I first read the book Peace is Every Step at 23. The concept is to use breathing and smiling as a way to become more mindful in life. I tasted that peace the first time I tried it but could never sustain it. Over the years, I kept thinking I had arrived as I made sense of pain and feelings I had experienced growing up. Then life would throw me curves and I would spiral back into my ego/fear based ways. I realize the cause of this: I did not do the spiritual work on myself that I was called to do. I was too busy working on others, reacting to reflections I saw because I wanted to “help” others.
Just took a 49 day trip through 12 states, relinquishing control to the All, feeling my first true fall and learning about the energies that exist in life and their impact on me. Energies I ignored because of the familiarity of my surroundings.
In the process, I realized that peace and the Divine were everything if I opened myself up to it. Through opening up, I saw that I could feel all of this because it was already within in me.
On day 50, back in Hawaii, that is when it really hit…
I went to Ala Moana Beach Park to watch the sunset. I was really excited because the Hawaii sunsets are so beautiful and I missed seeing the sun goes past the water. Call me sentimental…
It was epic that day because the full moon was high behind me! I said a prayer and meditated and it felt as though I had come full circle.
Three months ago I had the realization that I felt dead inside. I felt that same death three years before, thinking that being with the woman I wanted to share a life with and having a job in something I loved would make it all better. Three months ago I had both and yet that death persisted and it was eating away at me.
Well, like a river, life can change its course without warning. As the yarn has untangled I have learned to be present, to be grateful for being alive, and happy living minimally. The result showed as I sat there physically alone and felt the power of the moment, the energy of this miracle of my existence, and not wish the moment was any different due to circumstance, job, partner, whatever.
I am truly grateful for the magical experience I had. It is a long story to tell and maybe I will write it, maybe I won’t but I am content having experienced it for me, what it has given to me. I am eternally grateful for the way in which the Spirit/God/the Buddha-Christ Consciousness/ the All has spoken through all people, creatures, and aspects of life.
I feel like I was given a gift by this trip. People told me I’d meet someone else and fall in love on the trip. I did… I met me and I love that!
And the biggest thing I found, my faith, what I believe , my own creed:
All things are Brahman (God), Aloha ke Akua (God is love), life in its simplest form is energy, all feeling has energy, and the greatest feeling I have ever felt is love. I believe in love.
Love has carried me through the darkest of times and has been there to wink at me in nature, in others, in it all! I believe in love because love has shown me who I am, that I am change, and that I can/will grow and adapt through whatever life throws my way. I believe in love because it showed itself to me in so many ways on this trip and throughout my life. I believe in love because it is through love that I have been able to accept the circumstances and events of my life as they are. I believe in love and it feels amazing to understand what that means to me.
There were some wishes sent my way over this past year and they have opened me up in more ways than you could imagine. There are no words to share what I feel so I’ll keep it short: Thank You.