LOL to LMAO to Frak

So yesterday I put the stamp on finishing a book. I slept like four hours yesterday and today the same thing. It’s like no sleep for the weary. Can’t stop the restless. The only rest I crave is the final rest anyway, that’s the only rest that can be true release.

No, I don’t have a Death wish. It’s just I realize how it is the true liberation. The final freedom. I feel peace all the time. Peace in that I feel okay feeling what I do. But I still walk amongst this world. I’m still subject to the world around me. The chaos of my family, my friends, everything.

It’s a swirling vortex of energy. I can only smile at this point. I can laugh.

And I write.

And I write. I wrote a poem to exhale these thoughts, release them.  It got deleted when I went to publish it.  It was the second best poem I ever crafted.  Literally.  The first I said to the Soul of the moon from the depths of my Soul to the Soul of the one I love.  That one is lost to the ethers.  It’s carried in Spirit.

So I write.  I write about writing…

I began another book. It’s my only escape, the only one worth pursuing. I can turn the phone off. I can shut it all out. I don’t have to check out the internet at home because my roommate can’t figure out how to set it up. I don’t have to take people to appointments because they have other people who they can call. I don’t have to housesit and organize my life around others. I chose this life. I chose this experience. I created it. I own it. I set up this game.  Even more do I see the value in pursuing my path.  In believe.  I’m one step closer today than I was yesterday.

It’s a process.

It’s a journey.  One day I’ll be free.  Truly free.  I’m going to enjoy all this.  I shed a tear when it comes.  I’ll smile when that comes.  I’ll just be.  As I am.  Who I am.  I can do all things.  I can do all things to Love that strengthens me.  My inner me.

So LOL. So LMAO. So Frak!

Breathe in. Breathe out. I am calm. I was okay venting. I was okay feeling the range of swirl around me, feel the expectations of others around me. I’m okay with that. I breathe. I walk. I’m okay.

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