Further Down the Rabbit Hole

So the fantastic voyage continues to show me more and more each day. I realize it’s only been a few weeks but time has slowed down since I have no place to call home, no physical place at least, and nothing back to go back to really because I do not know what will happen.

Losing the parts of my life that I loved the most, or at least elements that represent them, has shown me a great deal about who I am and why I am that way.

It has forced me to test my bounds and to see why I have such “lofty” ideals as some people have said. It has shown me the world through different eyes. And though this quest is not over, I can say I am forever changed and the same as I always was. Meaning, my core seems to be coming into being.

I can also say what I believe in and I am okay with not choosing to label. I’ll use God and interchange it with the Universe but really, it is just a Greater Presence, and it is so vast, the words and the associations that come with them are limiting.  The word God has long represented a bearded figure to many and in turn many turn away.  The word Allah is recently being associated with terror and wrongfully so.  Buddha has long been associated with a jolly, fat man and yet the man is separate than the many incarnations that are worshiped.  I feel like wisdom can be found in each faith.

I think it’s limiting to label, perhaps that is why I cannot find peace with one religion that currently exists. They all have elements that are spot on but in my opinion don’t paint the whole picture alone.  And quite frankly, maybe in this body, that is how it is supposed to be.  Maybe we are each supposed to only see parts so that we can figure it out for ourselves and so that we can work at understanding one another and realize that we do relate.

So how can we understand.? Well, I think if we can understand how we feel and why that is, then perhaps we can understand the feelings of others and relate to their situations.

I also think communication is very key.  I err in communication quite often but I’m trying to improve.  (To a friend who I hurt recently because of my inability to communicate my thoughts effectively, I am truly sorry as I was trying to figure something out, and you were right.  My apologies as I wasn’t trying to say you were wrong although I can see how that came across).

I am definitely learning that there are many ways to achieve the same goals and this blog, this journey, is my way of trying to piece it together for myself.  I share it because maybe someone does relate and if so, I welcome feedback and guidance as I believe we are at a place in human history where we can learn from others’ experiences instantly because of the internet.  And this could aid us to have a more holistically healthy life.

I think there are people out there who are tired of hitting their heads against the wall and as one of the ones who has hit my head against the wall repeatedly, I’m still learning how not to do this and trying to stop unconsciously creating pain in myself and for others.

And it’s on to the next one…

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