In case you lived on the dark side of the moon or was unable to watch Star Wars, the Dark Side is a a big component of the Force (the mysterious life energy) and it is the side that feeds off of fear, anger, and hate.
With that, I find a deep inner struggle between going with my higher self, side more oriented with my spiritual essence, and my lower self, the egoic 3D nature. I feel like the higher self is what the Jedi seemed to be about (values of taking care, spirituality, protecting nature, etc.) and the lower self is what leads to the Dark Side (at least in every “spiritual” book I’ve read, the ego is linked to the 3D world and uses fear, anger, etc. to exert control when it feels it’s hold slipping).
It’s really a challenging battle which I have found drains me immensely. I know in theory and believe that going with the higher self down a more spiritual path is necessary. I feel like I’m at the crossing over point. It just seems like lately my ego is making it’s last attempt to keep the control that it has had for my entire life and which it’s fought for the last 3.5 years not to lose.
Just seems pretty hard and the familiarity (aka safety) of my old egoic self clouded by a world filled with other egos consciously and unconsciously in the same battle, makes it harder each day to let the light of my higher self shine bright. I am not writing to this make excuses, merely to put it out there in the event that someone else reads it and can relate. I feel like the reason we succumb to the trappings of the ego is because we feel we are alone, or rather we see the end-result of those who overcame, yet we don’t always get to see, hear, or feel the struggle that it took to get there.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that the struggle is a part of the journey. It makes the choices to live in the light, though we may not always choose to do so, that much brighter. So perhaps, it’s a necessary evil. No pun intended.