Adventures in Urban Mysticism: God’s Always Listening…

God’s always listening… but are we?

A few weeks back I wrote a query wondering what the heck I was doing.  Very natural, self-doubt comes in at times and it’s important to work through rather than avoid.  And I was deep in the: What was the point of this? This life? This Journey?  I have been committed fully to walking in faith for over a year and have been focused on this spiritual seeking since being told I had a higher calling over 8 years ago, and apparently I have always been spiritually, but really, what’s the point?  September hasn’t been too kind or rather it was a month of tough love.  It’s funny how things play out in your life, eh?

Faith is a challenge.  I am challenged daily and I get stronger, my endurance grows and grows, I find joy in the smallest of things, get tickled at what many may view as trivial.  I feel very child-like today as opposed to yesterday, many yesterdays, and with each new today, I grow more into this state of being where I am, dare I say, present…

When I wrote the blog in question, I thought of all the people who’d come in to my space as a Psychic or as I look at it, spiritual guidance, and many of the first including a woman named Malia, came into my mind because it’s those people, it’s that one small percentage that being there made some sort of difference.  Maybe it’s that Five People You Meet In Heaven thing, I don’t know.  Well, Malia called me out of the blue the other day…

Things never happen in the time we want, but with enough faith, enough endurance, they will happen, guarantee.  My friend Steven, he’s an MMA guy, and his girlfriend have an interesting story.  She’d just about given up on love but had a dream a few years back that someone talked to her about that issue and told her to love herself, then gave her a hug.  That someone was a bit more heavyset than when she met him a few months ago, for the first time.  That someone was me.  Steven took me out to meet her sister, who he liked (I know crazy) and my intuition felt and told him that we were more there for Jayel.  I don’t know how or why or what or again how but she had a dream, and I was in it, and we had that same conversation, albeit a few years later.  I led her on a guided meditation at the beach one day after being guided to where she was parked.  Serendipitous indeed.

I’ve thought I’ve known many times how my journey would play out.  I surely do not and these surprises are starting to become enjoyable.  I like knowing, I used to want to have control, but I realize the not yet is not quite written and is dependent upon what we are yet to do. The choices we make, the gifts we are given.

I called Malia back and played phone tag.  Adya and I were chilling and she told me you never know who might find my card somehow and how that could help you out.  In Malia’s message she mentioned finding my card and a book that I gave her.  Funny…

My life is unfolding, it’s nerve wracking, it’s stretching, it’s a Journey filled with Alone-ness though I know I am not lonely, just each path, each one of our walks is our own and we have to do it in our own way before we can relate to others in consciousness and see God in All.

Malia called me back this morning.  Her message, she had a vision of my face and heard my name so she called after finding my card and still having that book.  I told her to pass the book on someday and when I get published I’ll send her a copy of the book I wrote.  It’s funny when you write things back to yourself later how more of the dots connect.  I’m seeing dots connect on my own Inner Work right now…

We talked for awhile and there were many pearls in there.  More importantly, it was about the connection and a few weeks back I wondered if I would ever see or hear from her again after she’d moved away and boom, look at that.  I did.

So like I began this: God’s always listening… but are we?  Are we really listening when it says to judge not foreigners in the Old Testament or to love the Good Samaritan in the new?  Are we really looking and seeing that Love is transcendent regardless of Race, Religion, ‘Reality…’

Are we listening as the Earth shakes, as the markets crash?  Are we really listening to the rhythm of life all around?  Maybe.  Probably not.  But that’s okay, as long as we are alive we have the opportunity to do so, and it’s those moments when I remember the deeper connection that I truly feel alive.

THX much!

Adventures in Urban Mysticism: Endurance

James 1: 2 – 3 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  When your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Wo! Is that a clearing ahead?

I have encountered a whole lot of stressed out people at a time when I’m kind of stressed out.  I’m only kind of stressed out because I believe it’s all going to work out as best as it can and I’m doing my part to assist, then letting go and letting God from there.  But it’s funny/sad in many ways.

I’ve had a friend who was concerned about moving because something that didn’t fit in her plans that came up and a woman concerned about if she’ll be able to pay her lease hit me up in the last month.  The latter calling and texting me throughout the day, even after I asked her not too.  Adya told me that I manifested these people and these situations to show me my own thoughts, the thoughts that scare me about if I’m going to be okay.  I share because I find it an interesting dynamic. I was also going through a moving situation and am still going through the how am I going to pay for this all.

I’ve also been snapped at by three friends on three separate occasions for the oddest of things which had no baring on their lives/like I was doing something on purpose when I’m merely living.  I don’t feel a victim by any means but I take it as the external manifestations of that own part of me that is so critical of each step and the part that thinks selfishly too.  That part wreaked havoc in my last relationship because it is that part that is insecure and thinks the world is doing what it does because it’s out to get me.

That last bit is a hard one to swallow.  I heard it recently in my words when I commented how I’ve been successful at providing resources and helping others but I kind of suck at helping myself and I had to ask: what about me.  I’ve been doing all this stuff for other people not only in the last year but my whole life for peanuts.  When do I get mine?  And that’s a question we all get caught in and well, that question isn’t unconditional, is it?  Hasn’t that line of thinking kind of screwed the pooch for years now?  #I’mjustsaying…

So it’s been good to encounter these situations because the external element helps me realize my endurance is getting there.  That as a former mentor told me recently: I’m almost ready.

The other night I went into the tree and decided to give it my all.  I lucked out because I had some youth come in first and I love helping out younger people, my Inner Jonathan Livingston Seagull that thinks maybe there’s someone younger out there who can benefit from what I’ve been through lights up.  That created a wave that lasted all night and brought someone who was like talking to Adya but a dude.  His name was Gerd and he told me he was guided there.  His words: do you have a gift?

LOL.  How I have heard those words, those exact words.  The difference, when I heard those words before I was looking out for me, looking for my interest first, worried about me and not letting God do what God does, which is just that: looks out for us.  The first time I was thinking I’d get published and I got hosed by that person, the second time thinking it’d help me get into film and I was paraded around like a spectacle by that other person.  This time, the third time, I was merely thinking I’m going to facilitate whatever message Spirit has, let God be expressed in that moment.

And wow, I learned so much and Gerd told me: you’ve given me so much.  Then he said: Thank you.  Two words.  Two simple words. He also was quite tickled that I was located in a tree, like treasure he found.  That was pretty cool.  I feel good about myself these days because I love me but that was a nice compliment.  Santiago found his treasure at home beneath a tree, the place he sat to watch his flock in The Alchemist, so that was a bit meaningful for personal reasons.

That day, I went in with nothing to lose and only to give and it taught me a great many things.  I’d like to get paid for what I do but that’s okay if I don’t.  I can tell when people are giving from love versus fear and it has to do when I’m doing that myself.  And my journey, from that first tattoo (that reads: Love always protects, always believes, always hopes, always endures, love never fails) until now has been about learning what it means to live from and choose Love over Fear.

I don’t know where, what, how, who will enter my space.  The Simple Voice is already getting set to be turned into IDONTKNOW.com but really I have faith it’s all going somewhere and I’ll learn and smile through it all, shed a tear and shake my fist when I have to.  And I’m almost there, my endurance, the going into what scares me is cleansing more and more each time.

And dare I say, as much as we are here to experience, we are here for others and when that is the focal point, much as the summit of consciousness is, we can find God in all that we are and experience because only Love is true and God is Love.  All that other BS, the fear, the lashing out, it’s not who those people really are and it’s certainly not who I am.

Take care, Aloha nui, and Thanks Be…

Aloha ke Akua.

Adventures in Urban Mysticism: Connecting the Dots…

“I’m done with the winning because I’ve already won.” ~Charlie Sheen at his Roast on Comedy Central

Nine years ago today I got a text from my cousin, Keone, that our Grandfather passed.  I would talk to my Mom (her Dad) a short while later about it, I talked to her today too, but I wanted to know if my parents minded if I donated a suitcase that they had from the time I was born.  She laughed and said it was too heavy by these days standards and I wouldn’t be able to travel with much in it.  I laughed too because I gave away my 45 litre backpack that I lived out of for so long because when I set on another quest, I’m going with a 30 litre.  I’ve given away so much over the years and without trying too hard to live a fairly minimalistic lifestyle.  I might just pull off the 100 item challenge one of these days…

Papa’s death was the craziest thing to happen in my life at that time.  It sucked too because I hated myself.  It was my first experience with the death of a family member and old enough to process what was going on with that at least.  I observed so many things about it, so many that I wrote about it and talked about it often.  The nine years since (read all about my views on Death), Death has become my guide, my friend, and of course something else, Death haunts me, not out of fear, but I wonder if I’ve truly lived fully each day. And as life gets crazier by the day, I wonder even more…

That day, I would go on to get ridiculously drunk.  I don’t recall for certain but there was a very good chance I hung out with my friend Jason Suzuki, who I’ve lost touch with but have been thinking about this week as I ran into another old friend, Sandy Suzuki.  Jay, as I called him, and he called me, and I both worked at Safeway in Manoa.  I also worked with another Jay (Adair) at Safeway in Hilo, where I grew up with Sandy, and I thought of Jay (Suzuki) today because I Goodwill’d a backpack he gave me with a Patron logo.  Jay’s a liquor distributor on the Big Island.  So yeah, Jay Suzuki and I went out and I got blitzed.  (See the theme, how it all connects?)

I came back to the dorms, where I worked, and I called Trista, the woman I began dating that night.  We’d been talking off and on for a few weeks but that night she took care of me.  I was four years older and that night, actually the duration of our relationship, she was wiser, knew how to care for me more than I did for myself. I hated myself.  Just reiterating that in case you missed it.

I wasn’t very good in that relationship.  Hindsight is always 20/20 and I can look back at each closed chapter (relationship) and see how many of the issues I had were because I didn’t love myself and visa versa.  The dance of my whole life has taken me to this place inside, this place I talk about in readings, in consultations, in writing.  I call it God, I call it Love.  I can’t really describe it but I am glad I know how it feels.  I never knew how it feels but you know, through all the tears of my life, many shed at the death of others as they changed suits, I have been carried through by that place in a strange way.  It took me the duration of my life to realize, to experience, and the mystery unfolds more and more each day but I’m grateful to be alive and feel the way I do even though in many ways I have so little physically.

I’ve been living pretty minimally over the last year, as I said, I lived out of a backpack for months, and living without much else since.  It’s funny because I used to have a truck bed worth of things when I left UH in 2006 because I put so much investment outside of me to escape me.  It’s so silly because the best thing about life is within.  No get me wrong, I love being alive, I love others, and right now, I’m really digging comic books, can’t wait to see another live baseball game, want to watch some football, hope Rampage destroys Bones, but I realize that what was once the focal point of my life, external stuff, doesn’t really matter, and God, beauty, Love, can be found in any experience.  Something I think is really important, maybe because this attachment to what’s next or what was, was destroying me.  I’m not attached like I once was.

I’m no Buddha but I’ve done very well at growing mindful and becoming unattached since 9 years ago today.  And I have faith I’ll make it through whatever until I die because I made it through when I wasn’t even focusing on that place inside.  When death happens, it just means all that I had to do on this plane is pau, just like how it was when Papa left that year and Old left last year, and many others.  It’s all but a dream they say.

Mahalo ke Akua and wherever this leads, chee huu man.  Chee huu.

 

When I Look Around

Painted clouds

Spot the sky

Canvas of God

And still we question why:

What’s so good about life? or simply

Why am I here?

Just live child, live.  My dear

the train conductor did say to me.

Be and let be

And in life one shall see

Sacred canvas mirrored

Speckled, spotted, painted

Etched and carved

throughout the Soul.

One big…

Soul.

Progress

Today I wrote the ending to The Tales of Mr. E. and The King (all rights, images, and likeness are Creator Owned by yours truly).  It inspired me.  It invigorated me.   It pumped me up.  I’ve been writing it chronologically for some time and had drafted the ending in a journal right after I began it.  It’s writing itself.  They say JK Rowling channeled Harry Potter.  Well, they being some psychics that I have met in my journey and a number of other people as well.  Anyway, at times I feel like Red is writing his own story and Snacks is as well.  Anyhow, there’s a beauty in crafting this that I have not experienced in other forms of writing.

It’s pretty cool and comes at a time when I need magic in my life more than ever.  In a few weeks, I’m moving.  My life actually goes buckwild next week as I’m house/dog sitting for two weeks, getting the move together (which isn’t going to be so intense because I don’t have a whole of of possessions these days), touch up painting the room I’m in now and yeah, wow.  Lots.  I should also be starting another job at Manifest in Honolulu, hearing back about another with Kamehameha Schools, and who knows what else.  I’ve been told I’m a great manifester.  I’m enjoying the unfolding of my life.

Just like to give a shout to God and the Universe of Loving Energy.  Chee huu to you Buddy!

Adventures in Urban Mysticsim: I’m On One…

“I walk around the club, (radio edit) everybody…” Lil Wayne verse on DJ Khaled’s “I’m on One”

We’re all One.  It’s an interesting concept.  Maybe one day, in my 40’s or 50’s, should my journey carry me to there, I’ll be able to explain that in a way that resonates universally.  Maybe that’s not my role.  I don’t know man.  What do any of us really know?

I quoted the above because I grew up in a world bombarded by visual, aural, viral, everything pornographic you can think of. So the (radio edit) doesn’t have the same meaning to me as it might from someone in a different generation.  I swear.  I have tattoos.  Not because I think it’s cool, but it’s something that is a part of the world I grew up with.  I do my best not to swear excessively but sometimes it just pops out for emphasis and Adya and I got into it one day about it.  Note: Adya swears and has done everything out there in the book, some of it eyebrow raising so I don’t feel bad for swearing in front of a 72 year old.

I used (radio edit) after spiritual and that struck a chord with her.  My intent was different.  I know intent and interpretation are two different things but I’m in this state of focusing on authenticity and brutal compassion/honesty.  The world hasn’t listened to all sunshine and rainbows.  Life is all things, at all times, Light and Dark.  And there’s nothing problematic about that.  It’s all a part of the giant intricate system that is beyond any of us and we’re all here to experience and get to know on our spiritual journeys.

Which reminds me of something my brother once told me: Jas, you can listen to everyone, respect what they have to say, but at the end of the day, I’m my own man.  He was telling me about an experience he had had with our Dad and how he started to go out and really carve out his own way of operating despite what our Dad said.  I can’t comment too deeply because their relationship is different than my dynamic with our Dad and my dynamic with him is different as well.  So I will not discuss that nor criticize it.  But it’s interesting because I can apply that same principle to many of different teachers I have experienced.  Including myself, I’ve blinded myself with an unrealistic love that does not fit the body fully.  It fits the spiritual, I totally believe that.  I totally believe it is ALL Love, and ALL one, but the experience of Love in its many forms, the full appreciation of it only comes through the range of humanity that we travel through thousands of lives and millions of experiences of the Soul in the Flesh.

I had a dream recently that my brother told me he hated me.  It tripped me out.  I didn’t make him the object, like if he really hates me in waking life, but on some level, in my psyche, there is a part of me that hates me.  And I’m okay with that.  It’s there for a reason and if the full range of human existence includes hate and self-loathing, it is my opinion, one has to be open to the possibility of that feeling arising.  And it’s a feeling for a reason, otherwise it wouldn’t be there. Only in allowing and accepting the possibility that a feeling is present can we move into a different feeling that may serve us better in a situation.

Maybe because I’ve not popped into Buddhahood, become Eckhart Tolle, or ascended like Christ, I’m open to the probability that the derailing emotions will come back around.  I stress the okay factor because hate, rage, anger are all just words to describe an energy, a feeling.  We walk in and out of energies all day.  As a result, we’re subject to it all.  What we do with it, is what we do with it.  And that’s okay too.

That being said, don’t go and bust some caps in people just because.  I don’t believe in that.  While it’s an experience, that’s not healthy.  I won’t go into the whole right vs. wrong debate because none of us alive really know what that means for others or what God will do.  But I will advocate making decisions based upon whether they are healthy or not.  And if you err on the side of a healthy choice, I think that’s loving you and honestly loving to others.  And I believe God is pro-that.  And so I say:

I walk around the club, Love everybody.  Or (radio edit) everybody.  What’s healthy for me might not be healthy or the experience needed for another.

Shoots.