Long ago, well not really I suppose as it’s been but a few years, my mentor at the time, informed me that I had to be aware of what I did with my abilities, so I took it as holding back. The other day, I met a healer who told me to stand strong in the beautiful creation that I am and keep my spine straight. The next day, I would guide the Soul Samurai on a walking meditation which he would later tell me was life-changing.
As I walk each day, more fully than the last, in the depth of my Soul, allowing my existence to permeate with what lays inside, I find that I encounter situations which still call for a response, a strong response on my part. Where I would once hold back for fear of what someone would think, I now speak from the heart for I know there is an experience in it worth flowing with.
I do not profess to be awakened or enlightened. I will acknowledge that I have experienced in rapid succession an ever increasing awareness and presence. It is really quite beautiful beyond words. I find myself fascinated by the smallest of details and sounds and people.
The smallest recently being a young boy who came in last night, with the curiosity and care that only children have not forgotten.
“How did you learn this?”
“Doesn’t each card mean something?’
I donated the reading to him though his mother was yelling at him not to come in. A ritual in a sense of honoring my own wounded inner child, allowing it to breathe and see its reflection.
“How much do you make?”
I donate my time, my friend outside of here. It was my dream to help others in a way that resonated with me. I took a serious tone as the lad was quite serious himself. Truly a reflection of me, gentle, curious, yet with a depth and seriousness that the average eye would look over.
He shuffled the deck. Tarot cards are larger than the average cards and he juggled the giant cards in his small hands.
“I don’t know how to shuffle.”
There is no right or wrong way my friend. He put the deck down and I instructed him to pull five cards. When I read cards, it gives an instant peek, otherwise, I have to touch the person or talk to them in order to see or hear what is going on as I find it invasive to just jump right in.
I told him what I saw: his soul came here to experience and I reminded him that he was here to fly. I said to my little friend to be who he was, stand true in that and don’t let anyone else tell him otherwise, don’t let anyone tell him that he couldn’t be who he wanted to be.
The boy had a giant heart and his spirit was a powerful one. He looked at me, the serious brow acknowledging.
“That’s funny. People already try to tell me who to be or don’t do that. They tell me that’s impossible. I just don’t believe them.”
I laughed and high-fived my young friend and he left. I made a post recounting the experience on Facebook as I found it to be truly inspirational.
Today someone made a silly comment and this roused not a defensiveness but a place where I had to the draw the line. He had been making silly jokes for some time and I just let it slide. But this struck a chord.
I responded with honesty, called a spade for a spade in that I felt his mask was creating this facade of humor to hide his own gentleness, his own true inner beauty. I spoke from my heart and I felt it open as I could see where he was coming from, I have spent many days living the same.
Growing up, I was told, you’re too sensitive. You’re too idealistic. By family members. By friends. I sought and fought for approval for so long. Then I drove them away when I couldn’t find it. To make my peace, I wore many masks over the years.
At the end of my comment, I offered to help the man as I know his pain. It is the pain that all of us feel as incomplete beings. Women are not allowed to be fully masculine and feminine. And men aren’t afforded the same. Socialization has cut us off from the wholeness of who we are.
This is who I am. I am a psychic. I am intuitive. I am sensitive. I am a feeler. I am a healer. I am a writer. I am masculine. I am feminine. I am harsh. I am intense. I am loving. I am passionate. I am cold. I am honest, brutally. And one day I’ll be a father and a host of other things as it is also a part of who I am.
I am all things and no-thing for I am an energetic being and I know that I can choose to be happy with who I am, how I am, at each moment in time.
My heart opens. We should all be like the young boy. The boy who didn’t believe the un-truths that others say. Who doesn’t let people bully him out of who he is.
That in my opinion, is strength. That boy. Two children now have changed my life in ways I will never forget. A young girl and her smile when I was amidst anger 11 years ago and my little friend, both reflections of me.
Thank you for such an awesome experience filled with more opportunities to expand each day.