So yesterday I put the stamp on finishing a book. I slept like four hours yesterday and today the same thing. It’s like no sleep for the weary. Can’t stop the restless. The only rest I crave is the final rest anyway, that’s the only rest that can be true release.
No, I don’t have a Death wish. It’s just I realize how it is the true liberation. The final freedom. I feel peace all the time. Peace in that I feel okay feeling what I do. But I still walk amongst this world. I’m still subject to the world around me. The chaos of my family, my friends, everything.
It’s a swirling vortex of energy. I can only smile at this point. I can laugh.
And I write.
And I write. I wrote a poem to exhale these thoughts, release them. It got deleted when I went to publish it. It was the second best poem I ever crafted. Literally. The first I said to the Soul of the moon from the depths of my Soul to the Soul of the one I love. That one is lost to the ethers. It’s carried in Spirit.
So I write. I write about writing…
I began another book. It’s my only escape, the only one worth pursuing. I can turn the phone off. I can shut it all out. I don’t have to check out the internet at home because my roommate can’t figure out how to set it up. I don’t have to take people to appointments because they have other people who they can call. I don’t have to housesit and organize my life around others. I chose this life. I chose this experience. I created it. I own it. I set up this game. Even more do I see the value in pursuing my path. In believe. I’m one step closer today than I was yesterday.
It’s a process.
It’s a journey. One day I’ll be free. Truly free. I’m going to enjoy all this. I shed a tear when it comes. I’ll smile when that comes. I’ll just be. As I am. Who I am. I can do all things. I can do all things to Love that strengthens me. My inner me.
So LOL. So LMAO. So Frak!
Breathe in. Breathe out. I am calm. I was okay venting. I was okay feeling the range of swirl around me, feel the expectations of others around me. I’m okay with that. I breathe. I walk. I’m okay.