There have been tears, a great many tears streaming and flowing from my eyes in the past week. I have felt the ever so profound nudges and all-so gentle slaps recently that are telling me it is time to take my show on the road and get out there and share this beyond the shores of my home.
“And they were offended in him. But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house.” Matthew 13:57, Kings James Version
It?s funny. I have been told by others that I have a message on a number of occasions. One of my best friends, April, whose blood and ancestry is not of these shores either, has often called me a Prophet. I don?t like the word or the other one people label me with (Preacher) but I did recently throw it out to the Universe to be a Minister in a different setting. In the days following, the tears found me as I was in realization that I had to leave the one I Loved, yet again. It was a bit easier the last time though more painful because I didn?t want it end between us, so it did and I had no other choice. In this scenario, it?s not that I want it to end, it?s just that I have to go and can?t hold on to whether it goes on or ends. I realize I do have a choice and well, the only thing that choice says is to choose Presence.
“I feel like you are gonna pull a Buddha and leave one day.” She told me in the first few weeks of us being together. In the months since, through growth that has come as I look at the pieces, the puzzles pieces of my existence as they fall all around me, I feel like I have to pull a Buddha because I?m still suffering and bound by it. Not only that, it?s my Path and JC walked his Path even though they took his Life. No one is offing me, I?m just guided to leave, which I know will alleviate the suffering because the only thing that set me free was the same as the last, to go out and share what I had learned, to be there for others in need.
But what about me? What do I need? LOL, what more do I need than Life itself and the Path it has given me…
The Path is lonely because it is undertaken alone. That does not mean we do not get to share the Road, as I have recently and in the remainder of the time that I have here in my island home, but taking this next step, only I can. And I am sad. The tears flow, just like the rain does outside right now as I write. But where it was once so much Pain in my experience, here, the tears flow because of the Love that I feel. I can no longer mistake the two for I realize how they really are both of and aimed at Love.
I don?t know what?s going to happen. I don?t say that to be pessimistic. The last time I was faced with such, I was in my Ego and its story, so I?m going with no expectations. I?m just being honest with myself and to her.
“We?re going to have a long Life together.” She said. “How do you know?” I asked. “I don?t,” she said as she stood up and walked away, “I just felt like saying it.”
I don?t know my Love, but all that matters, is that I do have these tears, right Here, right Now, and they are here because I do Love you.
Where the last experience I had helped me to know Aloha ke Akua, God is Love, this has empowered me to share that, if only that others may know such warmth in the hand of the Spirit that guides.
Our lives our not our own. This land does not belong to us, they have said it is for our children I am told. Even our bodies are temporary. But that?s okay. It?s Life. I can walk to that.
Instead of being forced or feeling thrown, I shall dance into the Abyss, that Dear Ole Dark Night of the Soul that seems to be calling me back once more.
Mahalo ke Akua and Praise Be.
Looking the way that I look (white), even though I am of mixed ethnicity, including Hawaiian, has not made my Life here in Hawaii very easy. I can’t even recall or count the number of times that I have been called the word, ‘Haole,’ even more so, I cannot even begin to express how many of those times, the word is preceded with some variant of f*ck.
I do not understand this. I didn’t board a ship and take land neither did my parents or Grandparents or their parents. My European ancestry came after the colonization to America. MY Asian ancestors came to Hawaii before it was annexed. Even more, my Grandfathers from the Mid-West came after Hawaii had already been a US Territory for generations. I realize that old wounds die hard but many of the people who have called me these things are not Hawaiian themselves, and/or they aren’t even connected to the fact that they are Hawaiian. Hawaii’s last Queen married a white person and she wanted a Hawaii where all could be Hawaiian (and even hold dual citizenship if they wished). Alot of good Loving Ideology got her right? What kind of world is this that we kill those who want to show us the best within ourselves? What kind of world are we living in when all we see is through the Devil’s eyes, and not from the Love of the Father who made each and every one of us?
It is interesting to reflect upon discrimination in any form. I am far from perfect as a Human+Being but each day, I try to be a better man and it surely not easy. It is particularly hard when you Love someone and it is members her/his family making such statements about you. It is truly unmarked ground that my Journey is taking me down.
I have been called so many things in my Life and I have a crazy mind that wants to believe the crazy things that are said about me sometimes because my Ego has said as worse if not even more so to me over and over again. And that is where it comes from. The consciousness where the Ego resides, plotting and finding ways to cultivate suffering because so many Human+Beings are miserable.
BUT. I’m through. I’m done. I’m so tired. I’m putting more energy into being Loving then feeding Anger and bigotry. People are going to say whatever they want to say but I know, I believe in God and that God is not saying any such thing about any of us because God is Love.
Remember Love. Love the ones closest to you. Give those you do not know a chance because before you know it, the opportunity to make a life-long friendship may have passed. Even worse in my opinion, the hate gets transferred into another generation of children being force-fed a culture that rewards animosity and spits on Love.
Let go. Let God. Let there be Light. And please may Love heal All. If the only thing that will help is to pray until you feel better, than do that. Because there are so many more important things to spend our energy on. There are real, legitimate issues that exists not because of someone’s skin or beliefs or sexual preference. They exist because of the choice to do evil that exists in this plane.
We can either create a beautiful world or destroy it. The choice lies in each and every moment.
What will you choose?
Sometimes the only thing that we can do, the only thing we really always have going on, is in our Breath.
I have been stubborn in my Life when it comes to Meditation but I strive to Breathe Deeply, particularly amidst stress. While it might not make the thoughts go away immediately, it helps. The process also helps to alleviate any symptoms within the body that come with some of the more anxious and stressful situations in our Life. It is a truly interesting experience, one that I cannot always process but that apparently I do a good job at “witnessing” or so I have been told.
Today, let me breathe deep, in hopes that I remember that with each Breath, I always have exactly what I need.
Mahalo ke Akua!
I have two people living in my consciousness it would seem: a Happy One and a Not-So One. Then there is the Observer, who calmly observes, and most likely laughs…
Being alive is quite a process. As I deconstruct what makes me, me, and identify who I am, it is a beautiful, albeit at times alarming process. I find myself in similar situations as before, the only difference is that my experience allows for more clarity due to the culmination of my experiences. When I trained in Muay Thai, there was a teaching that really stuck out and it was often dubbed as:
“Not too happy, not too sad.”
It was a sub-teaching in the area of Balance and to Walk the Middle Path as opposed to walking from one extreme to the next constantly.
This sense of always having same type of temperament, by being neither too happy or too sad but just a little bit happy, was viewed in the Buddhist teachings that guided Muay Thai as a gift to the world because if you embodied this, you gave consistency to others. In my relationship, I have been told numerously that I am cold and emotionless. I find this to be surprising in my Ego because I fought so hard to live in the Human (which I once greatly despised) to go along with the + Being of my Spirit. To my Ego, I am a Loving, Feeling Being. Yet when I go into my Spirit, I am in effect Empty and the feeling I share is that I’m Cold. (Which physically is interesting because my body temperature runs lower than the average and I get cold below 80 here in Hawaii. If the body is the way the Spirit experiences the World, what is that saying, eh?)
Years ago, when I first breathed Life into The Simple Voice, I wrote about the Conscientious Observer and its role in Life. It is funny how we as people, have it right all along when we look back, and as always the Ego takes us far from the Truth and/or inserts its slant… To be a Conscientious Observer, my understanding of it, is to observe and be conscious of One’s thoughts as they float in and out of the experience. Nothing new said there…
We are not our thoughts.
We are not our thoughts.
We are not our thoughts.
And that is really okay. My Ego has cringed many times at that. It will surely cringe more as I Flow through this Journey. The stories I tell about myself and the stories I expect of others do not matter, for what is going to be, will be, however that is.
These stories that give us identity because of our Ego’s attachment to what they represent are ultimately meaningless because when we are gone, our Ego ceases to be nor will our Spirit care. It is not that our Spirit is cold, it is just that our Spirits, our Souls leave the body and this plane of existence. It is irrefutable that we shall all pass on physically, our Bodies shall once more be of Dust. As far as we know, only Jesus returned but even then, not physically, ethereally.
If the Soul is not attached to the body and the stories that are experienced in the body, then why should we be attached?
What does that phrase even mean? Much like Chee Huu in Hawaii, it’s one of those celebratory cries that don’t make a whole lot of sense and probably has five million meanings. I wonder what Urban Dictionary has to say about it?
Life has been a continuing unfolding of ‘IDK’ each and every day. Some days I feel great. Others not so. As I go through it, I kind of just sit back and watch, observe, feel. That’s all I really can do. Forcing change does not achieve the optimal result anyhow.
With that, I wish you in the Ether a good day, a good night, and a good bye. Not for long. Particularly since we are in the 6th year of The Simple Voice and its musings. Not to mention I paid to re-up the darn domain, saddled into the seat for another year, another ride through conscious musing. Last year gave us a book.
What does this year hold? Volume 2? A new endeavor? Who knows. I just thx be to God I’m alive and each day is a bit better if only because I learned more than I did the day before.
I mean aw sookey something.
I recall hearing the phrase, ‘lost in translation,’ from time to time and though I don’t feel Lost, I do feel like I am going through something in translation.
As I have Journeyed thus far and studied the Life around me that is the Waking Dream and all of its Mirrors, I am continually amazed at all that Life is showing. It truly is in every single moment of every single day that we can find the Truth of something greater. Whatever that is, well that’s beyond me, I just watch my Life and see what it shows me.
I’m a Gemini with a Scorpio Moon. I have been told the Left is symbolic of the feminine and the Spirit, the Right is symbolic of the masculine and the physical. I sat in a meeting yesterday with my two Directors on each side, a Gemini woman, a Scorpio man, and there across me like a Mirror, a Libra woman balancing both.
I get funny looks or laughs when I start connecting dots and referring to the underlying threads that tie it all together. It doesn’t hurt me much these days. I will not say it doesn’t hurt me ever for I would be foolish to think such a thing as Life is truly unexpected. But I do find joy and energy in finding the meaning, whether we wish to say it is spiritual or something else.
I like meaning. I enjoy meaning. I suppose it is because I merely wish to understand what it is that is Flowing all around me and have an idea of what my place and purpose amongst it really is, if any. And it could mean nothing. That could actually work too. Chances are, as I have reflected on previously, it is a little bit of all of the above.
My Grandma’s passing is still showing me a little bit of all of the above as I watch my family on that side go through the acts of playing it all out. Without their parents, the siblings are still in their same roles and exhibiting the traits that were acquired early on. It is not sad, it merely is and I feel quite fortunate to watch a powerful image, even if it is seemingly as though it is all falling apart. I know enough not to question the why, I just focus on observing, learning more and more about myself and in turn seeing the Mirrors and Reflections dance all about me.
It is quite beautiful this Life. Why Yes, it is quite beautiful, indeed…