“Peace is Every Step”

I first read the book Peace is Every Step at 23.  The concept is to use breathing and smiling as a way to become more mindful in life.  I tasted that peace the first time I tried it but could never sustain it.  Over the years, I kept thinking I had arrived as I made sense of pain and feelings I had experienced growing up.  Then life would throw me curves and I would spiral back into my ego/fear based ways.  I realize the cause of this: I did not do the spiritual work on myself that I was called to do.  I was too busy working on others, reacting to reflections I saw because I wanted to “help” others.

Just took a 49 day trip through 12 states, relinquishing control to the All, feeling my first true fall and learning about the energies that exist in life and their impact on me.  Energies I ignored because of the familiarity of my surroundings.

In the process, I realized that peace and the Divine were everything if I opened myself up to it.  Through opening up, I saw that I could feel all of this because it was already within in me.

On day 50, back in Hawaii, that is when it really hit…

I went to Ala Moana Beach Park to watch the sunset.  I was really excited because the Hawaii sunsets are so beautiful and I missed seeing the sun goes past the water.  Call me sentimental…

It was epic that day because the full moon was high behind me!  I said a prayer and meditated and it felt as though I had come full circle.

Three months ago I had the realization that I felt dead inside.  I felt that same death three years before, thinking that being with the woman I wanted to share a life with and having a job in something I loved would make it all better.  Three months ago I had both and yet that death persisted and it was eating away at me.

Well, like a river, life can change its course without warning.  As the yarn has untangled I have learned to be present, to be grateful for being alive, and happy living minimally.  The result showed as I sat there physically alone and felt the power of the moment, the energy of this miracle of my existence, and not wish the moment was any different due to circumstance, job, partner, whatever.

I am truly grateful for the magical experience I had.  It is a long story to tell and maybe I will write it, maybe I won’t but I am content having experienced it for me, what it has given to me.  I am eternally grateful for the way in which the Spirit/God/the Buddha-Christ Consciousness/ the All has spoken through all people, creatures, and aspects of life.

I feel like I was given a gift by this trip.  People told me I’d meet someone else and fall in love on the trip.  I did… I met me and I love that!

And the biggest thing I found, my faith, what I believe , my own creed:

All things are Brahman (God), Aloha ke Akua (God is love), life in its simplest form is energy, all feeling has energy, and the greatest feeling I have ever felt is love.  I believe in love.

Love has carried me through the darkest of times and has been there to wink at me in nature, in others, in it all!  I believe in love because love has shown me who I am, that I am change, and that I can/will grow and adapt through whatever life throws my way.  I believe in love because it showed itself to me in so many ways on this trip and throughout my life.  I believe in love because it is through love that I have been able to accept the circumstances and events of my life as they are.  I believe in love and it feels amazing to understand what that means to me.

There were some wishes sent my way over this past year and they have opened me up in more ways than you could imagine.  There are no words to share what I feel so I’ll keep it short:  Thank You.

Gratitude

Thank you
For
All that you are
For showing me the Sacred
How it exists in All of life
In creatures both big and small
I have searched my whole life for this eternal peace
I thank you
For it was in your reflection
That I could finally see the Sacred lies within
Me

Acceptance

I don’t know a thing about what’s going to happen and the inner control freak is finally at peace with that.  I’m intuitive and pretty good at reading signs but in the unconscious arrogance that I lived, I wasn’t in the moment very much.  As a result, it led to some events unfolding in order to wake me up. 

The Hindus say that all things are Brahman and every day there are so many messages from the Divine.  Some of them read: Hey what’s up or look out or it’ll be okay.  Now for being good at reading signs, I chose which signs to read and which signs to ignore (mostly the eh, look out there, what’re you doing signs).

I’ve been truly humbled and in awe of life’s wonder since the wake up call.  Considering that by definition I 1) fall below the poverty level, 2) am homeless, and 3)jobless, I could choose to be pretty miserable.  But I’m not.  I’m actually happy… 

If there’s one thing that I have experienced in what the Divine does, is this: it gives, and it gives, and it keeps giving because it wants us to know that no matter what, we have a choice in all things.  We can choose to let the veil of pain and suffering guide us or to joyfully participate in the sorrows of the world.  In the process, if we want, we can experience the Sacred in all of life.

I first truly experienced it in my ex and since going on this walkabout that I’m on, I have seen it reflected in the city, the country, the people, the trees, the river, the squirrels, the foxes, the All.  I see it because I feel it in my own being.  Tricky.  It was there the whole time and I never lost it, just failed to recognize it. 

I don’t know what is next but I know what I’m not going to do and that’s typical Jason, this-is-what’s-first-then-that-and-then-this and blah blah.  I’m just going to take it one day at a time, live that day fully, and just cast lines.  I’ve already cast for jobs, and cast for a place to call home.  And it’s reeling in bites!  Quite cool.

I don’t know where I’ll end up but I have faith all will be provided for because, well that’s faith.  From there we’ll see. I have goals but we’ll just have to see what life gives me.  It’s like getting a surprise, sometimes many each day and I happily accept that offer from life

Whatever happens, wherever I end up, with my eyes more opened than closed to the reality and divinity that co-exist in this beautiful experience, I realize it’s up to me to choose to be joyful and find the beauty no matter what is given to me. 

Because life isn’t about knowing what’s next, changing the world/system, or about things being kosher 24/7.  I have realized that life is about changing myself and taking the sour with the sweet because it makes the beautiful moments we share in this short existence that much better.

Awakening

One of my favorite things to do is watch trees.  True story- I once saw the energy of a tree vibrate. Quite a scary experience as I thought I was going crazy but I guess it was the Sacred telling me that it was alive in all things.

In following the dreams, I find myself here in Maryland and it is extremely peaceful. I’m staying right off the Gunpowder River, a jump from Mariner’s Point Park and man if this isn’t rejuvenating!

As I take in the experience here, I have seen that Sacred life in the trees as they are minus the energetic vibration.  I was always one who needed the wake up call to pay attention but I realize that life isn’t about the big, intense “aha” moments, more like appreciating that the “aha” is always present, whether it be in the sway of a tree in the wind, the light kiss of cold rain on your face, or the gentle flow of the tide.

And… it is totally applicable to the rest of my life. I was all Spring and Summer, all about the new ideas, sunshine and relaxation. I realize as I am going through my first true fall, that the Sacred is in all the seasons and it is up to me to adapt and change as they do.

I didn’t do this in the relationship I recently got out of and I don’t blame her for feeling tired.  It wasn’t only not being present where I erred, I failed to accept the seasons of life, the ebb and flow as it is. In turn, this experience is showing me the beauty in all aspects of life.

I can see how I took so many things for granted in life in general. In living in this minimal constant state of shock as I have over the past month, I’ve grown increasingly grateful for what I do have (being alive, clothing, shelter, food) and find great joy in things I overlooked in the past.

What’s funny (to me), is I find myself seeking gainful employment with benefits, not out of fear, but because I do enjoy working and want to be a part of a community again and to contribute. 

I no longer feel this extreme sense of there’s only one way to get where I want to be.  Life is about the experience, enjoying that ride, and if I were in a boat, the thing would have to be balanced in order to flow with that go as gracefully as possible.  That fits better these days.   

Mahalo ke Akua.