AUM Redux: A Day to Live

“You want some Apple Pie?”  Marko asks.  Doubledown grabs the bottle of moonshine, home brewed in Hawaii, not Kentucky, but strong and a bit gasoline like.  Smooth and sweet, but feels like I’m drinking gas just the same.

I just got the Angel on my chest touched up.  Tattoo Adam adding some finer points to make it pop more.  “Take a look and let me know if you see a difference.  If you don’t, we just wasted all that time.” He laughs.

I stand up, I look, I hear a comment about the Tiger on my back, we all forget about the backpiece it seems, even me, and I look at the Angel kneeling on my chest.  I’m an X-Men reader, I admit it.  My Angel is Archangel and I relate to his struggle.  Apocalypse made him his Horseman of Death.  I’m no Horseman of the Apocalypse, but me and Death, we go way back homie.

I look at it, the slight red, the dark black contrast against my Light skin.  It’s awesome.  I’m amazed at how even the smallest of details can be game changers.

“Let’s get you in for that Tiger.  I’m itching to work on it.”  Adam tells me.

I had a dream this past week that the Tiger was all black.  I told him that earlier and he said, “You saw the next step, it’s going to be all Black and Grey.”

I look at the black and grey on my arm, my story of Death and Rebirth leading me back to the Light, to God, to Love.  I’m relaxed.  I sit back and a woman is next up.  She has two Sugar Skulls tattooed on her.  I’ve been drawn to them in the last few weeks, told my homie, Ape, that I wanted something similar to it last night, and I just found my Angel of Death sketch that Adam did so long ago and now rests on my right arm.  It’s time for Death in my life yet again…

“My former teacher told me I’d be assassinated.”  I told Ape last night.  “There’s this one person I met who gives me that kind of vibe and I was sharing that with her.  If that fool smokes me, I will come back and haunt him.  Here’s to that not happening.

Assassinate is such a strong word, isn’t it?  As I write, knowing this will be in a book someday, not knowing how it will be received other than a feeling, I trip at it.  I’m not that important.  Who’d want to kill me?

“Be careful this week.”  Sergio, my friend and a fellow conscious traveler tells me a few weeks ago.  He had a dream and saw my skeleton.  Knew it was my skeleton.

I had a dream once of someone asking me if I was ready to take off my mask.  I look in a bag and see all these faces in them.  The way to take off my mask was to cut it off. That was a little over a year ago.

Which brings me to a year ago.  A year ago today aka the point of this writing.  I learned of my friend Praise‘s death.  It shook me and inspired me and my attempts at doing it justice have fallen short to honor what she represented to so many.  My attempts at living fully missing the mark.  And I am not being hard on myself.  I’m just being honest.  It’s about the only thing I’m really good at these days.  My poetry is almost there, but that’s another clip.

That was the most painful experience to know that a life could end so quickly, no sense, no nothing, just that’s it.  No closure.  And to find out about it late as she had passed months before.  But she helped me find my Faith.  And for that I’m grateful.  Maybe that’s my closure.  Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to Sugar Skulls right now, because it’s been a year and it’s time to honor.

It’s time to rise up.  It’s time to Free Flow and shine yo’ Light and rah fraking rah.  My Heart still hurts.  I may be whole but you wanna know how I got these scars.  No you don’t.

Exactly.  It’s a day to live.  It’s a day to honor but it’s also a time to remember.  Suffering is not necessary.  It’s optional.  It’s about Love people.  That’s what Jesus meant.  Why he did, what he did.  Plain and simple.

“You’re ahead of your time.”  The old voice tells me.  “You and I can work together.” another old voice adds.  I’ve heard that tone before.

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He asked.  We all feel that from time to time.  And in those times, even is it more important to be reminded that no matter what, through the sunshine and the sh*t, today is always a day to live.

“Jager.”  Doubledown asks?  Sure, why not…



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