“Every time you go to sleep and wake back up, you have a new body and a new mind you know?” ~Adya
I am big into the spiritual journey, obviously, or maybe not b/c you never read me or don’t much know me in recent years. Anyhow, yeah, big into the spiritual journey and if there’s one thing I would like to ponder on today it’s that we can go to sleep in one consciousness and wake up into another.
My growth in life has at times been awkward and painful because what’s natural for another is foreign to me. I’m a feeler, I’m inclined to shoot from there and live from there but that is scary to others, I wasn’t afraid of it when I was younger but I grew afraid based on the response, seeking approval of others. For a long time I created many masks to protect me, not realizing that the Inner Me, my Spirit, the Diamond Self of my Soul was always safe. My life has taken me to a place where I wake up today finding no remorse for being who I am.
I’ve seen as my ego has covered base and backed down time and time again, how I put back stones that were left unturned. I can’t do that anymore. I wrote a huge piece about selling out and how I’d grown weary of it yet as soon as the pressures of life crept in, as soon as I put my power outside of me, I was quick to sell out.
But why? What does it matter what anyone else thinks, says or does? This came to me as I spoke to my cousin this morning about my experience last year because he was commenting on the usage of the L-word in my last blog. Love is huge in life, in my opinion, a very valuable experience and energy and that it is possible, when going from that place of the Spirit, to do it without condition. I had to ask: what if I didn’t go through a break-up but a death with my ex? Would I have not been in the same place? Are we not faced with situation after situation which leaves us going through what we are going through, in essence, alone? Who else can feel what we each feel? Be who we each are? Is it not important for the safe harbor, the place of consistency to be within?
I didn’t say I love you recently in my life because I needed to hear it said back. I said it because I needed to express what I was feeling and it felt good to feel that again because I thought I wouldn’t. And people have been honest in saying how they have felt with me throughout time. Why should I be afraid to express what I feel? Especially if it’s love. Why should any of us? There is no wrong in being true to feelings if they don’t add up. How often to we play chess in love? “I’m only going to give if I get this.” Is that really love? Or is it fear?
I’m okay with the fact that this is who I am, a feeler, I love life, people, and I can’t change that nor do I need the approval or reciprocation from anyone else to be who I am.
Thx to my cousin, Keone, for stirring that new mind that I woke up into this morning!