Big Sad, Yet Happy, Eyes

The father scooped up
His young son in his arms
Much like he always did
When his son was playing
Well into the hours of morning
Only this time was different
He rocked the little boy back and forth
He gazed deeply
Into his son’s
Big sad, yet happy, eyes
To his son he said,
“You be good boy.”
As he always did
“You take care Mommy.”
And his son always would
“And no matter what”
His voice cracked
“Daddy always love you.”
A pause
“Daddy is always,”
A tear
“With you.”
He held the boy tight
The little one drifted off
Fighting sleep
With those same big sad, yet happy, eyes.
Those same eyes forever in a father’s heart.

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Learning to Remember

A voice spoke
That in this life
There are two types of people
Those who are here to Learn
And those who are here to Remember
The Learners are newer souls
Still Adapting and taking in the cycle of life
They hurt, they flounder, but they are love
Those that Remember,
The older souls
Are chosen to recognize and
To recall each lesson
They hurt as well, sometimes too deeply
Love being their only guide,
All that the intrinsically know
In doing so
They have the ability to transcend the cycle
Are here to guide, help, wholly love
To serve
All that is
For they have been here before
Perhaps many times
It is there duty to push forward
Rise above
Be the light
That we can learn
Is really found within
Remember
You are the Light
Filled with Love
This you have Learned
It is meant to remember

Not da Cut

It’s not da cut
It’s da sting
It’s dat burn

Like salt
In a wound
No shy away
Welcome dat.

Cause like salt
Dat sting
Dat burn
Goin’ Heal

People get cut all da time
But no always get bettah
Cause we ske’d get stung
We no like get burned

Willing fo chance ‘um
But make all
Da kine
If get cut
Den quick fo covah um up
No give time fo heal

And sometimes life stay hard
Seems like we no can
Tired get cut
Ova and ova
And not getting bettah
Some don’t know how
Othas no like

But can heal
Wen give up fightin’
Wen no ske’d ‘um
Goin make us bettah
Das wen can grow

Cause it’s not da cut
It’s da sting
Dat burn

Knowledge

“Lord why is it that, that I go through so much pain
All I saw was black and all I felt was rain
I come to you because it’s you that knows
To show me that everything is black” – DMX, “Prayer” from It’s Dark and Hell is hot

Knowledge

What is Knowledge ?
Is it to Know,
Is to Feel,
Is to Grow,
Is it even Real?

Knowledge

Know that you know not a whole lot
Therefore you will know nothing more
Than a little bit of something here (n)or there
Which will allow you to know everything

Knowledge

It is to Know and Feel
That to Grow and be Real
Is to be Full
By being Empty

Knowledge

Love and be true
To You
First and all others equally
In that, we will find
That we have all

Knowledge

Das…

Why you stay mad?
I stay mad cause
No feel right.
Not like I right
All da time
Yeah, I might ack lidat
But I know I not right all da time
But just no feel right
Probably das why you stay mad too
You tink you right too
Das how

Why you stay sad?
I stay sad cause I love
Cause I happy
Cause I get mad
I was right
And most of all
Cause I wrong
Das when

Is jus too much
Pau
No can describe
Words stay all kapakahi
Da heart pound so fast it hurt

Every’ting lies, uh
Expressions, all no make sense
Might seem lidat

Wen

Da only ting real is inside
It’s da only ting dat wen mattah to begin wit
It’s not gone
Neva goin be
Only ting was da time no stay

Peopo got to do what’s best
Das why no can argue
Das how come no moa regret
Das why I only want good for da world,
My Peopo
You

Small kine mad
Mo’ so get some sad
But mos of all always goin get love
No mattah wot
Cause da care stay fo real
Even though da words wen make all da kine coocoo
Even wen seem like is all woteva
No mattah wot
Goin have love
Cause dat was da mos real uh

And das what’s da best
Fo remembah

Why you happy?
Cause I stay doing
Wot I got to be da best I can be
Goin happen, I know
Had fo let go

But what good would I be
To have given the world
To have given my peopo
To have given you
Anyting less den da best of me
Das why

No make sense
Ten years from now might not make sense
One day will
And no mattah
I just goin love
Fo’ real cause no can deny da real
Das wot

Aloha e Mahalo ke Akua

“Quiet Rage”

“I grew up, when things that were Hawaiian, weren’t really valued. I grew up, seeing that our people were extraordinarily unhealthy relative to other ethnic groups. Something was wrong. The notion that we were second-rate in our own homeland, my people being less than equal, started to grow, with that growth came anger, and with that anger came a quiet rage, because there was no place to debate it, to deal with it, and you carried that with you.” ~ Nainoa Thompson, from The Hawaiians Reflecting Spirit

Powerful, uh. Small kine intense. Filled with passion. Choke words can be inserted to describe how deep dis kine feelings is.

I stay on my journey ova hea almos’ 27 years now. In dat time, I wen go tru all kine experiences, one wide range of emotion, uh, and wen start to figah wot I like do, seek, experience from hea and most important wot I believe in.

Da guiding force of dis has to do with answering one question. Who am I? Who am I… fo’ real kine…

I am.

Jason Mitchell Anthony Walter. I am Bowsah, my fadah is Larry, son of Harry and Edith. I am Jas B, my madah is Kathy, daughtah of Kenny and Aurora. I am Jas to my brotha, J or JMAW to my friends and loved ones. I am part continental United States tru my heritage. And dat side stay from Ireland, England, Germany. I also get some of China and Okinawa insai me. Poi dog, uh?

Most of all, I am local…

I am past four, yup, das right, four, chee-hoo, generations of people living in Hawai`i. I am a child of Hawai`i. Even wen get dat kine, I not considered Hawaiian, sometimes not even local. You know in Germany, wen da Holocaust wen happen, da kine Jewish peopo dat wen live ova dere for multiple generations were neva interned because dey was considered German and not Jewish. Crazy, uh? Get choke non-local people have told me I’m Hawaiian because of my heritage or how I talk. Crazy, uh, I always tell’em no cause I look so haole…

If I had one dollar for every racially charged statement sent my way, I’d be one rich buggah. Heh, if had one fo every time I woz assumed to be from somewhea else (like da continent) or given stink eye until I wen open my mouth, ho cousin, I could probably buy my own island. Kay, maybe not, but maybe one house, one cherry house like up Waialae Iki or no, one solid place up Sunrise Ridge Hilo

But anyway, ova hea, I one shade, maybe two, lightah. Because I get da haole features, I have to argue, get ready fo trow down about my my being one local. My only link to dis land, my only credibility, is the way I talk. It’s like as soon as I talk pidgin, I stay pullin’ out my “Locals Only” membership card, can-breathe-one-breath-fresh-air-cause-not-goin-get-mobbed ‘cause I wen pass da test kine.

But Brr-ah! I am born-and-raised-Hawai`i, born Oahu, grew up Hilo. I am of dis aina, identifying wit ova hea, a local, not being accepted as one. It’s like dat saying: “one man without one country.”

Remembah, I wen talk about da Holocaust, I remembah as one keed I so was ashamed of dat, cause I get little bit German. I also wen feel bad because Christians had come in and replaced the practices all ova da world, not just over hea, with deir own as I was Catholic. But why, uh?

I hated dat I was one haole. I felt bad dat I look li’dis. So I wen go tru life having to prove myself ova and ova and as much as it hurt me to be called haole wit dat “ f’ing haole tone”, you know wot’s moa worse, it made me no like haoles.

Not like I one mean person lidat. I get my moments were da inner douche-mok takes ova, but fo da most part, I care a lot about people and just like try make da world bettah fo da futah. As one keed I wen get so sad about wot wen happen to da Hawaiians, African-kine peopo, Jewish peopo, all da oppressed peoplo all ova. Was fo sure wrong, every atrocity dat wen happen. But, how come I was treated like da oppressor, like I wen cause all dat? Wasn’t like I was da one doin’ dat. Wasn’t like I even stay descended from people who did that. It was just by association, uh. So da only ‘ting I could do was lash out at myself or anyone non-local, especially wen dey was haole. It was like discrimination had turned itself around out hea and as much as I didn’t like how I was treated, I jumped at the chance to do it, because I’m local, to prove it, uh.

As one real small keed, I remembah how I stuck out or how people would trip out because I was wit one of my Grandmas, two of da sweetest ladies eva, both full Asian born ova hea, whose maiden names are Hee and Tamashiro. It wasn’t until recently wen I was talkin’ wit my Dad dat I began fo ponder how it could have been fo him and my mom, wen dey was young or otha hapa-kids from days wen was probably moa worse. Try tink about it, how would it feel if someone wen imply dat your madah wasn’t your madah because you neva look alike? Probably, sad, probably pissed off, but no can understand why. Sheesh, as one keed, you just like love everyone and play and have one good time. Wen dat kine stuff happens to you wen you stay young, it sticks, it makes us hard, uh, ‘cause we no can talk about um. But, eh, dat’s how, right?

While I not Native Hawaiian, I am of Hawai`i. Was a few years ago, dat I wen take one class at UH from Bradah Keanu Sai ( http://www.hawaiiankingdom.org ), da guy is da man, he wen go World Court for Larsen v. the Hawaiian Kingdom. His class wen try fo educate da people about what the Kingdom was like, what the dream was. Da Queen, bless her, was one Aloha-filled sistah. She wished to get rid of dat Bayonet Constitution and establish a constitution for her people, the Hawaiians, Native and othawise. Dey had different ways fo describe Hawaiians back den: Kanaka Maole (full-blood), Kanaka Hapa (half), and Kanaka Hawai’i (no more blood but still Hawaiian). And all was Hawaiians. Crazy, uh? And best of all, I wen learn dat Hawai`i was in a sense still free, just occupied, we neva lost sovereignty, it just neva get restored yet. In theory, uh, not practice. But eh, still it’s one start.

Sheesh, I was sold. I was like, ho bra Keanu, tanks uh. I’m one Hawaiian cause I get ancestry dat go back to befoa da occupation. I felt like I finally wen belong. It was okay fo look li’dis and be local. I had one country.

I know, technically, in reality, woteva, I’m American, and dat’s cool and all, but I no really identify wit America. How many locals would say dat too? I look at the people around me, my generation, the children coming up now, and I see the same type of anger Nainoa Thompson stay describing not only the Native Hawaiians but all locals. No one in life should be looked down upon, but we all been raised to do dat. I tellin’ my story from da experience I had growing up looking full-haole, but try tink about all da kine racist stereotypes we hear and sadly accept cause we Hawaiian, Chinese, Japanee, Portagee, Korean, Popolo, Samoan, every and any kine ethnicity. Look at how we fight each otha. Hawai`i is da land of Aloha but we get some mean kine displacement going on ova hea.

Dat “quiet rage” courses tru me, drives me at times. In some ways, I love it… Da only reason is ‘cause it stirs my passion. It stokes da fire of Aloha I get fo Hawai`i, all her children, all my peopo.

I believe dat da time is now for one cohesion, one resurgence of local culture, one that embraces all da different kine people who came hea, who swore deir allegiance to the Kingdom, or who came hea fo one bettah life ‘cause you no can argue, it is fo real solid ova hea! I might be small kine bias but dis is da best place to live.

We, all of us befoa, all of us now, all dat goin’ come, of dis special place, from dis place, for dis place, to dis place, are accepted by it. Da ones not accepting us is ourselves. It is time for locals(born-and-raised and transplants-alike) to be proud and unite. So “many” local kids too shy fo speak up in class, o’ wow, try look get low test scores, all dese “facts” we hear about on the news. The looks some people give us wen dey tell us “Do not speak pidgin, it’s ignorant, you will not get a good job. Etc.” Is it dat o’ is it dat we just not in touch wit each otha, afraid to live our culture cause fo so long we been played against each otha. Dey tell us told dat our heritage, our cultures, are special. Yet we stay socialized in one way dat treats everbody different, so we end up fightin’.

We’ve been forced to endure a great number of lies in our lifetimes, da most strong ones found out in childhood even though we no can figah’em out.

In da future, we goin be loved, hated, embraced, spit on in all kine ways, das just life. So, all of us, all who love Hawai`1, wot we goin do about it. I tell you wot, da Native Hawaiians is doin’ um right now: Cultural Revival.

How about one Local Renaissance?

It’s time fo Hawai`i, all her children, to stand up, unite, and pa`ina.

Eh, you like restore da Kingdom, let’s do that. You like still live in occupation, let’s do that. Wotever it is, let’s do it. But c’mon guys. Let’s try fo get on da same page. In life, da only time any kine significant events happen, is wen people stay working together.

Wot we been doin’, fo da longest time, is fightin’ and hatin’ each otha, get people of every kine ethnicity, dat is children of Hawai`i, dat come hea fo new life, dat just love Hawai`i. Even though I wen joke about ‘em earlier, we all proud dat we get da “Locals Only” Card. No mean we gotta buss up otha heads now since we not goin keep hitting our own. Let’s just live Aloha.

You eitha tinkin’, ho dis guy get one killah idea o’ wow haole o’ no quit ya day job. Woteva it is. I bet you tinkin’. Jus’ look at Bradah Nainoa. I bet you wen he said, I goin build one canoe and navigate by da stars again, dey was like, “yeah right”, and he did ‘em fo his people anyway and now look’um.

Well, Hawai`i, it’s time we pau bein “yeah right” and time we look to da Native Hawaiians fo guidance and start caring about all da children of Hawai`i. We no can right da wrongs of da past. But we can move towards one healing future. Local Renaissance. It already wen start wit da two Lee’s, Tono’uch and Cataluna, and choke othas. We just goin’ see da movement grow strongah.

Aloha ke Akua.

Being

Chinese-Okinawan-Irish-English-German
These are the
Blood of
My Ancestors

Hee, Tamashiro, Mitchell, Walter
And the
Names

Birthplaces change
As do names

All still walk
Hand in hand

With me
Through me
Here,

Hawai`i…

Where I was
Born and Raised

The land
Whose Aloha

Embraces cultures
From all over the world

Whose Queen fought for freedom
She loved all Hawaiians, all people

Asian
Caucasian
Hapa

Local…

You hapa (local)?
Not even, you no look’um
You one Haole
What part mainland you from?

Ho bra
Try wait
Not even

Eh, woteva…

Words,
Dat
Wen
Hurt
Me (Us)

Not local
Not Hawaiian

But I (We) no really feel American, yeah

So
Who
Am (Are)

I (We)…

Stay stronger
Dan any kine words
Know dat
Because dis

Hawai`i…

My (our) home
My (our) birthright
My (our) Destiny

All belong
So long

As can
Hold dis

Close…

Never forget
Where you are from
It is where you will find
Where you are going
Where you already

Are…

Blended with your ancestors
Get choke
History
Wisdom
Peace
Love

Aloha…

Always was,
Always goin be
Always stay
Lidat

Mahalo ke Akua