Just another number

So yesterday I became a statistic that I didn’t want to be a part of on Oahu: I got hit by a car(a 2007 study indicated that at least one pedestrian was hit a day on Oahu). I was walking home and three houses away from where I live, a walk that I do on a near daily basis, a car sped by and I got clipped in the arm by its passenger side mirror. Thank you above for looking out for me because the driver did not stop despite the loud pop. Sure, they did slow a bit at first only to speed away after they saw me walk forward to retrieve what I had dropped.

A number of things ran through my head immediately from “OWWW F***” to “Great, now I can’t train” and of course, “I can’t believe the driver did not stop. Would they have stopped if they had hit more of me?” I paused, took a breathe, moved my arm, wrist and hand, then went home and iced it.

I sat down and it was like an epiphany occurred…

I realized that often in life there were so many things beyond my control, that the only thing that matters is I do my best and while I might intend for things to go one way, life also has its plan, therefore accept life as it is and keep working at life, keep seeking.

I’m a pretty sensitive person and for the most part I care alot about people. This has caused me to get hurt sometimes or wonder about the actions or lack of actions by others(family, friends, people in general) and just sit in bewilderment and sometimes more hurt.

I’m also quite critical of myself. I caught myself last night doing the same thing(“If only I’d been walking in some other place). After something occurs, I tend to revisit, reflect and determine my role in an effort to see if maybe I could have done something differently. While that is the case at times, I feel that people have a good gauge, an intuition, when something doesn’t feel right(and when it is) and we owe it to ourselves to honor that. Yet, in the past I have drifted toward blaming myself, repressed how I felt, even taking the approach of prostrating myself in order to remedy a solution or to make peace with it versus accepting something as it is or a people as they are.

Maybe it was the numb feeling that stemmed from my arm as it vibrated through me. Maybe it just the shock that I was hit by a car and the person didn’t care enough to stop. Or maybe it’s just me and has been all along and I realized that through it all, the so-called good, the so-called bad, I’m alive…

I’m at a place where I can accept things as they are without seeking to find an absolute answer because being alive is answer enough. And that answer can change in a moment, my life changes every second, with every breath. I don’t get it all but I feel like this is the first real step I’ve taken in my journey.

I can also accept me. Let others be as they are. The fact that I AM ALIVE is special enough, reason enough for me to feel good, to love, to pursue my dreams, to let go, to just be. I can finally accept that, for once in my life, accept that along with all the things in my life that have challenged me.

To the driver of the car, at first I may have had some choice words for you, my brother, my sister, whoever you are. And oddly enough thank you as this event has seemed to awaken something deep within.

One thought on “Just another number

  1. Beautiful Jason! Just absolutely beautiful. I believe that when we truely accept things and ourselves as we truly are then we have reached true happiness and are completely in tune with the universe.

    Hit and runs do happen everyday and we don’t really give these incidents too much thought until we are directly affected. It must have been a terrible feeling. But, as always with you, you never cease to find the silver lining. I heard someone say, “To win is not the true gift but to loose because then we learn a lesson.”

    Maybe you should start talking to victims of hit and run accidents???

    It’s quite amazing how love can be blasted across the world. As I think of you….I am ever so greatful to have had the chance to sit and drink with you.

    I miss you!


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