AUM Redux: Happiness

“To live is suffer.  And to survive, well that’s to find the meaning in the suffering…” ~ DMX

The first spiritual mentor that I ever really consciously had would talk about how our feelings were a choice.  I don’t know if we choose all feelings but I do think we can choose our way to hold on to or to let go of feelings that don’t serve us.  Lately, I’ve been experiencing doldrums, the normal highs and lows, and I keep coming back to choosing happiness, which I didn’t practice.  I told people about it because I knew it worked but finally I decided to put it into play in my life, and it’s had quite an impact on me…

It’s not always immediate that my mood changes but it changes every time, every time and that amazes me, it humbles me, and resonates deeply with my Heart because…

I realize the reason why it changes.  I’m now consciously talking to God, the Spirit, and I know this to be so because of the feelings I’ve had in the Journey over the years, that I’m being heard and now I go there, much as the traditions teach, because it is there I can release, I can let go, and let Love into my life.

That there alone, the sense, to trust that Something out there greater than me is still there, regardless of if I can prove it or not, is so powerful.  And recently, it has led me to have giant flashbacks of different points in my life, times where I didn’t know, didn’t believe if I was heard or not but I didn’t know where else to turn, who else, what else to talk to.

I often see myself on the train, the first time I rode the train to New Orleans, where I would experience an energy of Rebirth and ask for the Spirit to enter my life, to accept that energetic passage that Jesus opened up to the Christ Consciousness.  I also see the train on my way to San Francisco, where I finally allowed healing through presence and mindfulness to enter my life.

Many times, I see moments of my childhood, doors I’ve long kept shut.

I don’t know what’s going to happen.  Still debating on calling this IDontKnow.com and there’s alot that isn’t perfect.  But I choose happiness.  And more importantly, I choose to find the meaning in the happiness…

 

AUM Redux: Adventure Say What?

Wow, how G-Dep [flashback to the ‘Special Delivery’ track of yesteryear] is that?  Adventures in Urban Mysticism is more or less abbreviated as AUM.  Coincidence?  I think not.  More like synchronicity. And I didn’t even plan it… SWEET!

Doh, where was I [weren’t you writing something]?  Doh!

I get asked very often, “how are you doing?” to which my reply these days is:

“Crazy!!!” or “Crazy.” if I’m tired.

And it’s been a great response because it makes people stop for a moment.  Think about it.  How often do we go through the motions and say vanilla, cut, and dry statements like “good!” when we aren’t really good?

Another one I say often is “Okay.” because I believe it’s always okay due to how everything fits as a system but either way, how ever I am feeling, I’m being honest…

My life has been crazy!  In a good way.  It’s been exciting, fulfilling, challenging, heart-warming, as well as frustrating.  It’s all pretty balanced in that I’m getting a little bit of everything.  Doesn’t mean it’s not crazy nor do I view crazy as a bad thing.

For example, my new job is quickly becoming a brand new television series in the way it’s unfolding.  I love the people, I love the vibe, I love the location, and I suppose I have to say I love the drama because for some reason it’s there, it’s unfolding.  It’s fun, it’s exciting.  It can be irritating but when I get there, I just get in the zone like I’m tuning into another episode and I choose to embrace having an episodic type of day!

It’s cool because the dance with devil that I was having towards the end of the last year is diminishing.  There’s still the dark and everything, I know that, but I feel my protection so I do not feel afraid like I did for so long.  A friend told me, you were never afraid.  I may have never been afraid spiritually, but in real life, I was afraid, afraid of all sorts of things.  That’s a big theme that from small kid time I remember being so afraid.  A former mentor told me that I had absorbed it from my mother, the fear of my family being psychically transferred when I was born.

I don’t know if that’s true nor is there any way to prove or refute it but I do know that for a very long time, I was so very afraid.  And I don’t feel that so much.  I’m not Daredevil, the Man Without Fear, (or is that The Black Panther?) but I find ways to move past it because I accept it.

Is it hard?  Yes it is.  But hard isn’t a bad thing in life and many times, oftentimes, overcoming a challenge is quite fulfilling.

“But Why?” I get asked that alot too.  I don’t know.  I’d like to but that’s not how life works.  Life more gives us exactly what we need and deserve when it is needed and deserved.

So one day at a time, I enjoy this Adventure in Urban Mysticism, the Redux that it is, because it’s what I asked for…

To enjoy life, however it is, and to find a way to have an adventure wherever I was without feeling like I need to escape my life.

Or to be mindful.  Be present.  Not too happy, not too sad.  Just to be.

Aloha ke Akua.

JMAW [L.O.C.O.]

~The Story of L.O.C.O. coming soon…

Untitled Poem of Reflection

Walking step, by slow step…

Yet, still yet, I rush!

Rush, rush, rush…

Through each slow step.

Stop, Breathe, Release.

Let go.

Let God.

What does it mean?

Does it mean anything?

I hope so.

I believe so.

Yes.

Now where was I, quick!

Oh yeah,

Step, by slow step.

Adventures in Urban Mysticism Redux: Musings on My Attempts at a Normal Life

So I can grow my hair, then cut it off, get tattooed all over, get a new career opportunity, but I can’t escape the energy of who I am.  I’ve been getting visited still as I remarked previously.  I sat yesterday and consulted for a haunted young woman who thought I was full of shit because she was so wrapped up in her story.  I understand, I get wrapped up in stories from time to time.

The stories I like to jump right in, dive into, are one’s where I ride off into the sunset and it’s all peachy keen.  That’s not my life though and perhaps that’s not life itself either. It’s not a sad thing, it’s just an acceptance I suppose.  I’ve run alot in my life, I’ve fought alot, and now, here I am, I kneel in order to fly.

Life is some funny, yet poignant (insert).  That’s fo’sho.

Last week, an older gentlemen, talked to me about suicide and his belief in torture.  “Just get more crazy, that usually shuts them up.” Tattoo Adam would tell me when I told him because a few days prior to that, I listened to a man preach on about Jesus only to admit there were demons in life begrudgingly and how the Devil will steal my creative pieces so I better copyright, and Satan also drives people to Suicide.  I watched as the young woman glared at me, would not accept that Love or Light is out there.  I can still feel her eyes.  And I stopped trying to help and just allowed her to be as she is.  Because that’s where she is at.  And her Spirit could be quite happy playing out it’s existence on the Dark team.

That’s life.  Light and Dark.  How you want to do the Journey, all up to you.  And no matter what, Man will let one another down.  That’s why we need the Spirit.  That’s why God is still waiting with arms outstretched.  That’s why Love will prevail.  It has to.  Otherwise, it’s meaningless.

It really is…

I’m tired of explaining why, I don’t know how, I guess I just know what it is because I feel it.  And It is real, it’s the only Truth, the only Peace, the only Love that’s kept me going and the deeper I walk, the more it reveals, it’s like the layers are endless.  And perhaps, that gives this existence more meaning.