“Terror’s tha product ya push
Well I’m a truth addict, oh shit I gotta headrush…”
from Vietnow by Rage Against The Machine
The search for #Truth is an interesting quest. At times in my Life, I’ve been told by a great many people bits of the following:
“You’re so spiritual.” or “You’re so introspective.” or “Wow, that’s deep.” And consistently by most friends I’m told: “You’re my only spiritual friend.” or “You’re one of the few people who I know that is interested in this type of stuff.” or bits of the same if ya know what I mean…
Maybe I’m a “Truth Addict?” Who knows? I can for the longest time remember describing this as “I have always felt a connection to something greater.” The funny twist, or turn, that I find myself at upon Life’s Road is that as I grow older, the less I feel a need to explain what that is, more so, I find myself just expressing as creatively as possible the feelings and experiences I’m having. In the past, an explanation was needed in order to feel validated externally. Somewhere in the last few years, I’ve let go of the approval of others to “be spiritual” and/or be me.
The other day I was thumbing through the Bible and found my reading Journey taking me on a stroll through Proverbs. The first thing I noticed was the emphasis on Wisdom, Knowledge, and Insight, different facets of the same diamond but all involving a sense of looking into the Truth. The second is that it was apparent a man penned this because as poetic as parts were, women still got a bum rap, which is sad, but I digress…
If you think about it, we all seek from early on and that’s probably just within Human Nature itself. As soon as a child can move, there is exploration. I’m not just talking about crawling leading to walking evolving into running and jumping becoming (insert “Child, No!” here). Even from the earliest inklings of reaching out to touch and feel the environment, a vast majority of humans explore.
I remember being inspired by Star Wars, with its epic mythological undertones and the mysterious Force, as a very small kid. From there I was led into reading these totally out there sci-fi/fantasy books, that mixed magic and overcoming adversity along with these fantastical creations, both in Spirit andman-made.
When it was time for me to physically leave the child behind (though learning to care for the Inner Child is a lifelong relationship), I started really exploring spirituality. There’s just something magical about looking for #Truth in my opinion and one of those other things I’ve said for as long as I can remember:
“I believe we can overcome anything when we have a strong spiritual foundation.”
During college, I can remember heated discussions with folks (mostly in their early 20s, who surprisingly knew it all), who were adamantly opposed to God, or even there being a sense of Meaning to Life. I’ve never been able to relate to that. I’m just not cut from that cloth.
That being said, my God-view is nothing like what you’d find in a Born-Again circle of Christianity, nor is it all too New-Age. It’s certainly influenced by my Catholic upbringing, with a healthy dash of my studies of Buddhism, Hinduism, and Eastern Philosophy in general. I can even find hints of Islam when I reflect upon some of the hardest lessons I’ve had to endure learning…
I don’t know what other to say than it’s the #Truth that I have found as I have sought since early on…
Note: This is a funny experience to write about and reflect upon because I remember being adamant in my 20s, I too knowing everything (even though I claimed that I didn’t), and now reflecting back and seeing how little I actually got back then.
30s are a strange era I find myself wandering through because I am increasingly okay with the fact that I don’t know much beyond what I’ve observed in Nature that resonates within and from what I have learned through experience. It’s a humbling period because as “spiritual” as people have seen or experienced me, I am only just now feeling really at peace with that term and that it truly is of great value in this Life that my Soul holds for this momentary period of time.
I guess when it’s who you are, even if you are far from the end of your Journey, some things are just revealed. And of course, Time, as much as an illusion as it is, is truly a wonderful teacher.
Moving beyond Fear, not succumbing to the Terror of this World, is a practice I am far from perfect at, BUT for some reason, the same as I’ve continued to seek out a meaningful existence, striving for an understanding of Love, as it moves through me, is a vehicle that helps each day.
Love has made me stronger. Love has made me be an honest with myself. Sometimes my honesty is quite cutting; you can ask those closest to me. In my younger years, I would create a song and dance as I crucified myself with Catholic Guilt. Though I haven’t put away my cross completely, I’m not so quick to pound in the nails nor seek out a crown of thorns. I have learned that I can look within quietly, in a variety of ways to know that I still bear the ugliness of my humanity.
With that horrid picture in place, focused there, it allows me to find and believe that there is also a Beauty to this. In seeking to Love myself a bit better, in a more healthy fashion each day, I’m growing more consistent with embodying #Truth with myself, and in turn, I can be that way in my interactions with others.
It’s funny because the old adage, “You can’t love others, unless you love yourself,” comes to mind and by striving to release Fear, not giving up seeking, I have found #Truth, in the form of Love.
Love, I’m growing to find is a lot like Baskin Robbins, because there are at least 31, if not an infinite amount more flavors in how Love is expressed in this Life.
If that makes me a “Truth Addict,” well that’s just effing awesome.