The Dark Night of the Soul

“Pain is mandatory.  Suffering is an elective.” ~ Me

Many people in this day and age (and throughout all of time really but a larger number now probably b/c of population blah blah blah) are experiencing spiritual crises in their lives.  This crisis, the Dark Night of the Soul is an opportunity to quiet the babble of the Ego and allow the Diamond Self of the Soul’s light shine brightly through all of life’s seasons, changes, peaks, and valleys. It’s important because life is unexpected.

One of the biggest cracks that I have fallen in is to think that I’m there, I’ve got it.  And usually there is based on external stimuli.  As much as external experiences in the form of relationships, work, travel, etc. are great and nice desires to have, desires are not needs and the journey of the Soul through its thousands of lives is to wake up to the only thing that will ultimately fulfill it, the infinite beauty within, that is the only constant, the only Truth of life in each moment regardless of circumstance.

Life is gritty, it’s grimy, it’s dirty.  But with that grit, grime, and dirt come valuable lessons.  And when we polish the muck away the shine that is left is beautiful beyond words.  That is what I think is the Truth about life.  What we contain within ourselves is so beautiful, so magnificent, it’s so amazing that’s why it’s hard to believe.  That’s why from time to time we get in our own ways.

I don’t know where my journey will take me, will end up, when it will be complete.  I don’t know when I will be there but I do know that I will end at some point so I best make the most of it, eh?  I have some rough clues about my path that are set but I also realize that I can contact that Diamond within and write the story as I go.  That’s another facet to our inner beauty: we are the producer, writer, director, star of our show.  The limits, any and all, are self-imposed.  And safe, secure.  Not safe, not secure in Spirit, but in the mind.  It takes care because of the known, it’s safer to put energy towards limitation, towards disbelief, because it is a surer thing that energy will come true in life. The other things come true as well, it’s just we’ve grown so accustomed to the worst case scenario that we focus more energy on that and get exactly what we ask for.

A year ago, I told the Universe, I would give up what I loved most, in order to share what’s in my Heart with the world.  A few short weeks later a storm unfolded and the Dark Night of the Soul arose forcing my hand, calling my bluff.  I’m exponentially healthier internally, externally, holistically and much stronger today.  I’m not complete in my spiritual growth but I am happy at how far I’ve traveled.  How I’ve expanded.  I can appreciate that and trust I’ll get to wherever I do when I do. That’s monumental for me, to be okay in this present moment.

Today I can also stand between, I can watch the drama I create with my ego and engage it or laugh.  Or I can sit with a simple smile as I marvel at this creation that is my life, that I command.  I had to go through everything from losing love to finding it within and being able to be free with it because it is only just love.  I had to go through writing two books and the subsequent experiences, struggles with publication, becoming a working Psychic, insert other random things in between to get to the book that I always knew I had to write since small kid time (and am six chapters deep today).  I had to go through that because I was the one who said I would give up what I love most in order to share what’s in my Heart with the world.

It’s funny, I was always good at selling things to people because I am passionate.  I’ve been told I have charisma but I don’t know what that means really.  All I can say is my passion is fueled by my love within.  I fall in love quite deeply.  Back in the day it was Muay Thai, changing Housing so the students would have it better, then politics, then Jiu-Jitsu, and there’s been other loves along the way.

I always wanted to know what exactly I was trying to say, why there was this burning because I knew once I figured it out I would be able to share that passion with others.  But the fuel of it all is within. And I get that.  I am grateful for the many wonderful experience, teachers, mirrors, and special beings that have traveled in and out of my life to direct my focus within, to give me the adjustments I needed in order to understand why this is important to me, and why I believe in sharing it with others.

The Buddha was right, we don’t have to suffer.  And Jesus was right too, choose love.  Modern teachers like Eckhart Tolle and Adyashanti and teachings from now gone gurus like Yogananda have it all right too.  We can awaken.  We’ve each our own pathway to the Mountain of God to Peace Within, to whatever words you want to use.  We can each brave the Dark Night of the Soul.

This is the age where a mass number will do so at least.  And if not, oh well, I can’t make a choice for anyone else but myself.  I’m just a Poet, and I’ll still love this life and all of You because we’re all in this island amidst the stars together.  And shoot, I’m Gemini, if I’m going to babble it might as well be about what I am most passionate about.

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