AUM Redux: Happiness

“To live is suffer.  And to survive, well that’s to find the meaning in the suffering…” ~ DMX

The first spiritual mentor that I ever really consciously had would talk about how our feelings were a choice.  I don’t know if we choose all feelings but I do think we can choose our way to hold on to or to let go of feelings that don’t serve us.  Lately, I’ve been experiencing doldrums, the normal highs and lows, and I keep coming back to choosing happiness, which I didn’t practice.  I told people about it because I knew it worked but finally I decided to put it into play in my life, and it’s had quite an impact on me…

It’s not always immediate that my mood changes but it changes every time, every time and that amazes me, it humbles me, and resonates deeply with my Heart because…

I realize the reason why it changes.  I’m now consciously talking to God, the Spirit, and I know this to be so because of the feelings I’ve had in the Journey over the years, that I’m being heard and now I go there, much as the traditions teach, because it is there I can release, I can let go, and let Love into my life.

That there alone, the sense, to trust that Something out there greater than me is still there, regardless of if I can prove it or not, is so powerful.  And recently, it has led me to have giant flashbacks of different points in my life, times where I didn’t know, didn’t believe if I was heard or not but I didn’t know where else to turn, who else, what else to talk to.

I often see myself on the train, the first time I rode the train to New Orleans, where I would experience an energy of Rebirth and ask for the Spirit to enter my life, to accept that energetic passage that Jesus opened up to the Christ Consciousness.  I also see the train on my way to San Francisco, where I finally allowed healing through presence and mindfulness to enter my life.

Many times, I see moments of my childhood, doors I’ve long kept shut.

I don’t know what’s going to happen.  Still debating on calling this and there’s alot that isn’t perfect.  But I choose happiness.  And more importantly, I choose to find the meaning in the happiness…


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