Life is meaningful or meaningless. It’s the lies we tell, the stories we believe. How do you write it?
Two nights ago, Adya called me, or I her (see the lies/stories we tell, I don’t recall), point being she said write down four dreams. I spent a good three years of my life logging and studying dreams from a daily to very consistent basis. I charted my travels as a part of my spiritual journey based on dreams and signs. I’m not the best but I’m pretty damn good at dream analysis these days. And what did I find through it all? That it all meant something and it all meant nothing because life is a subjective experience. And that even the waking state can be dreamlike in communication if you observe it.
We write the whole story. Coincidence, synchronicity, it’s all in how we choose to look at it. As I discussed the dreams I had with Adya yesterday, two components discussed the Diamond Self. I feel like that’s the place of recognition, of remembrance, because that is the part of us that never dies, the Infinite Soul, it’s the part connected to the Spirit, to God, to Love, to the something greater however one chooses to define it.
I realize, actually this has floated for a bit because I was so brainwashed by Hollywood and various books out there that what I was seeking externally could only be found within. I went on two journeys, ridiculous really albeit fun, great stories but I’ve always felt I didn’t have to go anywhere to get it. In essence, the only place to go when the Dark Night of the Soul unfolds is within. I thought and told a story based on the “signs” and people I encountered that it would lead me to my ex. Nope. Then I thought it would lead me to millions because people only listen to stories about love or money. Wrong there (a couple times, LOL). Then I thought well love in some form with someone. Ha, ha, yeah, you can guess that outcome.
I had this moment a few weeks ago where I looked at everything going around as I watched the Love and the Fear play side by side. I just fell to my knees in my yard, the slight moon and trees, the wind my company, and all I could do was laugh at myself. Ridiculous. I made all of this. This crazy ride, I’m the architect. As are we all of our own lives. We’ve no control over others but our thoughts, our feelings go into the energy and create the experiences we then take away. I looked for all this stuff outside when really what I was seeking the whole time, was myself. It’s the answers to the questions we all ask from time to time: Who am I? Why am I? What am I doing here?
The answers I found outside of me never felt right. Never satisfied the burning within. It was something more, something that when I touched it drove me to tears so deep I couldn’t even put into words what I was feeling beyond Love or God because those are the words associated with such a great knowing on such an intrinsic level.
I was reminded of this as I listened to the tapes of A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, a book I read last year that spoke so deeply to me. To hear her voice speak about her spiritual crisis resonated. I could relate. I have been in spiritual crisis for 20 years going from depression to anger to sadness to self-loathing to the whole gamut of destructive emotions and back, feeling a great degree of loneliness. As I started to identify that Fear was rampant in my life a year ago and to choose love, this woman had broken it down in much the same way many years before. To hear talk about how the patterns all rolled despite so much progress. Another thing I could relate to.
The spiritual crisis is probably the single most unrecognized challenge that each person faces. Each incarnation of the Soul faces it because the point of life is to remember the Diamond within, to recognize that there is a chord of Love that connects it All, that there is purpose to the experience, to the journey of the Soul through its thousands of lives.
So back to license plates, well I had the diamond dreams and then a dream where I am telling a woman that someone was not her Soul Mate. She looked appalled. I adjusted the window and then the key fit and I told her but it could be. Later in the day during my waking state, I was on my way to do a hike and turned around at the last minute because my phone rang. I headed back and the car that pulled in front of me at that moment, had the license plate: SOL M8. What a mirror to see. Everything we look for outside has to be recognized within because we have the entire world within our beings, again life is subjective. I was looking for so long outside for someone to share an experience with when I have the world to experience and share with myself. I had a vision of a woman and saw it twice in two others over the following years because I had yet to recognize God, to recognize Love within myself. I needed mirrors to see it. And the mirrors left and showed themselves to me in many different ways, from the many people I have connected to in the last year to the connection with the Earth I have felt over thousands of miles. Love is everywhere, we can experience it anywhere because Love is our Truth.
We are Spirit, we are Love, and that is what binds us all.
And that is what I’ve been trying to understand for so long but needed the experience.