Quandary

I’ve encountered a challenge as of late and the only way I know to explore, express, and release is through the medium of Writing.  The Gift and the Curse…

I’ve been avoiding writing.  Admittedly.  No excuses.  I’ve just been avoiding it.  The draft for AUM Vol. 2 is in the books.  Yet I have not moved on editing it.  Where Fear once stood in my way in the past, this time, it’s a bit different.

I have even moved into Vol. 3, having drafted the opening to that collection.  I have received some reviews from friends and family, have even gotten an anonymous compliment on Amazon about it.  There is a time, a place, a demand if you will.  I have the supply.  Yet, I do not let it out.  It’s odd really because I have even been asked more and more to do Readings again, to give Counsel.  Whenever I explain that there has to be a donation, people vanish.

I am sick of people just coming to me when they need something.  We are lucky God does not grow sick of us because the World would be worse off because of it.  I would Love to just open up and give or at least I once thought I would.  Yet it gets thrown back in so many different ways.

I gives thanks that the Universe sees me fit to face adversity.  I laugh when teachers tell me it’s all just an experience.  But like 50 Tyson said, “I ain’t gonna lie,” I’m going to be honest and express that some of these experiences suck.  If I didn’t have Faith, I don’t know what I would do.

In the past, when I didn’t, I failed to see all the good in my Life, even as the bad happened, and I felt so trapped, weighed down by the weight of what worried me.  Yet today, things have changed.  I still feel the junk feelings when they arise, but I strive to learn.  If that process I have now is more beneficial, chee huu.  In all honesty, I just want to be fulfilled and happy, help as many folks as I can.  I don’t need money but I welcome it.  I don’t need to travel or fame or cars or whatever else [please insert here] because I have something greater in this Knowing and Faith that there is more than just me, my Ego, this small personality that exists within the vastness of the Universe.

Maybe that’s the answer.  Maybe not.  But in this exploration of Writing.  I feel better.  With that, I guess it’s on to editing…

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