This is from the draft (I know there are typos but that’s part of the realness/adopting a mix-tape release yo!) of the opening parts to my book, check back for updates, e-book available soon, hard copies to follow, thx for the love and support homies!
It’ll Be Okay…
Healing Amidst Living, Loving, and Dying in this Day and Age:
A Short Book on Life because that’s Short too
A Few Words Before Some More Words
This is a reflection filled with stories told in a conversational style, some essays, poems, and whatnot. I guess it’s an experimental memoir. I don’t know (shrugs shoulders). I majored in Religion because I realized much later I was spiritual (a loaded word and I would love to discard in favor of Human+Being because that’s what we are IMO). I did not major in English so I forewarn that I will probably break some writing rules. I don’t care. Rules aren’t necessarily made to be broken. I’m not saying that at all but that doesn’t mean rules have to limit us. A huge part of expression is that there is nothing wrong with expressing it how you want. We categorize, we lump, we judge, yet so long as there are people, there will be unique expression. Each of us has the potential to serve as a unique channel.
This book has excerpts from essays I have written and recounts events from my entire life, yup, all 30 years of it, as I approach the age of 31. I share because I care, I’ve always wanted to write a book, and well life is short so isn’t it enough to write a book because I have wanted to? I say that just as much to you as I say it to myself…
This book is about my healing. My name means “healer” and I’ve been told I’ll be a healer or teacher or whatever. I don’t know if I agree with that. We’re all healers. We’re all teachers and students. This book is in some ways a guide and while I don’t think of myself as a healer or a teacher, I do know that I have the intuitive ability to guide others. This in many ways is like a guide to “Okay-Ness” but we’ll get into that as we go.
I have found that I never felt as alone in life when I felt like someone could relate to what I was feeling. I’ve felt a lot in my life, I bet you have as well. In fact, we feel all the time, it’s just that we’re so stuck on auto-pilot that we do not really allow the feeling to run its course. So as much as this is about me and sharing what I’ve learned, it’s also about relating to You. Because regardless of viewpoint, it is my own view, (wink) that we can all relate when it comes down to feelings. I spoke with a more scientific thinker one day after hopping out of the water and he was not too keen on my use of the word energy so I’m speaking on something that I feel like I know and the only thing I know through close examination of my process, psyche, and feelings is my feelings. So this book that I’m writing because I want to is a book written with and about FEELING.
So What Does Some 30 Year Old Have to Say About Feeling With Feeling?
Many people think I look much younger than I actually am. Others don’t. Idk, I credit the Asian genes for the youthful appearance. I also do a fair job these days of coordinating my energy so that could be part of it. Whatever it is, lucky for sure. At 30, I’ve lived enough life and its experiences to relate to older people and am still young enough to relate to the youth. It’s a good age to be and as good a time to write this book as any. And why not? My time here isn’t that long anyway. Neither is yours, so after reading this book, and possibly buying copies for 11 people (THX Friends!) get out there and watch your book, write your movie, it’s your life! Chee huu to you!
And feel good about it. Even if you’re sad. Feel good that you can feel that feeling. It’s beautiful that we can feel. I believe that the only way we can even relate to anyone else is due to feeling. I work as an Intuitive/Psychic and the only reason I can do that is because I am clear on what I’m feeling. I understand it. As a result, I can really tune in and relate to what the other person is feeling. From there, I help accordingly. I like to compare what I do to that of a chiropractor, give spiritual alignments, or a dentist, help with spiritual cleaning.
A lot of people ask me if I’m psychic. Yes. But so are you/so can you. We’re all Humans having an experience of Being and Beings experiencing Humanity. It’s truly beautiful if you think about it….
Coach Gary once told us all in High School, opinions are like Assholes, Everyone has one and most of them stink. Wait, maybe that was Coach Lee. I don’t remember, they all swore a bit but I liked Coach Gary, Coach Lee, well, he was cool off the court but on the court he was an Opinion…
My ex girlfriend used to get so pissed at me because she felt like I spoke like it was the Truth when discussing certain things. She preferred me to say “I think” but you know, maybe I am speaking from the Truth. Maybe I’m not.
What is the Truth to begin with?
All I know is these words are coming from my Heart and listening there, speaking from there, that’s honest, and I feel good about honesty. I like honesty. I respect honesty. So this book is about me being honest with myself about what I think, what I feel about life here on this plane of existence, doing my best to make sense of some of the things that I have gone through.
If you read it, cool. If not, cool. I gotta do what I gotta do and so should you because again, life is short.
This is a reflection on some pretty huge elements of life which I’m going to guesstimate that all who have ever walked this plane of existence have looked at. I have had an adventure of life and it accelerated when I decided to go all in, go down the rabbit hole, dig into my unconscious, engage the mystical, let’s call it “live fully” for simpler purposes and basically really try to figure out what my life is about. I have had a few people talk to me about enlightenment and awakening as I have also studied, searched for an answer, been dubbed a Seeker of the Eternal. I don’t claim to be enlightened or awakened. I’m alive. That’s the only thing I claim. And I know one day I’ll die. Shoot, I hope so. The idea of living forever is intense. Whatever is in my cards, as far as I am concerned, call me what you want, Love is going to carry me through living and dying.
Since I’m writing on the topic, I have to say that my experiences of feeling awake, my interpretation of it, is to be Child-like, to look in awe, to be curious, full of energy for life. It’s not escaping, it’s not avoiding life, it’s about accepting life. Just look at those little wizards as they run around noticing things for the first time that we’ve long forgotten to take the time to check out as adults.
For most of us, I think we can experience a part of it. The freedom from pain isn’t part of it. Acceptance of life as it is, is what I think awakening is about. I think that’s what the Buddha was pitching when he implied that we could be freed of suffering. I like that approach because every time I think I found the magic Kool-Aid that would alleviate pain forever, pain would arrive at the door with a wilted bouquet in hand.
A psychic once asked me: how many happy spiritual types do you know? Good question. Most of them, most religious people, most philosophical, a big portion of people in general are pretty miserable because of the experience of pain, when it creeps in, and it will, ends up as such a debilitating experience, and is often a reminder of the deep inner hurt that is unresolved for many of us if not most of us (if not all).
I don’t like to admit it but at this point I must conclude that the deep inner hurt is a part life. I want to believe that I can do something to take care of others and shield them from hurt but the more I walk through life, the more I see that the deep inner hurt is there to help the Soul expand and grow. That’s all it is. I hated hurting. I hated feeling throughout my life. I loathed myself. I grew up hapa but looking white in Hawaii. I grew up hearing “Fuck you haole.” and being told I didn’t belong in Hawaii because of my skin. I loathed myself. I hated myself. I had so much hurt inside it crept out on my skin and I developed a bad case of eczema. My skin was disgusting. I hated my skin. I was not a happy camped to say the least. I didn’t understand others. I didn’t understand why I felt so disconnected from the outside world.
As I have gone through my never-ending quest of healing myself, as I strive to expand my consciousness further and further beyond the magic Kool-Aid, the more I realize I am always connected. The more I see that I am the common denominator through it all. That I can change how I view, I feel, and this is an amazing experience, to feel so alive when my Soul once felt so crushed…
I think awakening is being able to love the experience, each part of it, because love is real, it accepts, it’s loving to oneself to be able to accept all things in life as it is even if it means that you are feeling rage. That’s what I feel about that. I guarantee as I learn and expand more with each moment, that my understanding of that will expand as well. That’s awesome to me, that growth in that area is endless, that I can awake and grow more and more. That the sky for self-mastery, the top of the mountain for my conscious growth is infinite. That inspires me. Rather than think I have to get somewhere by a certain time, that I have to be anyone else but who I am in each moment, realizing that this is what I have, this is who I am right now. There is no supposed to. All there is, is where my foot is on the ground, my ass on a seat, eh, you get the picture.
Approaching it like that, especially since I had tried for so long to be present, to be mindful, to have all these experiences I read about books, in languages written long ago, helps me. Helps me put it together, see a oneness. And I hope this helps you.
But a Simple Book
This is just a book. Imagine if you will that when your Soul decided to cruise on through what New Agers call the Akashic Records and what others say God made or others still say about reincarnation, your Soul saw this really awesome book that it had to read. LIKE FO’REAL! Had to read. In every single moment, this book would be filled with such amazing twists and turns, such highs and lows, if the movie rights were optioned off, it’d be the greatest movie ever, better than Avatar, Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, Titanic, and the next box office breaker all combined. Hands down this book, that screenplay, the subsequent movie is the most amazing thing to ever be expressed in the world.
What if I told you, that is what your Soul did? It chose this book and its title, Life: Volume You (Insert Your Name Here), and your Soul wanted to experience, take in, live through all of what went in that book. I believe this to be the case. Adding the spiritual dimension to the picture of looking at life helps me make sense of the ups and downs. Helps me to see that on some deeper level that I’m experiencing and growing. I believe our Souls chose to be here. Chose our families. There are Souls out there waiting to choose many of us as parents.
You are here for a reason, for a purpose and that purpose is simple, you are here for Life. As your Soul sits right now, depending on who you may be, maybe it’s reading Chapter 40 and it all makes sense. Maybe it’s a shorter book and the Soul finished it and returned the book and went to celebrate what the famous Yogi Paramhansa (or Paramahansa depending on what you look at) Yogananda referred to as that holiday we all find at the end of each book about life. Maybe your Soul realized that it could write the parts just as well as it read…
Your life is a book. It is a movie. Be in it fully. Do that and no matter what pain, sorrow, joy, happiness comes up, you’ll always be okay. Because life is full, full of extremes in any given moment, and that’s okay, because if you take the time to look at it, to read it, to co-write it, you realize how okay it can be.
But a Simple Book (The Non-Soul Take)
Regardless of if you believe in reincarnation or not, you only have one life to live in this body, and I think that is pretty special. Do what you gotta do. So long as you aren’t hurting yourself or acting in a malicious fashion to others, live it to the fullest. There’s a great chance, very high probability that it’ll end sooner rather than later. You have all these spiritual types who talk about the Soul and going on and etc. Well, I’m going to quote JC: “The Kingdom of Heaven is within.” Don’t live for that day that you have no idea is going to come if it does or not. Live for that place inside, your Heart. It may be all that we got anyway. I hope there’s more beyond this. I’ve had some unexplainable things happen but who knows?
As much as I’m spiritual (gosh I cringe at that word because of the connotations that come with it), I am also human. I have doubt. I have a hard time making sense of so many things that happen. While I like to take the time to look at it from the Soul view, I also like to be a realist about it. Where I once hated feeling, being human, I now love that. Regardless of my meditative experiences, regardless of some of the magical things that have happened, at the end of the day, it’s just me, my thoughts, that quiet and still place when I choose to go there. I believe but I also have to be real with myself to honor my human experience fully. So what is it that I believe?
I believe in my Heart. I believe that life can be awesome even while it’s sucking. It’s just a frame of mind really. An approach. A perspective. And regardless of my Soul, something that I feel, I cannot prove that. Regardless if I believe beyond the illusion of this duality, that this, like many cultures say, is all a dream. I cannot prove a damn thing. It’s the story I’m telling. So I’m going to believe in life. And I am going to believe in me. That I can change. Because I have seen it and I have done it. I’ve watched my physical being change. I’ve experienced how my internal environment changes. Because I listen to what’s going on inside, this small voice, and it’s told me, over and over again: Choose Love, Jason. So I choose to believe in me, to see the world and how it reflects off of me, and to find the love in it. Because when it’s done, it’s done and I want to experience love, man.