“I’m so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most” ~ from Runaway by Kanye West
The first thing that called out to me about the song mentioned above was the hitting of the piano keys. It almost felt like one of those Heart monitors that are in hospitals and most commonly focused on in television and movies. At least, that’s where I really recall that sound as it cried out its melancholy. And you know what? I loved it.
I still enjoy this song every time I hear it. These days, I don’t feel the same sadness that once haunted me, of which you can find traces of throughout the seven plus years of this site’s existence.
My Heart doesn’t sing, it doesn’t dance, but it beats on and I’m very appreciative of that.
I’ve been told that as a child I was very happy and excitable. As an adult, I’ve been told I’m too serious. Somewhere in the process of growing up, I have alternated between a lost smile or a forced smile.
My smile may not rise very often these days but when I do, it feels real, and I enjoy that.
Life is beyond me. The arrogance of youth fades when it comes to my spiritual beliefs with each passing year. It hasn’t entirely left and remnants certainly exist in my “professional” Life but that’s okay, I’m still growing and that is of great value. Perhaps being able to call myself out on my bullshit in increasing increments is what the greatest part all of that is.
Over the years, I could always find something wrong in others, in experiences, without taking the time to see the “wrong” in myself, my choices/behavior. Wrong is a word I’d like to work on eliminating from my vocabulary because on some level, I don’t belief there is wrong. There is certainly unhealthy and I’d argue many words we label as “wrong” fit there but what I’m striving to do, also in increasing increments, is to see the learning to be had in everything.
It’s not easy but I feel like the True Essence of Life reveals itself to me through Nature and this Journey.
“Don’t stop believing.” Words from another song that once really mattered by the band, Journey. It’s not that it doesn’t matter, it certainly does, but it’s just that Life is different and that’s cool too. The Pain that lives within me is my teacher and I welcome it for in the end, what I’ve ultimately sought, connection, is there and my separation is the one that is bound only through this Flesh.
L. O. L. I will wonder aloud who reads these words. In the end, I know I’ve written them to help me in the lifelong healing quest, but it’d be nice if they resonated in the same language as others out there. But does it matter? Nah, it’s going to be what it is. And I’m cool with that.
Instead of always finding something wrong, I’m going to look at the whole picture as best as I can because I can find “right” or “wrong” or how about otherwise if I place my gaze on it.
So why not gaze up out at the Sun?