AUM Redux: Circles Done Closing…

Circles, I like to close them.  It’s funny because when you close a circle, it means that something is over, it’s done, it’s pau, as we say in Hawaii.

A few weeks or maybe it was months ago, I told my cousin, Keone, that I felt like I was closing a circle working out in Kaneohe again.  He said to me that when you close a circle it means your done…

At the age of 26, just short of the start of my Saturn Return [I argue that is when it started because that’s when sh** done started to go crazy], I told the Universe, I had my Heart-to-Heart with God and said: I’m going to live my Dream, whatever that is.

So I let a relationship end without a fight, I accepted it, I quit my job, and I decided it was time for me to do something.  I’d no idea what but I had to do something different, you know?  I was in Kaneohe at that time in a situation similar to what I’m in now.

Literally, quote unquote.  I said, “I’m going to live my dream, whatever that is.”  Gotta be some Poet/Free Spirit to say that because it was a plan without a plan.  But how does one break free when one has not done it before?

And what’s the point of living if we aren’t free?  People have fought slavery and oppression almost since it’s inception.  Why then, can we not fight for spiritual liberation?

Bob Marley said to “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.”  I’ve seen that quote on t-shirts, psychedelic multi-colored looking posters, heard it sung, and so forth.  But what does that quote mean?  Why does it speak to us?

I think it coincides with the whole dream idea, because the dream is to be free.  I didn’t realize it, remember now, I didn’t have a plan for freedom, I had plans for relationships, jobs, and to make money but I had no plan for freedom so I didn’t realize that was my dream.

To be free from suffering because it came no matter what the others plans achieved or accomplished.  Every damn time.  And I’m not saying I don’t acknowledge pain, death, and so forth because…

Pain will happen, no doubt, that’s just a part of the deal, you know?  Lik you buy a car, you gotta put gas, you gotta do some things here and there.  So pain doesn’t matter much in the suffering equation because I can accept it.  I may not like it but I can accept same as I can accept fear, doubt, frustration. Very real feelings, unpleasant at best, but valuable teachers nonetheless.  Just like anger and melancholy can be just as monumental for growth as joy.

But I fought every feeling.  I didn’t want any of it.  I wanted the illusion of the dream as how it was pitched, which included job, relationship, money, etc.  Now I’m not saying any of those are bad, but in my opinion, those alone will not give us any lasting satisfaction for what we seek is freedom from the shackles that our minds are enraptured with since birth.

I’ve cried tears, many tears, the lines of which run deep, though no other see them and though I only feel them and the salt water that ran through my eyes have helped me to understand that my dream is about really freeing myself, knowing myself, letting myself be okay with being myself.

And I learn more and more about what that means to my unique path, multiple times throughout the day.  And it’s funny because it is liberating, it is challenging, it is enjoyable, it carries me, it fulfills me.  And therein lies the answer to what I sought…

The themes of living my dream began with shedding unnecessary baggage, showed me the value of balance, it lead me through the healing of the deepest wound/that separation from the Divine, gave me confidence, showed me that what I truly seek is clarity and fulfillment, because when I allow both, then I feel free.

I always wanted a shared experience with someone.  I had no idea that could be myself.  It makes sense though, no other can be like me or know me just as I cannot be anyone else nor can I truly know what goes on between the earlobes of another.  But in growing into and allowing myself to be who I am, I can accept another for though the details of the Path of another are different, the Journey itself, what it is truly about, is the same.

I write this today because a Mirror appeared unexpectedly and it disappeared without causing me much emotion.  If anything, it showed me that I am one step closer to my freedom, my spiritual emancipation.  Not in a rushed fashion but one less attachment to drive the hurricane between my own earlobes insane.  And today that gives me some clarity and it feels fulfilling. It closes a circle I no longer need in helping me to walk.

I honor you, I thank you.  I love you though you may not know it in this life.  I release you.

 

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