As far as I have come, I have a very hard time at letting go and releasing from time to time. The only difference these days is that I am willing to admit and accept that my healing still has a ways to go.
I can recall a time, clearly remember spaces, where I felt like achieving a certain degree of spiritual growth or to have moments of awakening and transcendence would be the key to be released from the trappings of my humanity. It/They/From my experience, that is not the case…
Healing appears to be Life-Long because that Dear Friends, Fellow Sojourners on the Life’s Road is a grand part of being on the Spiritual Journey. While I needed a space to vent recently to my Teacher, she recounted something that she had also learned. The vent session was needed because she was able to tell me this:
“I just had a realization that I will be 75 years old this year. I have never been 75 years old!”
I have never lived on February 9, 2013 before today nor have I ever written these words before. I have had other days like this, there have been other times that I have shared this year of age that my Body is moving through, but with each passing moment and the new Truth that it brings, I am brought more and more into an awareness that is one to observe both Joy and Pain, and in the process of learning to let go and release ‘the stuff,’ as this Teacher labeled it as, I can better accept each moment as it is.
I had my World turned upside a few years ago and a large part of that was due to insecurity, which in turn kept me from being present. I still have insecurity, the only difference this time is I am able to really look at it and explore it, take the healing to another level of consciousness because 1) I have too in order to be the best that I possible can be as a Human+Being and 2) It is coming back because I didn’t learn from it all the lessons it meant to teach.
As I really step back and look at what makes me most insecure, it is the unknown, it is the uncertainty. While others play a role in it and I in their own insecurities, it is not about them or me but about the learning. I don’t believe it is a lack of Faith, rather I feel it is an acceptance and embracing that my Truth and that Truth as it exists for others, as it is unfiltered and tempered by the moment. This is also impacted by the Driver in each moment, be that the Ego or the Soul. And whatever comes through, in each moment and time, is in fact right because of the learning it gives all involved.
“You chose this you know?” I have been told maybe a thousand times by many teachers. I am starting to believe what one of them said in that the same Voice on both sides of the Spiritual Fence that separates the Light and the Dark, is speaking through all of these different folks to me and I would speculate to others out there as well. Why else would the same messages be coming through different messengers?
I feel the Truth in that last paragraph, so much so it sends chills, it tingles because as much as I choose to walk with Love and for God, the opposite is right there too, as a neighbor.
Perhaps I dine too much on adversity. Or maybe the thoughts, the reflections are really worth something. Sometimes I really feel good about it, other times I don’t. But what I feel best about is the learning because through it all, I am still learning.
The day I stop will be the beginning of the end I imagine because if I cannot learn anything else, if there are no other things to work on within…
Hold up! I’m not even talking about outside of me anymore, I am focusing on my Inner Work, on the only healing that will matter because it is the only one I can learn to take ownership of, even if the only remedy is to truly merge it All as the Observer. If I cannot learn anything else, then what else is there to do in this Life?
Everything that I create and express comes from this Learning, which Truth be told is Inspired by Love. So if I ever hit a place where there is no need to be Inspired because I am already wholly fulled, that I have to speculate might be it.
Now I am talking in a very macro, “what is the point/purpose, why am I here?” but it can be applied on much smaller levels. If there are no more lessons to learn in a job, then for me, it’s done. Maybe someone stuck in a situation at work that they dislike can apply that. The same thing in relationships, where I live, so on and so forth, because… I hate to say it but: