Adventures in Urban Mysticism: Endurance

James 1: 2 – 3 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  When your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Wo! Is that a clearing ahead?

I have encountered a whole lot of stressed out people at a time when I’m kind of stressed out.  I’m only kind of stressed out because I believe it’s all going to work out as best as it can and I’m doing my part to assist, then letting go and letting God from there.  But it’s funny/sad in many ways.

I’ve had a friend who was concerned about moving because something that didn’t fit in her plans that came up and a woman concerned about if she’ll be able to pay her lease hit me up in the last month.  The latter calling and texting me throughout the day, even after I asked her not too.  Adya told me that I manifested these people and these situations to show me my own thoughts, the thoughts that scare me about if I’m going to be okay.  I share because I find it an interesting dynamic. I was also going through a moving situation and am still going through the how am I going to pay for this all.

I’ve also been snapped at by three friends on three separate occasions for the oddest of things which had no baring on their lives/like I was doing something on purpose when I’m merely living.  I don’t feel a victim by any means but I take it as the external manifestations of that own part of me that is so critical of each step and the part that thinks selfishly too.  That part wreaked havoc in my last relationship because it is that part that is insecure and thinks the world is doing what it does because it’s out to get me.

That last bit is a hard one to swallow.  I heard it recently in my words when I commented how I’ve been successful at providing resources and helping others but I kind of suck at helping myself and I had to ask: what about me.  I’ve been doing all this stuff for other people not only in the last year but my whole life for peanuts.  When do I get mine?  And that’s a question we all get caught in and well, that question isn’t unconditional, is it?  Hasn’t that line of thinking kind of screwed the pooch for years now?  #I’mjustsaying…

So it’s been good to encounter these situations because the external element helps me realize my endurance is getting there.  That as a former mentor told me recently: I’m almost ready.

The other night I went into the tree and decided to give it my all.  I lucked out because I had some youth come in first and I love helping out younger people, my Inner Jonathan Livingston Seagull that thinks maybe there’s someone younger out there who can benefit from what I’ve been through lights up.  That created a wave that lasted all night and brought someone who was like talking to Adya but a dude.  His name was Gerd and he told me he was guided there.  His words: do you have a gift?

LOL.  How I have heard those words, those exact words.  The difference, when I heard those words before I was looking out for me, looking for my interest first, worried about me and not letting God do what God does, which is just that: looks out for us.  The first time I was thinking I’d get published and I got hosed by that person, the second time thinking it’d help me get into film and I was paraded around like a spectacle by that other person.  This time, the third time, I was merely thinking I’m going to facilitate whatever message Spirit has, let God be expressed in that moment.

And wow, I learned so much and Gerd told me: you’ve given me so much.  Then he said: Thank you.  Two words.  Two simple words. He also was quite tickled that I was located in a tree, like treasure he found.  That was pretty cool.  I feel good about myself these days because I love me but that was a nice compliment.  Santiago found his treasure at home beneath a tree, the place he sat to watch his flock in The Alchemist, so that was a bit meaningful for personal reasons.

That day, I went in with nothing to lose and only to give and it taught me a great many things.  I’d like to get paid for what I do but that’s okay if I don’t.  I can tell when people are giving from love versus fear and it has to do when I’m doing that myself.  And my journey, from that first tattoo (that reads: Love always protects, always believes, always hopes, always endures, love never fails) until now has been about learning what it means to live from and choose Love over Fear.

I don’t know where, what, how, who will enter my space.  The Simple Voice is already getting set to be turned into IDONTKNOW.com but really I have faith it’s all going somewhere and I’ll learn and smile through it all, shed a tear and shake my fist when I have to.  And I’m almost there, my endurance, the going into what scares me is cleansing more and more each time.

And dare I say, as much as we are here to experience, we are here for others and when that is the focal point, much as the summit of consciousness is, we can find God in all that we are and experience because only Love is true and God is Love.  All that other BS, the fear, the lashing out, it’s not who those people really are and it’s certainly not who I am.

Take care, Aloha nui, and Thanks Be…

Aloha ke Akua.

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