Are you Real?

I got asked this question so many times last year when the predominant amount of work that I did was Psychic related. Not that there isn’t a whole load of Psychic sh!t running through my Life but I don’t wear the title so much these days.

The further along this Journey that go, the more Real I find in unconventional ways.  Recently, I started to meet with whoever is interested weekly, and discuss spiritual ideas and questions.  Something about publishing a book pushed me into doing this, which honestly, I have tried to avoid because I don’t like to use the word teacher.  It is a label that I don’t think is necessary.  We are all teachers.  We are all students.  No one of us is any better than the next.

Am I qualified?  Now that’s a different question.  They don’t really give out degrees or licenses for being spiritual guides and in all honesty, I have seen shams that are licensed and accredited in multiple different fields so qualifications are somewhat inconsequential.

I think what it comes down to is truly Faith.  I have Faith that I am being moved in Spirit to work with people spiritually.  I believe that I have a message that comes from something that is not just ‘Jason’ or of man.  I cannot say why exactly that is but I have felt it since I was conscious of wanting to share it as a child.  If that is a qualification, then sure, I have been conscious of and working at this for over 30 years.

I had someone ask me recently to perform for him, to give him proof.  I didn’t.  I didn’t play that game because I have realized that in the past, I danced when asked to dance, not for others but because I needed to prove myself.  I have nothing to prove.  This is who I am, and this is what I’m doing, so I’m just going to be and allow and do.

Shoots.

Praise. Gratitude. Love.

My Teacher/Friend, Adya, is always telling me about her experience in training as a Monk, and one of the techniques she learned involved repeating:

Praise. Gratitude. Love.

When I first saw the statue of the Blessed Mother at St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City, my eyes immediately filled with tears because in that moment, those were the three words that I felt.

The Blessed Mother is symbolic of Hope for a great many around the world.  She has appeared in many different ways and fashions and it is a great honor to share this picture with you.  Though it is not the statue that drove me to tears, this one made me smile, so I wish to share that bit with you.

Enjoy.

AUM: Lift Off

Lyrics from Kanye West, Runaway
And I always find, yeah, I always find somethin’ wrong
You been puttin’ up wit’ my shit just way too long
I’m so gifted at findin’ what I don’t like the most
So I think it’s time for us to have a toast

The tapping of the keys pulls me in and I am amidst my melancholy, right as it is sitting there next to my Joy.  Then the rest of the instrumental comes along and I am reminded of how critical I can be.  How I am in fact, my own worst enemy.  Then Kanye comes along and sums it up:

And I always find, yeah, I always find somethin’ wrong…

Nothing, in my entire Life, has ever been good enough.  Not by anyone elses standards, but my own.  I remember the first time I failed to get an A in grade school, or the first spelling bee that I ever lost at an even younger age, I was rocked, my Inner Perfectionist appalled at the fact that I had, in fact failed. Failed to live up to my own standard coupled with how I failed to find success according to the standards outside of me.  I still struggle in both of those areas.  I grapple with it every day.

A friend tells me to #Believe.  I laugh.  My Jaded Spirit sees it, the enthusiasm at such an idea.  “I am Hitch.”  I reply.  Promoting a product that works and so many seek but at times, I do not always really vibe with and that is a hard pill to swallow.  As I mentioned in my first exploration into publication, I want to believe that Love is enough, that two people in Love can work and be, but on the real, not in this world, not in the way it is, for I have seen enough of it to know that our Collective Consciousness occupies a vast expanse that covers Light, Dark, and the Grey in-between.  I have seen, I have felt, I have known… Love.  That has taught me that Love has many colors and there is a reason that Inner Child gets slapped from time to time.  The Child does not know the fire is burning or forgets all to quickly how much it burns.  Is it that I have lost my ideals?

Am I losing my way?

Nah, it is just not being honest, not looking at the whole picture or acknowledging it has not gotten me very far, has in fact added to the amount that I have fallen down.  I see some people talk about how happy they are, just to hear themselves say it because in fact, I hear how the words hide the pain.  On the flip side, I see someone so consumed in hurt, does nothing to hide it, I feel as s/he fails to see the beauty, oftentimes right before her/his very eyes.  The World needs Love, especially the way it is, and I will never say that it does not nor advocate against it.

(And I want to show you how you all look like beautiful stars tonight)

Yeezy’s voice sings in the backdrop. I laugh, I must have told damn near a thousand people since I first said it in the middle of last year to this time now:

“Do you know why stars sparkle?  Because you do, it is your own reflection.”

I do not believe in True Love with someone else as it is often portrayed.  I believe in True Love with myself.  I found that, I do not always feel it but that is Life, it is not always being in control or on a peak, so I can accept it.  What I believe can exist with others is Transcendental Love, based on choice.  I believe that all we need is One, everything else is bonus, but that is how I am wired, a wiring that gets more apparent as the days go by and strip away who I thought I was and recognize what it is that I do and do not need.

“People make Love all sorts of emotional, get so caught up in it.”  Adya tells me.  I agree because I can be the same way.  Do I need that?  Did not that drive once motivate me?  It seems so foreign now, the neediness of that type of chase, it is replace by other drives, so while maybe I addressed that one area, others remain to be taken care of.

I shall not sigh.  I have a lot more time, I am only just getting started they say, so…

I shall just Love.  Real Love, whatever that means (to me).  My Journey is not perfect, but it is mine, so I will own it.

AUM: Off on the Adventure

I just got the proofs back for AUM Vol. 1 and Dude, it feels pretty cool.  All day, it’s been bouncing through my mind as I’ve thought back to my first attempts at writing, at how I never saw it possible for this to come to Life, and here it is, so close, and no longer so far.  It’s been a blink…

I submitted all my materials less than two weeks ago, talked to Design and Marketing in the weeks since, and it’s been a tornado.  It feels like for every punch Life has in other facets, this is making up for all of it, not only the beating going on right now, but my whole Life.  Do I feel satisfied?  Definitely.  I can say that for maybe the first time wholeheartedly.  Am I done?  Heck no!  But for right now, where this is at, I’m satisfied and I’m grateful because it is like I am watching my Dreams come to Life before me and there is something truly spectacular about that.”

“You took an idea Dear, and now, wow, there it is, I am so happy for you.”  Adya, my Teacher, my Friend, told me after shedding tears when I showed her the electronic copy.  When I called her and told her that I had a surprise for her, I never saw that response coming.  She’s been the one since day one who said, “You are a writer and the world is ready for you.” along with a host of other things.

Whether the world is ready for me or not, I’m ready for me and for the first time in my Life, I no longer feel like, “I don’t know what comes next.”  I feel like I am ready for what is next and I know that I want that to involve writing, spirituality, and sharing this message, my observations of and with the Universe.

A short year ago, I didn’t see this coming, I had hope but I never saw how.  Two years ago, I’d not yet returned from my Dream Chasing, honoring Dreams across the US.  It seems so far removed yet so fresh.  This feels like what I was born to do.  I can’t capture the enormous feeling I have of gratitude right now.  My words surely fall short.  To say that pursuing Dreams and listening to the Heart are what it is about does not do justice to what this feels like, what it means to me.  I’m not even a Bestseller.  I’m not even a millionaire.  I don’t even need to say yet because this is where I am and I am so f*cking stoked about it I want to scream.  I want to jump up and down.  Yet despite that feeling, I feel calm, I feel like I understand what poised means.  I’ve worked my whole Life to to get to this place.

“You always knew my Friend.”  Adya continued.  I did.  I can’t lie about that.  I always knew I had something to say and that it would be shared with the World.  A year from now, where will I sit, what words will pour out of me as I look back and see how far that went?  It already exceeds what I ever thought.

“If this takes off beyond your wildest of wildest dreams, what would that be?” my Marketing Consultant asked of me.  He also added that I pray and ask the Universe to guide me.  I couldn’t help but laugh because each step of this I get more confirmation.  What is so gratifying about this, is that the heavy lifting is done.  I have written multiple manuscripts, my first is about to be published.  I feel like I’m at the tipping point where it all starts to gel.  Telling the Universe I’d give up what I did way back when in order to share what’s in my Heart with the world seems worth it.  As much as that was enough, this is pretty cool Dude, it’s pretty neat…

I have told a few people about this and they get so excited and trip that I’m still so calm, maybe my excitement only translates in writing.  Maybe not but I feel super calm about this step, like this is what I was born for.  It is awesome to experience true Joy from other Human+Beings at something that I set out to do and accomplished.

AUM Vol. 1 is just the beginning.  That’s all I can say right now because I’m not at the end of Vol. 3, what I envision the coup de grâce of the AUM series.  Will I be holding a child at the end of that?  Where will I be?  Who knows?  God-willing this piece right here is a part of either Vol. 2 or 3. and that’s that.

Mahalo ke Akua.  Thx Be to G!  And all that good stuff.

AUM: Release

Frak! Frak! Frak!

Frak a popular term in the epic television show, Battlestar Galactica.  Now that I got the fraks out of my system.  Where to begin?  Ah, perhaps we shall begin where it ends…

I’m not much good at endings or beginnings.  I have begun many endeavors in this Life and not seen them through while also finishing and closing some circles that should never have been opened in the first place.  My Soul is alive, yet I sense my Ego wants to die.  I have often heard recently, that, after all, it is time to kill it, in regard to the Ego.

Now, it may be impossible to release the Ego, as I have not done it myself, but like Frak and sh!t in my generation and the language these days, kill is the word that feels most applicable, because it is time, at the very least, to put it on the bench.  I want to LOL and ask if that is a mercy killing?  The Ego is the only thing in this World and plane of existence that creates suffering and I’m tired of it.  I want to accept, enjoy, and allow my Self to be Free.  There are so many times that I live in Truth and can simultaneously observe my Ego’s fight or flight based response simultaneously.  I can feel the tug at me to engage and feel dismayed.  I cannot do this anymore though…

I want to be Loving because that is my Nature, that is what I believe.  I want to stop throwing the Inner Child under the bus every time that part of me feels compelled to give and Love freely because that is the True Nature of the Inner Child and that is part of what I believe we, as people are here to do.  I work at it constantly, it is my great work in Life, greater than any consults, Readings, manuscripts, anything that I have done, the work of Living and Loving Fully.  The vast emptiness, the pain, the suffering, it dwindles, it ceases but I am an addict, an addict to my own self-created misery.  As I watch my addiction wane, as I realize I no longer wish to take a drag of that spiritual carcinogen, sometimes I laugh.  I really want to shed a tear but my tears are empty.  My eyes have dried. And I don’t know why…

Maybe it’s not time to understand.  Maybe understanding will come later.  The only thing I do know that I keep praying and that investment in Faith helps me more and more each day.  That’s been the difference maker.  That’s helped with acceptance.  Enjoyment is coming from not giving up.  And Freedom, well, I guess that will be as it is, when it is.