Here’s to You, Harry

On April 22, 2010, I got to hang out with my Dad for a bit and my grandfather, Harry J. Walter. Known as “Budd” to many and “Dirty Harry” to others, my Grandfather was always “Old” to me. When I was still in small kid time, he used to call me “Young Buddy” and in turn, I referred to him as “Old Buddy” and over time it’s been shortened to “Old” and “Young” as evidenced above.  They were here because “Old” was getting screened for cancer.

I went home last week to say good-bye to “Old” because he had caught pneumonia and his time seemed to be short.  Sure enough it was and he went on to the next phase the other day. Many feelings have come up for me in relation to his leaving the physical plane.

One that really stands out to me is that he gave us our family name.  I never thought to deeply on this before but as I look at it now, four generations of the Walter family, from Iowa, before that Germany as the Von Walter’s (spelling?) and yeah.  Kind of nuts.

Harry was an amazing person.  He always had a story and he gave me alot to remember.  In fact, his last words to me were “You just remember, Young.”  In the days since I last saw him, many things have happened in my life which I will soon write about.  But I tell you what, I’m trying hard to remember you “Old” and how you lived your life and went down a different path than those before you and in turn created four generations of a family in Hawaii to follow.

Thanks for the memories.

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I’ve searched for a poem
To sum up how I feel
Perhaps it is so that none exists
For this event has never happened

I’ve been through heartache
I’ve lost loves
But none quite like this
So surreal, so true

The mistakes I’ve made
Are now the past
Move on, move forward
Is all that lasts

I loved intensely
I was truly human
I made many mistakes
But I always gave as much as I could

I’ll always be here for you
I’ll always love you
You cannot know
Not yet see
Probably don’t believe
Surely disagree
But it is true

I want the best for you
Won’t fight if you want to be free

The hole in my heart is filling
With more love, with best wishes
Because if I cannot make you happy
I will still send you a loving energy

Devastated, adrift, floating
I am gone
We are no more?
I never saw

Sad, so sad, 17 small eyes
I see but
Still glad, so glad
To have known the range of our journey

My hand still extends
If you will have it
And I will walk with you
In whatever capacity

I love You!
Thank You!
I hope the depth of which
You will one day feel.

You are the love of my life
Don’t know what else to say
No poem can do this justice

(sigh)

((NNHH))

This Damn Ringing in My Ears

the ocean is closing in
I hear the waves
have heard them before
they now are relentless
I feel the pressure in my head
it’s all caving in
deep somewhere, I can feel the beat of my heart
I sense a sharp, a dull, then sharp and dull pain
the death that slowly crawls
from within
is making itself heard, is becoming
the Ocean, filling up with black
with dark
it’s all abyss

what am i doing with my life?
as Saturn has passed
and the next return is far from now
i find that i ask the same questions as before
so where does that leave me?
a bit further along down the river?
with more knowledge?
both?
neither?
i suppose only time shall tell
if a dream manifests…