Small-Kine Stories- Honk, Honk!

Old guy wen honk his horn twice. Twice.  Dat guy get nerve.  So, I figah I would go apologize, yeah.  Bein da nice guy dat I am and all.  Den, you know wot?  Da fricka wen honk gen.  So dat’s tree times now, uh.  So, I stay getting small kine agro.  But eh, I was still trying for let um go, be nice, blah blah blah.  I wen apologize again and he tell me, he frickin tell me dat I no belong ova thea.  I thinking, you pilau buggah, just cause you never like park normal kine, just cause you had to pull your stupid crazy chestah da molestah kine old van wit no windows in where I was parked so could back in mo easy.  So, I just let um go and start fo drive away.  I stay tinkin all kine stuff, eh.  Den it hits wen I can see he still giving me stink eye in da rear view mirror:  Fuck you… you not da darage ownah!  Shit, he ackin all high maka maka and den, all of one sudden, even though I was driving away, da events wen play inside ma head like one movie, yeah.  Everyting wen happen da same but instead of driving away…           

Flattened tiahs…           

Beat down in his doodoo head wit da kine Timbaland shoes…           

I packin one gun and pop pop pop in his knee caps and hands so he no can walk or do anyting else…           

No!  I get um.  I one rogue cop uh who just wen kicked off da police force for being to rough on da criminals so I trew my badge at da chief and had fo turn in my badge and everyting.  It’s so bad like my Mom no like even look at me.  So I stay kinda down on ma luck uh?  And da buggah, he not so old but he stay insai da mob, no da yakuza yeah, all scars and tattoos and missin fingahs carrying one samurai sword.  He stay smoking and everything happens and he blows smoke in my face.  So I get out da car and he pulls his sword out and swings um at me.  I duck em all Keanu Reeves Matrix style.  He swing again.  I Jackie Chan run up da wall.  He tries one more time and I catch um like clap da hands kine.  He stay struggling to keep going but I just laugh.  Den cause he da villain, he kick me da balls uh.  Cheap shot bastad.  So, I drop down and he stomping on me and like one dumby throws his sword aside and is just kickin my ass to make em look like I no moa gas in da tank… wen…  all of a sudden… Try guess.  Go guess um.  Eh, you lame, no like guess.  How’s you?             

Anyways, I Hulk out bra.  Yeahno?  Das one good one.  Just like Hulkamania only it’s Bradahmania and yeah like da hero I win, blow up his car or someting, go to da beach and drink beer wit one solid wahine.  Yeah, das right beer, not no weak-ass wine coolah or mai-tai.  I talking green bottles, Steinlagah, Heinuhken kine bra.  Chee-hoo!           

Eh, wot you tink?  My movie was solid uh?  Yeah no make lidat you fricka.  You just salty eyes cause you neva tink of em.  Sheesh.  Maybe was good dat old buggah wen ack lidat wit me oddawise I would neva have gotten dis Oscah type idea in da first place.  I should call up dat guy, who is dat guy, you know da one who stay inside all of his movies like Pulp Fiction.  Not even like he one good actor and den he still stay inside um.  Sheesh, now I no can even tink of who dat guy is… 

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3 Replies to “Small-Kine Stories- Honk, Honk!”

  1. Hey brah

    I jus get my license foah drive an’ can reelly ‘preshiate dis story. Li’ yestahday, I wen chry foah paak at Walmart an’ da buggah wit da beeg van stay takin’ two places foah put his beeg okole an den I cannot get eenside da only empty space ’cause he wen take half of it. So huhu me, I li’ flatten his tires and take da beeg spare offah da back an put ‘um on his winsheel like one Creespy Creem donut. But da quard stay watchin’ me an’ I stay too scaret foah do any kine ‘ting. So jus’ go inta Walmart an’ buy da beers. I wish I ‘tought of makin’ up wun movie script, den I feel mo’ bettah an not so huhu. Next time I gunna chry yoah way. :”Tanks eh ….

    Like

  2. Nikki Ty-Tomkins,
    Your letter to the Japan Times and comments about Mother Teresa, dress, TV, etc. show the most insightfulness.
    ‘prechiate it,
    clay

    Like

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