I don’t know a thing about what’s going to happen and the inner control freak is finally at peace with that. I’m intuitive and pretty good at reading signs but in the unconscious arrogance that I lived, I wasn’t in the moment very much. As a result, it led to some events unfolding in order to wake me up.
The Hindus say that all things are Brahman and every day there are so many messages from the Divine. Some of them read: Hey what’s up or look out or it’ll be okay. Now for being good at reading signs, I chose which signs to read and which signs to ignore (mostly the eh, look out there, what’re you doing signs).
I’ve been truly humbled and in awe of life’s wonder since the wake up call. Considering that by definition I 1) fall below the poverty level, 2) am homeless, and 3)jobless, I could choose to be pretty miserable. But I’m not. I’m actually happy…
If there’s one thing that I have experienced in what the Divine does, is this: it gives, and it gives, and it keeps giving because it wants us to know that no matter what, we have a choice in all things. We can choose to let the veil of pain and suffering guide us or to joyfully participate in the sorrows of the world. In the process, if we want, we can experience the Sacred in all of life.
I first truly experienced it in my ex and since going on this walkabout that I’m on, I have seen it reflected in the city, the country, the people, the trees, the river, the squirrels, the foxes, the All. I see it because I feel it in my own being. Tricky. It was there the whole time and I never lost it, just failed to recognize it.
I don’t know what is next but I know what I’m not going to do and that’s typical Jason, this-is-what’s-first-then-that-and-then-this and blah blah. I’m just going to take it one day at a time, live that day fully, and just cast lines. I’ve already cast for jobs, and cast for a place to call home. And it’s reeling in bites! Quite cool.
I don’t know where I’ll end up but I have faith all will be provided for because, well that’s faith. From there we’ll see. I have goals but we’ll just have to see what life gives me. It’s like getting a surprise, sometimes many each day and I happily accept that offer from life
Whatever happens, wherever I end up, with my eyes more opened than closed to the reality and divinity that co-exist in this beautiful experience, I realize it’s up to me to choose to be joyful and find the beauty no matter what is given to me.
Because life isn’t about knowing what’s next, changing the world/system, or about things being kosher 24/7. I have realized that life is about changing myself and taking the sour with the sweet because it makes the beautiful moments we share in this short existence that much better.