Adventures in Urban Mysticism Redux: Spiritual Betrayal

“Something’s rotten in the State of Denmark.” ~ Shakespeare

So far in my life, if I’m parting ways with a mentor or a teacher, it hasn’t ended so cool.  I think the reason for that is because of my own dependence on someone external up until this point in my life and my value of loyalty.  Maybe I was an Old Wolf in a past life…

My first experience with the ending of a teacher/student of life/Spirit relationship began to end when my life was threatened in order to ‘motivate’ me.  While I see what happened, in that space and time, it was very hard to go through.  Imagine someone you look up to, who has given you counsel threatening your life unless you do something.  Pretty nuts, right?

With another experience, I was asked if I wanted to sell weed because at the time I was hard for money and well, I didn’t like that idea very much.  There were a couple of other elements at play that showed me this Being’s Humanity and I walked away without drama in that one but I was still questioning, ya know?

I was later told by a guide that we’d have a lifelong relationship only for it to end unexpectedly (at the time it was but when I look back at it, I could see it coming) only to be told I was being released because I could guide myself.  It was strange because I was feeling something in my intuition that I could not explain and according it led to some conflict between us.  It was underlying, perhaps it always existed, but it’s okay.  I had committed myself to living from and for Love and well, things didn’t add up.  So while this didn’t have a bad thing at all to it, I did feel a sense of abandonment in light of all the events I was dealing with but it was cool because I had reached some point where I could guide myself.

In theory, in essence, that’s what it’s all about.  You do the hokey pokey, turn your life around and walk each time a teacher enters and exits life.

But, ho Brah (as we say in Hawaii), the most recent experience really stings.  It stings because the knowledge I was given by the Teacher was invaluable, extremely helpful but when the tables of our lives have turned, true colors were shown…

It’s easy to share spiritual knowledge but it truly is hard to practice what one preaches, that’s why they say the expression, has to be.  The hardest part of this experience, this teacher is the very one who told me to always trust my Psychic, the Intuitive part of my Being, trust in it always, and in this case, that part is telling me that what I’m getting from her in regards to a recent development is well, beyond words.  And it mirrors the experiences above but perhaps the higher we climb up the mountain of consciousness, the harder the pill gets to swallow each time.  And the others, they never forget their humanity…

I don’t want to throw my teacher under the bus.  But man, I can’t believe this is the experience playing out in my life.  I did some research and read a number of articles about spiritual teachers abusing their posts and their students, so apparently it’s common.  So it’s not surprising, we are human, I get that.  But…

I found myself going to a place where I would get no bull and went to talk with to my first ‘real’ Psychic Teacher.  The first Psychic and person who told me I could be Professional at this and that my relationship would end (“I wouldn’t usually tell people that but with you the Spirits said I had to.” She said with a laugh.) and there was a Mountain I was being called to.  Funny right?  Most people see Psychic and think Bull.  I don’t because most of what this woman has said has come to pass in my life.

Her words are the most telling and helpful of this recent experience:

“You never put a teacher on a pedestal.”

The others were up there because I put them up there.  This one yes and no…

I know in time, I will be able to see this clearly.  I accept that it’s time and I’m ready, in fact, my Spirit has been nudging me for sometime and this hard slap was what I needed to trust my own Knowing and say peace out with honor.  Technically, she’s not been my teacher for almost a year since she let me go in March of last year.  But she kept saying she was my teacher and well, man, I respected that.

It’s hard.  As are many of things we face in life.  That’s okay.  I also learned early on you don’t put your values on others because it leads to disappointment but man, when I say I love someone and I appreciate them, I really do.  I don’t throw that around.  I haven’t always been conscious of my words because I was dealing with my own stuff, but I really focus on emphasizing the balance, the middle of being Human and Spirit.  And it’s a task Dude!

The human part makes mistakes, no doubt, that’s the beauty of being human, making and growing from mistakes.  I’ve made many but I strive not to stab people.  If I do something cutting, I often sense it and try to do what I can to atone for it.  And many times I have fallen short in that in the eyes of others but only in the last year have I undertaken the Journey to forgive myself always.

“It’s all just an experience.”

Yes I realize that.  But you stabbed me, you cut me, and I see you for who you are.  I love you, I forgive, and I release you to the Spirit.  But we are done.

“I can divorce you, you know?  Oh wait, they telling me I shouldn’t tell you that.”

But you did, a few weeks after we met, and I didn’t see it then, I was too in awe, and it’s okay, it makes everything I gained that much more valuable.

“You need these experiences so you can teach people…”

Yeah, I never thought I’d get this experience from you.  But it’s okay.  I accept it.  Lord knows I’ve been through worse and worse yet.  I’ll keep on walking the Path.

“I love you know.”

And that’s the thing about Love.  It comes in many forms and when a person doesn’t feel loved by the actions of another, it’s very telling.  It’s one thing to be dependent upon the love of another.  I’ve been there.  It’s another time to feel when something unloving is coming at us and well, that’s a choice.

It’s a choice to love.  It’s a choice not to.

It’s okay, I love you but I can’t walk with you anymore.  My trust in you as a friend is broken.

“Be your own Guru.”

I forgive you but right now I can’t talk to you, not until the hurt of this passes.  After I honor it.  And if we never talk again, that’s okay too.  I know what is is just a part of the Journey in each and ever moment.

“It’s just an experience.  And you’ve no time for it.”

Hurt is real.  It is a real experience just as the Spirit is.  Just as a great many things are.

“You’re going to move.  Well, I shall miss you.”

Thank you Teacher, I set you free, you’ve been trying to kick me to the curb since I first met you.  You don’t have to do that any more because I’m gone.

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