AUM Vol. 3: On Finding God Again and Again

I am beginning to see a pattern here…

But first, I had to take my car to the shop for the fourth time in a little over a month’s time.

I inherited this car.  It has some sentimental value but if I can release a ring and other nostalgic items that represented a Great Love I experienced, I can let go of a car.  How am I going to pay for this, the new book, and other things piling up and the windfall going buhbye, well, I am not going to let Jason get involved.  I am pretty much saying, okay God, I realize you can do anything, I am trusting you here.

But there is a thin line between Fate and Trust.  I have been reacquainting myself with Osho recently and read an interesting discussion on Fate and Trust.  What I took away from it was that those who believe in Fate are unable to accept failure whereas those who believe in Trust have an expanded consciousness, an awareness that allows them to not only accept failure but to believe that what they are creating in Life shall go forward and create new vistas, grander experiences.

I have failed many times.  I have to trust those mistakes have Purpose even if it doesn’t always make sense right then and there.  When we watch a movie, we don’t get the whole story until the end.  Perhaps, that is why Life is so intricate for so many…

So when Charles told me about the car possibly being on its last legs I could only laugh.  I laughed because this car and I have been through alot in a just over a year.  We went to Court together, we went to Paradise Not Hotel daily for awhile, and we even left my spiritual teacher, all because of this car, this little teacher that could, and who once belonged to my Grandmother who told me why she did all the good deeds that she did in Life: For the Greater Glory of God.

Now it is not dead and gone, just yet it has some juice but it is time for me to look at other options.  Naturally, I am kicking myself for investing so much money in Writing but hey, Live in the Moment, I have been and I believe in this Spiritual Writing direction because it was In-Spired by Dreams, Messengers, and the Heart.  But I am Human to go with my + Being, hence the naturally I am kicking myself a bit and that is okay to because it is a part of my experience.

Osho also reminded me that Worry was just a part of Life.  There is no point in Worrying about Worry because that just takes away from what is actually there and adds to the situation.  Oh, Osho, the Sex Guru and the Rolls-Royce Guru, how I have missed you…

When we live outside of the moment there is suffering because it often replays what we have done (good or bad) in a negative light.  But how could I have known this would happen?  True, I did work as a Professional Psychic and I had a sense the car and I would not make it too far into the Summer together, but I didn’t know what that meant.  I only had a feeling from my Intuition.  I still don’t entirely know what it means.  It could mean I get a new car, it could mean that I move, it could mean that I die..

Who really knows?

I do know recall from experience that if I focus too much on the next, as I did through so much of my existence previously, that will just create more suffering as well as keep me from enjoying what could be the last memories I have with this automobile or here in Hawaii or on this Earth. Who knows?

I told Charles the reason for my laughter was that I was Spiritual and I had a feeling about the car earlier in the year and this confirmed it.  We got to talking about spirituality and I thought of Osho’s Fate and Trust.  Charles was curious about what I meant by Spiritual and in talking about it we found that we had very open similar views and backgrounds.  He also gave me a confirmation about the Intuitive Aspect of It All.  And I hope I was able to give him confirmation because for better or worse, Fate or Trust, I believe all of these car issues took me there, to that location so that Charles and I could talk a little bit about God.

The Journey up the Lord’s Mountain is one undertaken Alone for we each have a Path along it.  BUT, a very capital BUT, it is when we stop and connect, look around and share that we realize that though the Path is one filled with Alone-Ness, we are Called to Love, all Seeking the Same, to go Home.

It is reminders like this, that teaches me the value in what began as a fund idea, Ole Urban Mysticism.  Experiences like this reminds me that my Path is not one of renunciation and that my Life has Purpose so long as I am Present to It.

Thx be to God and Mahalo nui Charles for your help with my car and in sharing your own Story.

Ahui hou.


AUM 3: The Beat Goes Boom

And the beat goes Boom!

Frak, it’s been quite a month. I quit my job because it was time and the gut was turning so I knew I had to.  Add all the signs and the hard slap the Universe gave me and fo’sho it was time to fly!

Over the course of last year, I wrote three books, and this last month after that all took place, I used to the time to edit Numero Tres, because it was the vehicle I was looking for to package this expression that has been bursting from the seams since I was but a child.

It has been a ride.  Boom! is an understatement.  I have felt every feeling simultaneously and identified a few areas that need work, which stokes me out because it means I am still growing and growth is pretty awesome.

Of note I want to touch on the idea of Being Cold.  Not like, “Brr it’s cold in here, there must be some Spartans in the atmosphere” but the feeling of cold, detached.  I noticed it last year while I did Intuitive Work with people and some of the heavier issues came up.  Something would happen in that space where I felt like within a part of me was turning off, was dissolving as I held the space for the person.  I will be honest, because if you are a new AUM’ster or Old Schooler, you know I value authenticity, point being, I have know idea how to feel about the Cold because it is in the Cold that there is No-Thing.

In my Journey, I have found that balance is recognition of one foot in the Light, the other in the Dark, and both sides make up the full range of consciousness that we experience.

That is neither good nor bad, it just is.

While Love feels better, Fear is just as valuable and in my Meditation on Choosing Love with each step in my Life, I have realized that Fearless means ‘to be without fear, courage’ and that quite simply means to just be with Fear, for that allows courage.  And we are never without Fear so fighting it is futile.

As I move through all of this, grow, learn, renew, Die a little more, and Birth all over again through the many seasons of this Life Journey, I find the Cold to be neither comforting or scary.  It is like a void.  When I go into it, I lose something. It is not being numb.  I was numb for a very long time in my Life and it has nothing to do with that.  I still feel, it’s just like I am detached.  The detachment helps in the intense one-on-ones but each time I go there, something different returns, something a little Lighter, a littler Darker, a little less…

I still feel Pain, Hurt, as well as the other side Joy, Happiness but in the Cold, I know Freedom.  It is a Freedom from the body.  I cannot prove it but I argue that in the Cold we are Free from Ego, from having an agenda or a goal.  Being in that place while doing any type of Healing Work is interesting to say the least because then I can totally facilitate the message, unbiased for the recipient.

In terms of the Jason as a unique expression of Spirit, it trips me out.  I cannot say it is bad.  If there is something I aspire to, more than money, prestige, relationship, and I would love to be wealthy and travel the world as well as have a family, but if there’s one thing that is greater than any of that, it is self-realization.  It’s quite the illuminating idea that pulls a bit at the outskirts of my Being…

I’m going to leave you with Dot Dot Dot while I peel away more layers of the onion.  Thanks for this Life and this process.  Who knows what is to come, I am beginning to enjoy the Unknown though.  It afterall, has been the only constant through it All right there with my BFF, Sweet Death, whose embrace awaits me at the ends of this trek where Flesh, Blood, and Bones with Spirit In Between dances along.

Mahalo ke Akua (God is Love).


AUM Vol. 3: Strange Music

“Straaaaaaaange Music!” ~ Krizz Kaliko

Man, I have been in a crazy Flow the last couple weeks.  So much has happened that I don’t know where to start.  I have about five entries that I poured into only to get derailed and off on the Adventure of Life again.

I’ve been putting the polish on AUM and it’s been a task.  I hit a breaking point last week after I put the money down to publish.  I questioned.  I was worried.  It was an amazing mess until I took a breath, relaxed and reminded myself that this is where I am, and there is a reason I’m doing this, even if I cannot see it.

Long ago, I felt I had a message, trouble was, I didn’t know how to explain it.  Someone would ask me in the midst of my breakdown:

“Is there a story?”

So I went back and pulled out A Call to Love.  I was floored!  As I re-read A Call to Love, I saw a complete story and realized that it was Part 1 to the Part 2 that is AUM Vol. 1.  And the best part, the message was there in each.  There were even elements of it that mirrored, granted it draws on my experience but what I mean is that I could see how both were communicating the message, the same message via two different vehicles.

I took another breath, had a laugh, and got to work.  And it’s been exhausting, I was even visited by a Dark Being once more.  Only this time, I walked away with a different conscious experience that I hope to address as we continue with this Adventure.

At any rate, we’re closer than ever and exactly where we need to be… Always!

AUM Vol. 3: As Facebook’s IPO Nears…

With Facebook going public, the social media giant is about to extend its already vast reach.  And with that, I have to wonder about it…

Some of my work involves Social Media Management (SMM) and Search Engine Optimization (SEO).  I know, how Mystical and Magical is that, right?  But I do SMM for an award-winning Honolulu Restaurant, Hank’s Haute Dogs, and SEO/SMM for an award-winning Hawaii Tattoo shop, 434 Tattoo, and well it’s something to do.  And for someone who has talked often about the Inner Community of Characters, I must give my Inner Geek his due.

Needless to say, I use Social Media pretty regularly.  If you love my writing, you can thank MySpace for planting the seed of writing online as a good thing.  And if you don’t, shake your fist at the Founder of MySpace, Tom Anderson.  Dude, I don’t even have a MySpace account anymore anyway so I’m going to shake a fist at Tom for you.

I have been a member of Twitter before it was the rage and in a boneheaded move went from @jmaw, forever losing that, because I was feeling crazy so it became @jmawLOCO (aka Los Ocho Cero Ocho, don’t ask), and well, now it’s the best of both worlds, @jmaw808.

Having to update social media regularly for work makes me not do it so much as I used to.  And I tend to skim it these days.  I did this yesterday and it wasn’t until a number of notifications later did I realize that I was tagged in a post informing me of the death of one of my classmates, Calsey Santos. With the amount of media coverage of Jr. Seau’s passing today, it was pretty obvious something was up, even with all the fake Twitter demises reported in the past.

I don’t know Jr. Seau, had collectible cards of his from back in the day, and heard he did alot of good things for his community.  I’d like to say good looking out to him and hopes he finds the peace post-life that he might not have hard in life.

Not to give Jr. his due but ‘m going to talk about Calsey because of the Death of people who I have known, had the opportunity to speak with and hang out with, really impacts me.  Each time in a different way…

Now if anyone danced to his own beat early and was a pretty Free Spirit, it was Calsey.  We weren’t the closest of friends in High School but we were cool, had no ill will between each other, and I had more interaction with him than alot of other people in that school.  I went to a very small Catholic School in Hilo, Hawaii, St. Joseph School.  Our School Ohana was very tight-knit and each loss strikes deeply.  I can think of 5 people from St. Joe’s that were either my age or a few years older or younger who have moved on to the next step in their Journey while I was in and since High School (which isn’t a very long period of time).

Whether you know someone or were a fan of someone who passed, I think what Social Media, as a connecting force in communication, can give us are good reminders about how short life is.  How often do we get caught up in bullshit that really isn’t an issue of life or death??

It’s times like this that make me feel it even more important to celebrate life because you really don’t know.  One minute you’re here, the next you’re gone.

And on the other hand, here’s my full-disclosure, a part of me thought him lucky.  I don’t mean that as a form of disrespect to the loved ones he leaves behind, I’m merely being honest and sharing that I find people who go on to the next phase lucky because I believe it means their work here on Earth is done.  Because of that, they get to go Home to the Spirit, that Aloha ke Akua (God is Love) place we all came from and is the connecting thread of it All.

As one of the SJS Ohana put it on Facebook: He went to sleep on Earth and awoke in Heaven. This loss is tragic but I think it possible to honor his memory and is also cause to celebrate because his Soul went Home, maybe a little sooner than we may have wanted or wish, but he went on to his next step in the Journey.  For those who he left behind, in particular, a young son, I hope you know that even though you cannot see him, you’ve got one more powerful Spirit cheering for you Always, in a place, and from a place that allows him to be there for you Always.

To the Santos Family, to Calsey’s friends and family, I am sorry for your loss and I also wish to thank you for sharing your Free Spirit of a Son, Brother, Father, Uncle, Friend, and Human+Being with the rest of us.

Shoots, Calsey.


Bullets: Just a Blur

Sometimes /

You see something so quickly /

Not enough to take it all in /

At the time it seems to be /

Just a blur /

But something inside screams /

That it is so much more /

You cannot explain why /

You just feel it, you breathe it /

You Believe it /

& even though you haven’t captured it /

(Yet) /

It speaks to you /

Whispers your dreams /

Holds the key to overcoming your fears /

It might have been a smile /

Maybe it was a warm embrace /

Or perhaps, a passing glance /

But that glimpse into such a Sacred Mirror /

The feel of such a connection to /

“No Words for such Transcendental Beauty” /

You remember it /

Always /

Because there was something Real /

Genuine /

Authentic /

There was Truth about It /

Even if it was just blur…