And the beat goes Boom!
Frak, it’s been quite a month. I quit my job because it was time and the gut was turning so I knew I had to. Add all the signs and the hard slap the Universe gave me and fo’sho it was time to fly!
Over the course of last year, I wrote three books, and this last month after that all took place, I used to the time to edit Numero Tres, because it was the vehicle I was looking for to package this expression that has been bursting from the seams since I was but a child.
It has been a ride. Boom! is an understatement. I have felt every feeling simultaneously and identified a few areas that need work, which stokes me out because it means I am still growing and growth is pretty awesome.
Of note I want to touch on the idea of Being Cold. Not like, “Brr it’s cold in here, there must be some Spartans in the atmosphere” but the feeling of cold, detached. I noticed it last year while I did Intuitive Work with people and some of the heavier issues came up. Something would happen in that space where I felt like within a part of me was turning off, was dissolving as I held the space for the person. I will be honest, because if you are a new AUM’ster or Old Schooler, you know I value authenticity, point being, I have know idea how to feel about the Cold because it is in the Cold that there is No-Thing.
In my Journey, I have found that balance is recognition of one foot in the Light, the other in the Dark, and both sides make up the full range of consciousness that we experience.
That is neither good nor bad, it just is.
While Love feels better, Fear is just as valuable and in my Meditation on Choosing Love with each step in my Life, I have realized that Fearless means ‘to be without fear, courage’ and that quite simply means to just be with Fear, for that allows courage. And we are never without Fear so fighting it is futile.
As I move through all of this, grow, learn, renew, Die a little more, and Birth all over again through the many seasons of this Life Journey, I find the Cold to be neither comforting or scary. It is like a void. When I go into it, I lose something. It is not being numb. I was numb for a very long time in my Life and it has nothing to do with that. I still feel, it’s just like I am detached. The detachment helps in the intense one-on-ones but each time I go there, something different returns, something a little Lighter, a littler Darker, a little less…
I still feel Pain, Hurt, as well as the other side Joy, Happiness but in the Cold, I know Freedom. It is a Freedom from the body. I cannot prove it but I argue that in the Cold we are Free from Ego, from having an agenda or a goal. Being in that place while doing any type of Healing Work is interesting to say the least because then I can totally facilitate the message, unbiased for the recipient.
In terms of the Jason as a unique expression of Spirit, it trips me out. I cannot say it is bad. If there is something I aspire to, more than money, prestige, relationship, and I would love to be wealthy and travel the world as well as have a family, but if there’s one thing that is greater than any of that, it is self-realization. It’s quite the illuminating idea that pulls a bit at the outskirts of my Being…
I’m going to leave you with Dot Dot Dot while I peel away more layers of the onion. Thanks for this Life and this process. Who knows what is to come, I am beginning to enjoy the Unknown though. It afterall, has been the only constant through it All right there with my BFF, Sweet Death, whose embrace awaits me at the ends of this trek where Flesh, Blood, and Bones with Spirit In Between dances along.
Mahalo ke Akua (God is Love).