AUM Redux: On Taking a Walk

Sometimes in life, it’s time to take a walk.  In my case, walks are common.  One of my favorite things to do is walk through a new place, to take it in, to see, experience what’s going on and such.

I really like to walk near the water, oceans, rivers, whatever.  I like the Flow.

Yesterday (As of this edit, a few days ago) I took the next step on Journey.  I quit my job, immediately.  It was a hard decision.  I enjoyed my co-workers greatly, I didn’t mind too much what I did, but the way the system was run wasn’t too much my deal.  But you know, it gave me alot, gave me exactly what I had been asking for.

Right around the time I decided that I was over the whole being in a bamboo box as a Psychic experience, I wrote on a Post-it late last year that I wanted a part-time job with great people, people with amazing Hearts.  Like literally I wrote that and boom, bam, I got offered a job with such people.

It was full-time, it was different but kind of unique, a boutique Resort in Hawaii, in a location along the water with an amazing view.

At the time it felt right, it seemed like I’d found a good situation to be in.  Funny thing about what you ask for is that it always comes true.  I was hired to work for days, for one position, and that quickly changed. When I asked about it, I was offered part-time employment.  Out of fear, I stayed, I mean, I needed a job, you know?  Or so I thought.

That’s funny how lessons repeat, I’ve learned before that I need not stay in something because I was afraid, but so quickly I forgot.  So I powered my car with Fear’s Ethanol.  Something else came up, I was offered part-time again.  LOL, I guess I did ask for it, huh?

I love the people I worked with.  In each of them, I saw such amazing strengths and found so many reasons to smile, recaptured a joy for working that had escaped me for some time.  I loved helping people my whole life but I didn’t find much joy working as a Psychic, you know?  It’s like someone who is a great artist but who doesn’t love it.

But this, I actually enjoyed it.  Now the only ‘work’ I enjoy fully is writing but that sh** ain’t paying the bills (yet but by the time you read this they will).  So this other stuff, it’s something to do and to enjoy, learn, grow, and I’m truly grateful.  It’s like all of it, all of these experiences are really teaching me so that I can express what I’ve been dying to express since small kid time, but lacked the experience to put it into words.

This experience reminded about a part in me that awoke in college, the Inner Advocate.  I worked in Residence Life and always tried to find a way to make it better for my fellow-staff, for the people we served.  I battled some administrators from time to time but I never knew what to do or how.  Had not learned to “speak” or demonstrate.

I had forgotten my Inner Advocate, left him back in Kaneohe at HPU, because the whole Res. Life deal seemed like a failed experience because I hadn’t achieved what I set out to do while I was there.  You know what though, the things I fought for did come to fruition, years later, and I played a role in that, my actions, set off other energetic waves that made things better. So even though I didn’t see it, I hadn’t failed, I was merely playing my role as best as I could.

In a funny twist, I would meet the Inner Advocate again while working back in Kaneohe.  It really is true that everything repeats.  The circle of Life completes itself, we need only stay awake while the movie plays to get closure, to watch it unfold.

So many years ago, when I left HPU, when I said good-bye to that part of me that was really big on social change, I said, “I would live my dream, whatever that was.”

As I reflect on those words, as elements of yesterday make more sense today because pieces that were left out of the picture are now in place, now clear, I see that I merely wanted to live, live in a way that made sense, that resonated deep within me. I wished to do this so that I could find fulfillment, so that I could share it with others, and because I believe that the world could be healthier for the children I’d like to have/meet someday and for my Brothers and Sisters around the world.

In leaving my job, I resigned immediately.  I had gotten another check without OT hours though I was entitled to it and well, that was it.  It was actually it before that but that was it, you know?

A speech communication class taught me in college that sometimes to resolves disputes, you step on the ant, then you spray the poison, and in the end, if you have to, you put dynamite on the ant hill.  The point was not to say “Yay” to violence, no the intent was that sometimes, you have to pull out the “Boom Kanani” as my former co-workers would say, to get the attention of ants.

It was hard for me to take this step.  I could find a million reasons as to why I could stay.  The only reason that mattered was one and it had to do with valuing others.

I have learned the long, hard way to value myself.  It’s taken all of these 31 (and counting) years, to see that.  To realize that I mean something, that I have worth.  It’s been a challenge to say the least.

I always cared about others, fought for others, put the best interest of others ahead of my own in the past.  I do not regret that.  Not one bit.  But I never thought in a million years, that being who I am, allowing my Soul to breathe and express, to honor the Intuition because it is right, that I would be able to share with others, enhance the life of others, showing how valuable we are, by taking a step into the unknown and taking a stand.

I just quit my job for a variety of reasons, and in essence because I had stepped on the ant, I sprayed the poison, and both times it threatened to cut my hours.  So I cut my own hours by blowing up the ant hill.

It shouldn’t have to get to that.  And that’s what I see time and time again in life.  It takes the extreme, before we as people learn.  That saddens me because man, we are awesome Creations that Spirit breathes through, we don’t really have to get to the extreme.  There is another way…

I just quit my job.  I’ll find another.  It’s no big deal.  In the grand scheme of things, this is small but I did it not because I was unhappy, not because I hated the management, but because their was mistreatment of me was intolerable and if I was going to leave, I was going to demonstrate in a way that would be heard so that it stops happening to other Human+Beings because whether they acknowledged to know or not, there was bullying, and unethical activity.  So I brought it to their attention in a big way.  And I can hope that creates waves of change in some way, even if I don’t see it Now.

Immediate notice, citing documented violations of law, about OT hours (followed up with informing of other activity that should be addressed, new or not, law holds people accountable, businesses are expected as well).  I like money, it’s cool, I would like more of it, but that was the inconsequential part to me.  The big thing was that the working conditions improve for those people with the great Hearts.  That’s what it was about.  So in taking the step because Intuition told me, valuing that part of me, I ended up taking care of others, even if it was in a small way.

I got texts, calls, emails telling me that what I did was right, took courage, it was inspirational because I stood up in a way that would be heard.

It’s still playing out, but based on what I saw, what I heard, things are going to get better for people yet to come.  And I think that’s what life is about.  We might not experience the best ourselves but that doesn’t mean we can’t act or respond against oppression.  If anything the idea others will have something better is reason enough, and you never know, a simple spark lights a fire, ya know?

People in power wield fear and power control tactics because it’s all they know.  Maybe they have good Hearts.  I think one of my former employers had good Hearts, I believe they were doing the best they could, but sometimes, best or not, it doesn’t mean it’s healthy or loving for others.  In this case, there were legal issues, so on and so forth, but eh, it is what it is.

I’m too old to hang out in the culture of fear and to play power control.  Life is too fast.

I wish you all the best.  And don’t hesitate to speak up, to take a stand, in my case, to take a walk.  Because sometimes, that’s the only way One can be heard.


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