What if we could change the World? You know, make it all good and ‘tihs.’ Create a healthier future. Why is it that the idea seems probable for some and impossible for others? Questions that cannot be answered simply, merely Lived in order to experience.
It’s not hard because it is easy. As I look at my Life, as transformed as it is, as blessed as it is, at how much I believe in something Greater, a Higher Power in Love, here I am, just a man, and I struggle. Oh, how I struggle.
I have seen ‘hashtag believe’ and heard it over and over again in recent memory. I want to, I’m trying, but I know how hard Faith is. I don’t mean to be hypocritical, I just realize the duality is apparent, even if it is just an illusion.
I want to believe. I was born to believe, if anything, if only in Love, than that is surely enough. It is what I have wanted to believe to be so for so long. But it is hard for me. It is hard because I have been down similar roads, I tell myself, I have seen similar things.
But what if I saw similar things not because it was to read the writing on the wall but to prepare me for the road ahead because the road ahead would be weathered at times in just the same way?
I feel like in the exploration of my experience, my writing has not led me to any more answers. The answers were always there and the simplest of these is that it is all Love. Perhaps I just need to understand the questions I am asking? Maybe these questions are here to help me in some way?
I’m struggling right now. But even though I’m struggling, as great as the newfound happiness and fulfillment in my Life is, I am tripping, falling, pushing back up. Sometimes I do not stand up quickly. Othertimes I bounce right back. But what if the point is to realize that as I go through all of that, there really are two sets of footprints with me?
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:
“LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me.”
The LORD replied:
“My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.”
For some reason, as odd as it may seem, as unlikely as it may be, honestly, God is the only answer that gives me peace. My questions are not directed to the Most High, they are directed in a way that I may understand what it is that I am meant to see. And right there, even now, all along, here You are God, right there with me.
When I walked the road in the past, when I look at such similarity, I didn’t look to you, Lord, I couldn’t let things be. I couldn’t accept hurt, I couldn’t allow what was to be. And now I can, because even though things may repeat, I truly know, that there You are, right within me.
I wish there was some way that I could share and explain this to others. I wish these words could convey the relief that I feel in releasing them. Because as I repeat things, not because of somebody but because it is all a part of what I was meant to receive in the Gift that is this Life, it helps me to remind, that the Journey is taking me Home every step and feeling the greatness of Love throughout my +Being, that I as a man struggle through despite my sincerity about all of this.
“Just Love, it is only Love, you know?” ~Adya