Holiday THX List

I don’t know if I have any wishes that merit a piece written about them but I do have alot to be thankful for this Holiday season so I will jot those down.

New Love

New Love has entered my Life after a Wintery period of my Life.  It is nice to experience the butterflies of Spring in my experience and this is definitely one of the top of the world kind of feelings so it leads off my list.

Writing

Writing has finally evolved into something crazy and cool.  I have done it forever but to actually have published despite the challenges it took to do so, means something beyond words.  Super grateful for this.

Health

This is the healthiest and feeling best overall that I have been in my Life.  My body’s aches and pains are not excessive and I really like being in my skin.  That in and of itself is a valuable gift to me!

Hawaii

Always have, always will be grateful for this.  I feel a connection that words can not really sum up to this land that I was born in.  Years ago, being told the Spirit of the Hawaiian Islands had a calling for me scared and excited me both, but today, calling or not, I just love my Home.  Thx Hawaii.  In the vein of Ron Burgundy: Stay Classy!

Transformation

My Life has changed so much in the last few years.  I am so grateful for the transformation that has occurred and for the reminder at how resilient we can be as Human+Beings.  It certainly has not always been easy but this has definitely been a truly rewarding period in my Life.

Mahalo ke Akua and much thanks to all the people who have walked in and out of my Life.

What if?

What if we could change the World?  You know, make it all good and ‘tihs.’  Create a healthier future. Why is it that the idea seems probable for some and impossible for others?  Questions that cannot be answered simply, merely Lived in order to experience.

It’s not hard because it is easy.  As I look at my Life, as transformed as it is, as blessed as it is, at how much I believe in something Greater, a Higher Power in Love, here I am, just a man, and I struggle.  Oh, how I struggle.

#Believe

I have seen ‘hashtag believe’ and heard it over and over again in recent memory.  I want to, I’m trying, but I know how hard Faith is.  I don’t mean to be hypocritical, I just realize the duality is apparent, even if it is just an illusion.

I want to believe.  I was born to believe, if anything, if only in Love, than that is surely enough.  It is what I have wanted to believe to be so for so long.  But it is hard for me.  It is hard because I have been down similar roads, I tell myself, I have seen similar things.

But what if I saw similar things not because it was to read the writing on the wall but to prepare me for the road ahead because the road ahead would be weathered at times in just the same way?

I feel like in the exploration of my experience, my writing has not led me to any more answers.  The answers were always there and the simplest of these is that it is all Love.  Perhaps I just need to understand the questions I am asking?  Maybe these questions are here to help me in some way?

I’m struggling right now.  But even though I’m struggling, as great as the newfound happiness and fulfillment in my Life is, I am tripping, falling, pushing back up.  Sometimes I do not stand up quickly.  Othertimes I bounce right back.  But what if the point is to realize that as I go through all of that, there really are two sets of footprints with me?

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.


Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.


He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:
“LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me.”

The LORD replied:
“My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.”

For some reason, as odd as it may seem, as unlikely as it may be, honestly, God is the only answer that gives me peace.  My questions are not directed to the Most High, they are directed in a way that I may understand what it is that I am meant to see.  And right there, even now, all along, here You are God, right there with me.

When I walked the road in the past, when I look at such similarity, I didn’t look to you, Lord, I couldn’t let things be.  I couldn’t accept hurt, I couldn’t allow what was to be.  And now I can, because even though things may repeat, I truly know, that there You are, right within me.

I wish there was some way that I could share and explain this to others.  I wish these words could convey the relief that I feel in releasing them.  Because as I repeat things, not because of somebody but because it is all a part of what I was meant to receive in the Gift that is this Life, it helps me to remind, that the Journey is taking me Home every step and feeling the greatness of Love throughout my +Being, that I as a man struggle through despite my sincerity about all of this.

“Just Love, it is only Love, you know?” ~Adya

 

 

Reflect Yo

From time to time, in this +Being’s experience of Humanity, I feel strong disdain, angst, and so on. In recent conversations with a Teacher, we talked of this and she dubbed it the “Raggedy Times.” One of my favorite emotions is actually Melancholy, because from it follows Happiness and I create well/consistently during that time and transition.

I cannot say why we experience what we do and how we do. We just do. It?s not a cop out to say such a thing, it is a Natural, Ethereal Law that transcends the lack that our Minds are often clouded with.

 

From a personal standpoint, asking the ‘Why?’ and fighting these very natural feelings only perpetuated a Victim Consciousness. A Volcano does not ask ‘Why, am I erupting?’ It merely erupts. They say Trees do not lament a lack of Rain or the Rays of the Sun. In fact, if a Tree lacks Light, it changes its course and grows towards the Source of Light. Perhaps Roots run Deep for times when there is little or no Rain.

As I myself grow further, as Life has forged me like a Blacksmith does a new creation, through a methodical beating amidst a burning fire, I try not to focus so much on the questions. Rather, I look for what feels the answer because what I Focus gives me more of that, whatever that is, from wherever it is Created… Love and Fear are both powerful Creators, you know?

I do not profess to understand it all. But I will admit, that many times, I understand how I feel and because of that realize how truly important feeling is, in all its expressions, for it helps in liberating me from the beatings and torment of the Mind.

So if disdain, angst, and otherwise finds me, so be it, I welcome any and all feelings for they are merely there to teach. Let me remember to allow my experience for in allowing whatever may be to be, then I will not be shackled in limitation and can be set Free.

A Facebook Eulogy

This is in memory of my Grandmother, Aurora Mitchell, originally posted a few days after her Death this past Tuesday.  I am grateful for all the support people gave in their words and messages.  A friend would write and tell me it helped her deal with her own recent loss of her Grandmother and I thought that was cool.  I left it as it, typos and all because that was the stream of consciousness that I was in and perhaps to let our Grammar Terrorist Gran know that we still love her and always need her.  Love You, Gran!

The other day my Grandmother aka Gran left this Terran ?Building? aka Earth. Shortly after finding out this news my car would die, much in the same fashion that one I had previously, her former car, did as well while driving, engine just went down. Gran, knowing that I had Roadside Assistance, just wanted to say goodbye, as a friend put it, and it was a reminded me alot of a story that a Mentor once shared with me about a visit from her Father after he left.

The end of a Life happens but only once. I reflect on that greatly, it is in fact what I consider a huge part of my Writing, and with each passing that occurs, I am reminded once more how momentary, this experience of Flesh, Blood, Bones, & Spirit woven in between is.

Funny things happen when people go. We talk to them as if they are here, I can?t even count how many times I have thought or said aloud, “Oh Gran.” We recall memories, such rich vivid experiences of books, oranges, and hugs from my Gran, at lunch in the school I attended where she worked, and then after school after that.

We also have the opportunity to connect dots…

Everyone who has ever entered my Life, whether we part ways in the burning of bridges, the shaking of heads, in handshakes or with hugs, has taught me, has helped me to be who I am. As I connect dots surrounding this recent exit stage Out of Here, I realize how much of me is because of this woman who is now Free.

Death is Freedom. It is Freedom when realization occurs that Death can and will come for each and every one of us, so just Live, as best as can. It is Freedom because then the Soul once more meets the Beloved, as Mystic Poets refer to the Creator, whoever, however S/He may be, in the Ether.

In a biological sense, parts of my genetics, my ancestry, and my physical relation to this Hawaii that I Love so much is because of that. There?s some largely emotional elements that follow the biology because as handsome as I may be (wink), when you look like this here, a “F*** You Haole” is not far behind it. I tend to, prefer to, strive to see beyond skin, to look at the Soul for this is ignorance regardless or race, color, creed, the same as their is beauty for the same reasons. There is also emotional recollection of Love and acceptance, for though we were each different, Gran Love us All in her way and that was cool for a kid who grew up with imagination and numinous musing to keep him company.

Intellectually I am greatly impacted. Though I?m not a card carrying member of MENSA, I read, I write so much because of both Grandmothers, who would make sure I got to the Library every week as a kid, either in Kaneohe or in Hilo. Gran would also totally Grammar Nazi it along the way to all of us and make sure that we spoke properly. Really glad she didn?t get to see my Hawaii Creole English Poetry years…

Spiritually, well, Ole JMAW could talk about Spirit related things for eons so let?s see where this goes.

When my Grandfather, Old said peace out a few years back, he gave me a great gift of words and told me, “You Remember, Young, You Remember.”

Remember each day do I of how short, so ever fast this experience is. Gran told me many things and I find as I reflect on it, I find one stand out piece of wisdom that I will share here.

We spent some time, just she and I, talking last year about Life and Death, she told me she was ready, she talked about her Love for my Grandfather, for all her now grown children, even if/as they shook their heads at one another (Note: She was able to say great things about all of you), and she started to tell me why she didn?t want a service. My Grandfather(s) was(were) the same, didn?t want anything because then people who don?t really know you show up and say whatever it is that they say about who did what and why. Why?d you work so hard, I asked her, not sure why I was asking, but as I write today, perhaps that is a bit clearer.

“You know, Jason. I didn?t do it for them. I did it all for the Grace and Glory of God.”

I think about all the crafts and toys that her and my Grandfather made, how she sewed quilts and donated those, all the time she worked at and helped in making a low-budget Catholic school run and to serve the community. All the things I didn?t see as but heard about as well.

Whether one believes in God or not, whether we can find proof of what is next or not is inconsequential in my opinion. What matters is to do it all for such grace, such glory, for if God is truly real, I have to believe that God as they say is quite simply, Love. The phrase in Hawaiian is ?Aloha ke Akua? and Love, like God, are experiences that cannot be truly explained, only felt, and I believe we each have our relationship and experience of/with that, which many dub as the ?Spiritual Journey.?

You know what else? Spiritual or not, I do not even think that really matters because Spiritual people die just like people who do not believe in anything do. That?s not morbid, well perhaps it is, LOL, but with Death, it?s about finding ways to Be Authentic and Give.

I think if you do something, anything, no matter how big or small to find more ways of being Kind each day, that is what matters. If that?s for the Grace and Glory of something Greater than just Humankind, then that?s a mark in the plus column and another step towards tipping the scale and making this a healthier world.

That?s worth working hard. And I have so many examples of that from you, Gran. I will reflect back on all the people who walked through my trek, some briefly, and others, for a large portion like You, who is now not so much gone, but is finally set Free.

Goodbye Gran. You kept it Real. From your Kolohe/Rascal style of breaking your Christmas ornaments to stealing silverware as a kid to raising a big family and just giving so much as an adult, you were truly an authentic presence.

Thank you.