Working as a Psychic is fascinating. I used to think it was hokey but the further I go into the game, the more that I see that I do have a valuable gift that can help people who are open. For some reason, I am still drawing some closed people into my space and I have been taking the time to assess why that is so that I can be better able to assist and this blog is a thought experiment in that.
The deeper I go into my spiritual development the more I see that this is who I am and there is great joy in that. The challenge for me arises in the times where I refuse to meet people at their level. What I mean by that is I am very aggressive in my spiritual development, see the benefits of it, have found the joys in living despite life’s tragic, yet at times I forget where I’ve come from and as a result I don’t allow myself to relate, that perhaps some people don’t have enough Faith to walk outside Plato’s Cave and see how beautiful life really is. Maybe they haven’t even considered it and it takes some time for them to process. Whatever the case is…
That’s a trap for me because at my finest moments, I am able to empower, get to the core of what is challenging whoever I am working with. At my worst moments, I go to battle with the client’s ego, much in the way I battled myself (and still grapple).
This has popped up for me in the last two nights. The two nights were brilliant and overall I felt like I made a difference in the lives of everyone I read except one. That’s where I will begin. We’ll call that person “No Hope” because even though she had all the tools to be hopeful, she refused to turn the mirror around. She told me many times in her life, had she been told that what we dislike in others is what we don’t like in ourselves but she couldn’t see it.
I tried to give examples from an array of things because her energy felt good and I felt like I was being guided to give a slight adjustment, but she was closed off. When I went to make change for her I came back and heard from her friend that she felt I spoke too much about me. Well… I can’t do much when I ask what the question is and the person says: you tell me. If I tell you and go with that but then you aren’t pleased…
I also can’t do much when I give examples and the person doesn’t say much beyond that. I offered to credit her because I didn’t want the money but she said it was for my time. I don’t get why people pay for things they didn’t want. At the start of the reading, her closed off sense made me laugh and my gauge was to say to leave. I should have acted on that because though it’s nice to get paid, that was a waste of precious energy for both of us. Don’t get me wrong I am all about making money and thriving because I have a vision to start an organization to serve my community but if I didn’t make an impact or help people, I feel like I failed in that instant. Which in all honesty is probably my own intense critique as on a spiritual level, there is no right or wrong, and really all I can hope is to do my best. I just see how, feel how little time we really do have here and I strive to touch lives as best as I can with that time.
The second occurrence that popped into my space happened last night had to do with someone inquiring. A woman did not enter the Tree but poked her head in the window and ask if I was any good. So when I joked back after laughing and thenI saw a degree of defensiveness in her which I didn’t get, are you being playful, what’s the deal. So I didn’t back down and then they asked me my sign and wasted time basically. I gave those two women five minutes and I am sorry I didn’t fit the bill of old lady or astrologer but seriously, I’m not a salesman. My boss probably doesn’t like that but I don’t care, I serve the above, and I’m there, I’m here to assist. I tried the sales thing previously and though I’m passionate, I know what’s it like to have stuff pushed on me, so I suggest trusting the heart and acting from there.
The way I think, these experiences came in to my life to show me that on some level I have some defensiveness that I am rooting out, clearing out and the more I do it, the better I get at this and the more profitable the venture is. I feel like it was worthwhile in that regards to go through but then on a very human level, which spirit or not, I am human, connected or not, I feel and it hurts. And people see that. There are a number of intuitive people that I encounter that can see the both intense joy sitting next to the intense pain.
I am deeply scarred. People don’t realize that depth at which I feel and perhaps because the world is filled with other scarred and far more fragmented beings, can’t appreciate genuine compassion when it’s there. I can get that. My head was up my ass for a long time. I can respect where it’s at.
I love others and it is a dream of mine, has always been to help, to serve, yet time and time again, I encounter these reminders that I must seek the joy, find the love in it all because it will not come from others. That’s not to say that others out there do not appreciate what I do, but realize that I am doing this because this is who I am and I have more than enough support and evidence that guiding in the way I do and that striving to be the best that I can be makes me the best that I am in each moment regardless of what others may view.
I breathe in. I breathe out. I process. I release. Mahalo ke Akua for guiding me in all that I do, for writing a fine script for me to go through and showing me both how far I’ve come, while at the same time how far I have to go. I am going to work harder at meeting people at their level. As my teacher says: they don’t have the same lens as you Dear-uh. And that’s it okay…
It really all is Okay. I believe that.