Welcome to the Abyss

There have been tears, a great many tears streaming and flowing from my eyes in the past week.  I have felt the ever so profound nudges and all-so gentle slaps recently that are telling me it is time to take my show on the road and get out there and share this beyond the shores of my home.

“And they were offended in him. But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house.” Matthew 13:57, Kings James Version

It?s funny.  I have been told by others that I have a message on a number of occasions.  One of my best friends, April, whose blood and ancestry is not of these shores either, has often called me a Prophet.  I don?t like the word or the other one people label me with (Preacher) but I did recently throw it out to the Universe to be a Minister in a different setting.  In the days following, the tears found me as I was in realization that I had to leave the one I Loved, yet again.  It was a bit easier the last time though more painful because I didn?t want it end between us, so it did and I had no other choice.  In this scenario, it?s not that I want it to end, it?s just that I have to go and can?t hold on to whether it goes on or ends.  I realize I do have a choice and well, the only thing that choice says is to choose Presence.

“I feel like you are gonna pull a Buddha and leave one day.” She told me in the first few weeks of us being together.   In the months since, through growth that has come as I look at the pieces, the puzzles pieces of my existence as they fall all around me, I feel like I have to pull a Buddha because I?m still suffering and bound by it.   Not only that, it?s my Path and JC walked his Path even though they took his Life.  No one is offing me, I?m just guided to leave, which I know will alleviate the suffering because the only thing that set me free was the same as the last, to go out and share what I had learned, to be there for others in need.

But what about me? What do I need?  LOL, what more do I need than Life itself and the Path it has given me…

The Path is lonely because it is undertaken alone.  That does not mean we do not get to share the Road, as I have recently and in the remainder of the time that I have here in my island home, but taking this next step, only I can.  And I am sad.  The tears flow, just like the rain does outside right now as I write.  But where it was once so much Pain in my experience, here, the tears flow because of the Love that I feel.  I can no longer mistake the two for I realize how they really are both of and aimed at Love.

I don?t know what?s going to happen.  I don?t say that to be pessimistic.  The last time I was faced with such, I was in my Ego and its story, so I?m going with no expectations.  I?m just being honest with myself and to her.

“We?re going to have a long Life together.”  She said.  “How do you know?” I asked.  “I don?t,” she said as she stood up and walked away, “I just felt like saying it.”

I don?t know my Love, but all that matters, is that I do have these tears, right Here, right Now, and they are here because I do Love you.

Where the last experience I had helped me to know Aloha ke Akua, God is Love, this has empowered me to share that, if only that others may know such warmth in the hand of the Spirit that guides.

Our lives our not our own.  This land does not belong to us, they have said it is for our children I am told.  Even our bodies are temporary.  But that?s okay.  It?s Life.  I can walk to that.

Instead of being forced or feeling thrown, I shall dance into the Abyss, that Dear Ole Dark Night of the Soul that seems to be calling me back once more.

Mahalo ke Akua and Praise Be.


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