AUM Redux: On Taking a Walk

Sometimes in life, it’s time to take a walk.  In my case, walks are common.  One of my favorite things to do is walk through a new place, to take it in, to see, experience what’s going on and such.

I really like to walk near the water, oceans, rivers, whatever.  I like the Flow.

Yesterday (As of this edit, a few days ago) I took the next step on Journey.  I quit my job, immediately.  It was a hard decision.  I enjoyed my co-workers greatly, I didn’t mind too much what I did, but the way the system was run wasn’t too much my deal.  But you know, it gave me alot, gave me exactly what I had been asking for.

Right around the time I decided that I was over the whole being in a bamboo box as a Psychic experience, I wrote on a Post-it late last year that I wanted a part-time job with great people, people with amazing Hearts.  Like literally I wrote that and boom, bam, I got offered a job with such people.

It was full-time, it was different but kind of unique, a boutique Resort in Hawaii, in a location along the water with an amazing view.

At the time it felt right, it seemed like I’d found a good situation to be in.  Funny thing about what you ask for is that it always comes true.  I was hired to work for days, for one position, and that quickly changed. When I asked about it, I was offered part-time employment.  Out of fear, I stayed, I mean, I needed a job, you know?  Or so I thought.

That’s funny how lessons repeat, I’ve learned before that I need not stay in something because I was afraid, but so quickly I forgot.  So I powered my car with Fear’s Ethanol.  Something else came up, I was offered part-time again.  LOL, I guess I did ask for it, huh?

I love the people I worked with.  In each of them, I saw such amazing strengths and found so many reasons to smile, recaptured a joy for working that had escaped me for some time.  I loved helping people my whole life but I didn’t find much joy working as a Psychic, you know?  It’s like someone who is a great artist but who doesn’t love it.

But this, I actually enjoyed it.  Now the only ‘work’ I enjoy fully is writing but that sh** ain’t paying the bills (yet but by the time you read this they will).  So this other stuff, it’s something to do and to enjoy, learn, grow, and I’m truly grateful.  It’s like all of it, all of these experiences are really teaching me so that I can express what I’ve been dying to express since small kid time, but lacked the experience to put it into words.

This experience reminded about a part in me that awoke in college, the Inner Advocate.  I worked in Residence Life and always tried to find a way to make it better for my fellow-staff, for the people we served.  I battled some administrators from time to time but I never knew what to do or how.  Had not learned to “speak” or demonstrate.

I had forgotten my Inner Advocate, left him back in Kaneohe at HPU, because the whole Res. Life deal seemed like a failed experience because I hadn’t achieved what I set out to do while I was there.  You know what though, the things I fought for did come to fruition, years later, and I played a role in that, my actions, set off other energetic waves that made things better. So even though I didn’t see it, I hadn’t failed, I was merely playing my role as best as I could.

In a funny twist, I would meet the Inner Advocate again while working back in Kaneohe.  It really is true that everything repeats.  The circle of Life completes itself, we need only stay awake while the movie plays to get closure, to watch it unfold.

So many years ago, when I left HPU, when I said good-bye to that part of me that was really big on social change, I said, “I would live my dream, whatever that was.”

As I reflect on those words, as elements of yesterday make more sense today because pieces that were left out of the picture are now in place, now clear, I see that I merely wanted to live, live in a way that made sense, that resonated deep within me. I wished to do this so that I could find fulfillment, so that I could share it with others, and because I believe that the world could be healthier for the children I’d like to have/meet someday and for my Brothers and Sisters around the world.

In leaving my job, I resigned immediately.  I had gotten another check without OT hours though I was entitled to it and well, that was it.  It was actually it before that but that was it, you know?

A speech communication class taught me in college that sometimes to resolves disputes, you step on the ant, then you spray the poison, and in the end, if you have to, you put dynamite on the ant hill.  The point was not to say “Yay” to violence, no the intent was that sometimes, you have to pull out the “Boom Kanani” as my former co-workers would say, to get the attention of ants.

It was hard for me to take this step.  I could find a million reasons as to why I could stay.  The only reason that mattered was one and it had to do with valuing others.

I have learned the long, hard way to value myself.  It’s taken all of these 31 (and counting) years, to see that.  To realize that I mean something, that I have worth.  It’s been a challenge to say the least.

I always cared about others, fought for others, put the best interest of others ahead of my own in the past.  I do not regret that.  Not one bit.  But I never thought in a million years, that being who I am, allowing my Soul to breathe and express, to honor the Intuition because it is right, that I would be able to share with others, enhance the life of others, showing how valuable we are, by taking a step into the unknown and taking a stand.

I just quit my job for a variety of reasons, and in essence because I had stepped on the ant, I sprayed the poison, and both times it threatened to cut my hours.  So I cut my own hours by blowing up the ant hill.

It shouldn’t have to get to that.  And that’s what I see time and time again in life.  It takes the extreme, before we as people learn.  That saddens me because man, we are awesome Creations that Spirit breathes through, we don’t really have to get to the extreme.  There is another way…

I just quit my job.  I’ll find another.  It’s no big deal.  In the grand scheme of things, this is small but I did it not because I was unhappy, not because I hated the management, but because their was mistreatment of me was intolerable and if I was going to leave, I was going to demonstrate in a way that would be heard so that it stops happening to other Human+Beings because whether they acknowledged to know or not, there was bullying, and unethical activity.  So I brought it to their attention in a big way.  And I can hope that creates waves of change in some way, even if I don’t see it Now.

Immediate notice, citing documented violations of law, about OT hours (followed up with informing of other activity that should be addressed, new or not, law holds people accountable, businesses are expected as well).  I like money, it’s cool, I would like more of it, but that was the inconsequential part to me.  The big thing was that the working conditions improve for those people with the great Hearts.  That’s what it was about.  So in taking the step because Intuition told me, valuing that part of me, I ended up taking care of others, even if it was in a small way.

I got texts, calls, emails telling me that what I did was right, took courage, it was inspirational because I stood up in a way that would be heard.

It’s still playing out, but based on what I saw, what I heard, things are going to get better for people yet to come.  And I think that’s what life is about.  We might not experience the best ourselves but that doesn’t mean we can’t act or respond against oppression.  If anything the idea others will have something better is reason enough, and you never know, a simple spark lights a fire, ya know?

People in power wield fear and power control tactics because it’s all they know.  Maybe they have good Hearts.  I think one of my former employers had good Hearts, I believe they were doing the best they could, but sometimes, best or not, it doesn’t mean it’s healthy or loving for others.  In this case, there were legal issues, so on and so forth, but eh, it is what it is.

I’m too old to hang out in the culture of fear and to play power control.  Life is too fast.

I wish you all the best.  And don’t hesitate to speak up, to take a stand, in my case, to take a walk.  Because sometimes, that’s the only way One can be heard.

 

AUM Redux: Life is a gift, so enjoy it!

Today, I awoke to a text from my Mom asking me if I was okay.  Some random person was soliciting money from my Grandma and claiming to be ole JMAW.  The weird thing is my Mom asked me if I was sick because I am getting over something so my voice is froggy to say the least and she asked about that too so it threw me off.

I got up and decided to do my laundry.  I didn’t really want to, would have rather slept more but I was up, no more sleeping and even though I’m more of a night laundry kind of person, alas my dirty socks took precedence and I embarked to the laundromat.

Laundromats fascinate me.  You have people from all walks of life going to the same place to clean that which clothes them, their bedding, and so forth.  There’s got to be some deeper analogy there but I’ll leave that for you Reader to disect…

The last time I went to the Laundromat there was a drug deal going down.  The time before that a 6’5″ Transgender lady and her 5’6″ boyfriend/pimp were giving me the eye.  I don’t much recall the times before that other than when I go to do my laundry, it’s like I clock the growth I made since the last time.  And of course, I read books or watch people (as evidenced by the recollection of the drug deal and the people and so forth).

So there I was today, reading Ernest Holmes, Mr. Science of the Mind himself, really getting into, so much of it making sense, as it has been for some time now.  It’s like the realization comes, than the application and understanding follow.  I like that, I can dig that.  It’s like going in the water and trying to duck a wave for the first time.  You see this giant force coming at you, know if you don’t do something, you’ll get smashed, but don’t necessarily know how to not get smashed so you get smashed anyway.

So I’ve been vibing my homie, Holmes, because he’s all about how where our mind goes, it creates.  And it’s true.  The last few weeks have helped me to really see how I’m connected to all people and that my own Oneness is at play all around.  The last few years were the gift I needed in order to enjoy this, whatever this is.  And there’s some such to do about the moment with that but I’ll let the Okay-Ness sum that up mindfully ; )

So this gentlemen, his name was Baron rolled up, and I felt him looking at me.  I felt his energy coming towards mine so I looked up and he asked me what I was reading.  And he just needed to talk.  And man did Dude talk.  He told me the origin of the word “Fuck” (for unknown carnal knowledge) from back in the day Old English crime style.  He also shared his experience in the US military, how he loved it because he accepted that people were people.  And he shared his love for reading, how he read everything.

He talked and I listened and when I spoke, which was very few in this interaction, he took it in.  I used to get told that there was something about me and people were drawn to that.  I got that feeling with him.  He got that there was something about me and that’s why he kept talking and going.

And it began with him asking me the time.  He didn’t want to be late and thought his watch was off.  I don’t remember what I said other than wherever we are, we are, late, early, otherwise, and our experience of time is really just varying with consciousness.  Or I’d like to think that’s what I was getting at but anyway, he went on for about 45 minutes and I learned alot and I realized, yet again, I was there in the right place at the right time, I was protected and doing with walk with Spirit and all was well so not to fear.

And that was good because the person calling my Grandma from Haiti and using my name kind of bothered me.  But you know, it all works out.  I accept that.

Baron last words were: Life is a gift, enjoy it!  We shook hands and he left his laundry.  So I left him the book.  It served me and if I find it again, I do, if not, it was time for me to release the energy and allow new to come along.

Aloha nui my Friend and thank you.  I shall see you again when the time dictates it so.

AUM Redux: A Day to Live

“You want some Apple Pie?”  Marko asks.  Doubledown grabs the bottle of moonshine, home brewed in Hawaii, not Kentucky, but strong and a bit gasoline like.  Smooth and sweet, but feels like I’m drinking gas just the same.

I just got the Angel on my chest touched up.  Tattoo Adam adding some finer points to make it pop more.  “Take a look and let me know if you see a difference.  If you don’t, we just wasted all that time.” He laughs.

I stand up, I look, I hear a comment about the Tiger on my back, we all forget about the backpiece it seems, even me, and I look at the Angel kneeling on my chest.  I’m an X-Men reader, I admit it.  My Angel is Archangel and I relate to his struggle.  Apocalypse made him his Horseman of Death.  I’m no Horseman of the Apocalypse, but me and Death, we go way back homie.

I look at it, the slight red, the dark black contrast against my Light skin.  It’s awesome.  I’m amazed at how even the smallest of details can be game changers.

“Let’s get you in for that Tiger.  I’m itching to work on it.”  Adam tells me.

I had a dream this past week that the Tiger was all black.  I told him that earlier and he said, “You saw the next step, it’s going to be all Black and Grey.”

I look at the black and grey on my arm, my story of Death and Rebirth leading me back to the Light, to God, to Love.  I’m relaxed.  I sit back and a woman is next up.  She has two Sugar Skulls tattooed on her.  I’ve been drawn to them in the last few weeks, told my homie, Ape, that I wanted something similar to it last night, and I just found my Angel of Death sketch that Adam did so long ago and now rests on my right arm.  It’s time for Death in my life yet again…

“My former teacher told me I’d be assassinated.”  I told Ape last night.  “There’s this one person I met who gives me that kind of vibe and I was sharing that with her.  If that fool smokes me, I will come back and haunt him.  Here’s to that not happening.

Assassinate is such a strong word, isn’t it?  As I write, knowing this will be in a book someday, not knowing how it will be received other than a feeling, I trip at it.  I’m not that important.  Who’d want to kill me?

“Be careful this week.”  Sergio, my friend and a fellow conscious traveler tells me a few weeks ago.  He had a dream and saw my skeleton.  Knew it was my skeleton.

I had a dream once of someone asking me if I was ready to take off my mask.  I look in a bag and see all these faces in them.  The way to take off my mask was to cut it off. That was a little over a year ago.

Which brings me to a year ago.  A year ago today aka the point of this writing.  I learned of my friend Praise‘s death.  It shook me and inspired me and my attempts at doing it justice have fallen short to honor what she represented to so many.  My attempts at living fully missing the mark.  And I am not being hard on myself.  I’m just being honest.  It’s about the only thing I’m really good at these days.  My poetry is almost there, but that’s another clip.

That was the most painful experience to know that a life could end so quickly, no sense, no nothing, just that’s it.  No closure.  And to find out about it late as she had passed months before.  But she helped me find my Faith.  And for that I’m grateful.  Maybe that’s my closure.  Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to Sugar Skulls right now, because it’s been a year and it’s time to honor.

It’s time to rise up.  It’s time to Free Flow and shine yo’ Light and rah fraking rah.  My Heart still hurts.  I may be whole but you wanna know how I got these scars.  No you don’t.

Exactly.  It’s a day to live.  It’s a day to honor but it’s also a time to remember.  Suffering is not necessary.  It’s optional.  It’s about Love people.  That’s what Jesus meant.  Why he did, what he did.  Plain and simple.

“You’re ahead of your time.”  The old voice tells me.  “You and I can work together.” another old voice adds.  I’ve heard that tone before.

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He asked.  We all feel that from time to time.  And in those times, even is it more important to be reminded that no matter what, through the sunshine and the sh*t, today is always a day to live.

“Jager.”  Doubledown asks?  Sure, why not…

 

 

Embrace Your Inner Mystic: Psychic Redubbed

So I used to be a Psychic.  You may or may not know the story.  It’s in the annals of Adventures in Urban Mysticism or AUM: Vol 1, [coming to some form of publishing format soon or rather when it does].  When I left the scene, I had enough, it was cool, but it wasn’t me, it helped me know me, and grow further into me, but it wasn’t me.  It was like a stop, you know?

I prayed for a bigger Intuitive experience.  Be careful what you wish for because it really all is in the wording…  I took spiritual dagger from a Teacher, I got bum-rushed by Dark entities, a broken mirror walked back into my life showing me I could co-create literally anything, it all had to do with time really, enough energy, and well, yeah.

So I wrote.  I wrote, I wrote, and I wrote because it gave me peace.

I poured myself into The Tales of Mr. E. and realized how art imitated life so much in that story and my own life.  I realized the point of Red E. Now, “the Worlds Greatest Psychic” was that he was on a Journey to not only save the Dreams of Children of All Ages, but he was growing into the Mystic that he was.

And in the course of writing AUM Vol. 1, I learned so much, cleared tons of energy, walked into my Soul, and fell in Love with the whole of life.  So funny in that I reminded over a thousand of people that they once had dreams as children and the beauty in life could continue so long as we nourished the Inner Lil Homie [Inner Child].  Yet, a bigger Intuitive aspect to life I asked for and am in the process of receiving.  For what?  I’m not entirely clear on yet but I’m grateful for it because the mystical in life has made me recall it can be magical and that gives more meaning to the Inner Lil Homie.

Where I once avoided so much about life, I now relish in it.  Some of my favorites, melancholy, anger, joy, all being like different songs that life played in the energy of feeling.

AUM is funny because it’s short for Adventures in Urban Mysticism and that began as something witty and funny.  But now, it’s become a reality, something that I’ve taken from fun and been blessed to learn how to apply. My life is not perfect, but like a Sculptor sees the masterpiece in the marble, I’m still working at it.

Point being, I was sharing the tricks of the trade in the Embrace Your Inner Psychic.  The stuff that helped me as a Psychic was like a foundation but I couldn’t get down with being a Psychic.  I would tell everyone I met who had a question if I was really Psychic, that I’m Intuitive.  And I am.  All of us Human+Beings are and we each have different gifts.  That’s the cool part of it.

But anyway, yeah, that’s the name change right there and the reasoning in the event there was some confusion or questions from previous threads. Or I’m just giving my Crazy Gemini arse something to expand on.

There you go.  Embrace Your Inner Mystic, High-five your Inner Lil Homie and…

Aloha Harder.

I’m out.

AUM Redux: (No Title Necessary)

Awhile back I wrote a poem that went:

Free flow fluidity

Fluid flowing

Freely

And that was it.  But something about it spoke to me, made me feel like the free flow element of things was important, it was special.

Last year, I wrote something further about Free Flow inspired by the thought: “imagine if the world was filled with people doing what they loved…”

It was a Stream of Consciousness unfolding that wrote itself.  Like many other creative Souls have expressed, my best work writes itself.  At times, I’ve fought the Flow, fought that natural expression.  On other occasions, I rode the waves of what people wanted to be their own Flow, rode their wave because I had the energy to and they were too afraid.  Both occurrences have taught alot but have ultimately lacked fulfillment.  And that’s what I seek, to be holistically fulfilled.

I’ve worked on myself for years, self-mastery not just an idea but a practice.  Self-actualization not a hypothesis but something I have strived to make a theory.  And here I sit today.  In a coffee shop, where so many other times, I have pondered these very things and I go back to the fight, the struggle.  I reflect on it.

I recall how I got so close to feeling and seeing that I wasn’t taking this Journey.  The Journey was taking me.  But I forgot that and here I sit recalling it.  Lessons repeat until we get them.

I suppose rather than think so damn much about it, like my best writing that just writes itself, I’ll let life live itself through me.  Isn’t that freedom?  Isn’t that natural and if it’s natural, it’s true, and if it’s true, it’s authentic, and if it’s authentic, it’s genuine, and if it’s genuine, it’s real.  And if it’s real, that’s pretty much fulfilling to me.

(No Title Necessary) = Free Flow to Fulfillment

 

Bullets: The Raw Shot

I burn / Damn, hot! / I’m on fire. /

Burning since back in the Ether /

Sometimes hard, so hard, it is to be the Speaker. /

I take it, I accept it, sometimes I don’t like it. /

But I chose It. / And Damn I’m on fire here. / Alone I’m burning! /

Yearning! / Seasons f*cking turning! /

Do you hear me? / I know You do but Damn and uh… /

“F@ck” quite don’t do justice to how I feel. /

This shit is hot, it burns so-hot-it-done got /

And “F*ck!”/

Is All I can even say and right now / It’s the only word I feel so Real. /

And one so Raw. / Yes Raw enough to sum up, how I feel. /

And that’s what’s Real. /

Because it’s Honest. / Oh yes, the Truth, I won’t digress and… /

Hold-up! Put it down! / Damn, it’s hot but for now /

Shhhhh!!! /

You’ve said enough.