Waste

Waste is all around.  It hangs out with despair.  They are my good friends.  Like childhood buddies that I see from time to time but I know very well.  I can’t cruise with them in the way that I used to but I still love them for what they are.  Great teachers, old friends, reminders of where I have been, who I have been, and how I change.  I realize that they are always with me because they helped me grow.  I see that they are homies with Love, and a friend to Rage as well.

Thx friends.

Rage

rage is real
so real, so real, so real
it just wants to be acknowledged
just like Love, just like every other feeling

Rage is just as valid…

Ignoring any feeling is an injustice to the human experience, it is what the Soul wanted in the first place.

Rage is real. It is okay. I enjoy rage. I like that I can feel this and understand where it comes from, why it is, it is my feeling.  I own it.  I don’t understand.  I don’t understand life or people outside of what I understand in myself.  And that changes as I change, it gets deeper and more complex, it  ends up simple.  It sucks.  It is amazing.

Life is a buffet of options and today I dine on rage.  I see why you are on the menu.  I’m okay with that.  Knowing what you taste like fully will allow me to make another choice on the menu should I choose.  Or I could choose you.  One thing I know, no one else puts you on my plate.  I put you on my plate.

In Honor of Praise

Note: I write this on a day that for many is celebration. For me today is bittersweet. Last night, I learned of the death of a friend, someone I didn’t always get to see or speak with but who nonetheless touched my life very deeply.

I cannot even begin to sort or say exactly what it is I feel because there is so much. My dear Friend Praise, you will always be a symbol to me, of what it means to have faith, true faith, despite the challenges that life may bring.

In Honor of Praise

Good- bye Sister
You have blessed us with your Soul
Truly an inspiration, truly a blessing
That undying, unyielding, unwavering strength of your Faith
Your Faith is the reason I shall no longer lament but celebrate
I shall not cry over this or anything for too long,
Nor hang my head will I because I know You’d find a reason
To hold your Heart up High no matter sunny or rainy sky.
Thank you so much for
Inspiring me, I am going to look for you
Now in everyone that I may meet
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
For always being there for me,
Not because I asked
But because I was so much in need.

I have felt such a huge range of emotion since learning yesterday of Praise’s death in October of last year almost six months to the day. I looked at my journals from the day before, the day of, and the day after her death.  I was writing much about faith, had a conversation with a neighbor in Hilo that everything was by design and to trust. To believe that God had it all figured. All worked out.

Honestly, I cannot say what will be or when or how, but I do have my faith, I feel strong in that I have experienced the work of something greater, far better than I alone could manifest each day unfolding in my life.  I have examined many different traditions, philosophies, and though I am but 30 in this life, I believe that it is all the same.  We are all travelers on the same road gathering around the fireplace trying to explain that fire.  I don’t understand why joy and sorrow sit next to one another.  I don’t understand why love and fear are all around.  That’s just how it is.  As I walked with tears in my eyes to clear my head, I felt so much sadness yet saw the great beauty of the mountains in Hawaii, the flowers all around me.

If I had to say anything to make sense right now, I would say that there is a choice in it all, a choice in how we feel.  The choice to feel life, feel it fully.  That is probably the loving thing to do.  That probably is the peaceful thing to do.  That’s what that blessed Soul Praise would do.

She was so cool because despite our different views on the greater unknown, she was always there at the worst of my ongoing battle with faith.  Last year when I got laid off, my grandfather died, and my relationship ended in a month’s time, I remember talking to her and she said she would pray for me.  And I believed her, I felt like her faith was going to be a blessing to me.  The fact that she believed that prayer would be of support made me feel better despite what I felt or believed at the time.  It was before talking with her that I sat down myself and I had heart-to-heart prayer expressing that I was submitting my resignation from the Jason driven train and going all in on the Faith Express that I had long been called to, many, many times.

Here I am today, having gone down the rabbit hole of a still flowing journey of my own, experienced what I dubbed my 40 days in the desert, and am in a place where I feel deeply connected to the Spirit of all things, see that I am growing and how releasing my labels take me further into what I cannot explain but do believe, here I am and she is no longer, has not been for some time.  Of all the people, who I would want to share my story, my experience, my unfolding journey with, it’d be her because she never paused, she never stopped believing what she did, and she was always a solid presence in my life amidst the shaky ground, much of my own creation.

And I can’t share that with her, can’t share anything here with her again.  Yes, I believe that I can share it with her and feel like it is one more Soul out there taking care of us all.  Yes, I view it as a celebration, her Soul’s work was complete in this cycle and she went home, a place she totally believed.  But I cannot share another laugh, hear her joke at how I say “Howzit” and “Shoots,” see her love for Hawaii, admire her steadfastness in serving others, take in how giving and loving a being she was.

Life is short.  It is precious.  I finally feel like I love life a fraction as much as she did.  And even more do I see how important it is to share that.  Google Praise Goh and you will find a great many other accounts from those who knew her, who were blessed by her presence.

I am honored for the time I knew you, Praise.  I am humbled to have known such a great presence on this plane of existence.  I will honor you not by missing you, rather I will celebrate (as Yogananda suggested) you by living fully in my own life, and I will surely never again lose faith no matter what life may bring.  For you were a mirror of that for me, and now that you are gone, I must remember that such a place exists within me.

Shoots, Praise.

The Rate @ Which You Flow

“There is no too fast. There is no too slow. There is only what is and that is the rate at which you Flow.” ~ Delta

I used to think I had to be over there, back there, up there, down there, everywhere but here.  I thought that I had speed things up to get to some point in time and felt like the Rabbit in Alice and Wonderland, like I was late for a very important date, that I had an appointment to keep.

I think I get what that appointment is.  It might sound simple.  It is intellectually something that can be grasped but to understand, it can only be felt.  It is what Eckhart Tolle wrote about with his first book, The Power of Now, and what countless other philosophies, teachers, religions, etc. have tried to explain in more words.  It is the Tao, it is the Christ within, it is the Buddha Consciousness, it is all things and no-things.  It is the moment as it just is, realizing that this is where I am, nothing before matters, nothing that is coming matters, I can never know, I just have to be where it is that I am, trust the feelings, listen closely to the subtle prompts and yeah, keep walking, because every moment I am present, I am Now on time.

(At least on this place plane since only here do we experience time.)

Throw your Black Flag up, for it is Black, Black is the Dark Night of the Soul’s Light!

Devil

“This is what I’m doing. So I’m going to do it because when it’s done, it’s done.”

The title is only Devil as I no intent on speaking of the Devil in the form of the ego at this moment. My process “said” de-evolution to which I thought Devo-lution so this title fit best imo. The reason de-evolution popped in to my cellular brain phone is to be explored today…

What type of evolution am I even talking about to move back from? Honestly, I am in a place where I see it all sitting side-by-side, hand in hand, if anything is going elsewhere it is how I view the world.

The non-conflict that I find myself in, is one of what to do?

I enjoy writing, helping people, living, traveling, etc. But that’s It. That’s all that life is. It isn’t about accomplishments though that is a part of It. It isn’t about relationships though that is also a part of It. It is about all of It. About the holistic system, in the body, the community, the countries, the world, the Universe. It is all Sacred.

So feeling strongly about this, can see how it all fits together in that way (mind you I am not saying I see, know all, I just reached a place where it isn’t just an intellectual process to write this, I am relaying an experience as best as I can). As It all fits together, what should I do. I can do anything. What do I want to do? Many things…

And that is where the de- part of this equation fits. We have evolved into doing everything that others say while not listening to what it is inside, what it is that we want.

I grew up hearing: get a career, retire, save for rainy days, be afraid, what if, there is only one way, you can’t be who you are, etc. la la la

And I bought hard into it and was miserable.

Tons of things that I had been told and tried to mold myself into, which wasn’t what was going on inside of me but really pissed that part off.  All these things don’t matter it is all a part of the grand Divine Comedy, the Universe, God, the Middle Way, more words for describing It on this level of conscious experience.

War, not great, but it’s still going to go down, so why worry?  Natural disasters, waste of time to worry or fear, if they happen, they happen.  Death, Yogananda called it the only Holiday we all experience, so for sure we should celebrate it.  Being alone, we only fear it because we have been told a lie that we are not enough as we are so we look into others to be that which fills us, when really others are just reflections.  Bad childhood, everyone is scarred in childhood and parents love as much as they can, that’s how it is.

Desires, feelings, thoughts, they all come and go in each New moment, New Now. So walk through what you do, as you do, engaged and both detached b/c whatever it is that you’re doing is It. And It is all there is.

One giant mirror. One grand reflection. With cracks in the glass, smudges here and there, and beauty throughout it all. That’s It. That’s life.

I spent so many years escaping into extremes when I knew all along I desired balance. And balance is Light and Dark, Good and Evil, Love and Fear. It’s feeling it All, allowing the expression as it Flows through you, and yeah. Bam!

Cause when It’s done, It’s done.  Great wisdom that.  Thx Tune.

A Thank You

Thank You for this breath
That You’ve given to me.

Thank You for this Heart
That beats deeply, so deeply within me.

Thank you for the circulation
Flowing so freely.

Thank you for the this skin, these bones, this Stardust making me, me.

Thank you for this mind
Such a beautiful mind.

And Thank You Soul, gift of the Eternal
For a Creation that is purely Divine.

Thoughts of Flow-cus

I was hit up with the woo-pow, who got you Now, yesterday. Last year, I’d a dream that I was to write two books. Well, seven months later…

I hung out with Adya the other day. She’s about to go under the knife and she was straight up about wondering if she’ll return since they are putting her under. I felt something very different from this woman, who’ve I only known 5 months but feel like I’ve known since my soul began. For the first time, I felt like there was a sense of fear.

As much as we are souls, we are still subject to all things on this plane. To see this magnificent woman, my teacher, my friend, my student, be so open, calm, yet still vibrate the feeling I’ve known all too well at times, I felt my own vibration grow, to share the strength I’ve found because of her unconditional love, support, and encouragement. I found the roles reversed…

So as I awoke yesterday, I was hit with more purpose than I ever felt. A purpose I had not yet found within myself. I will finish the book, the book that has been gnawing at me since small kid time, the book that I’ve fought and crawled in order to walk, the book that has given me wings, that has allowed me to be whole.

The book with a message that I’d always felt yet lacked the words, lacked the experience, until now.

A Call to Love is a part of it. It will be continued as I have much done on it but I realize the poem that is to complement it. I realize the philosophy that is because of it. And I thank all the parties involved in helping me write it.

For it was answering a call to love, continuing to choose love, that I found any peace. It was through this 9 mos. odyssey of following dreams that I found my love within and it is through love that I am okay.

Hello World! I bring to you The Maxims of Delta as they were always meant to be…