Tentacles – 1.

1.

this press

that I’m pressin’
got me repressed
in depression
please depress
that regression
else I regress
with the next recession
hold up!
where the fuck went recess?
damn, how I miss elementary!
this first volume of my life long closed
now so far out of my element in urban
Wildnerness I sup-prose and
these days!? are so sad!
Why?
B/c I can’t even sing.
(can’t sing!!!) about the beauty
of life business sans making ends
meet & greet with no ice pick to
break the chill that greets & meets
me at every vapid corner
of these soul bereft, vacant streets
so press on
and on and
on and on
and
until
at least Soul’s Dark Night
meets early mournin’
so totally
uncontrollably
finally then my
release
now I’m free
flowin’ like
fallin’ right
deep into
Universal
Abyss
I just
might
STOP
[Next page]
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Adventures in Screenwriting

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Temperature check.

Note: Whoever came up with that in relation to group dynamics was pretty witty.  

I am well into finishing up my second draft on my first feature-length script.  It’s rewarding, if only because it’s something different and long been a goal of mine.  The interesting difference that I find here is how in the past my goals were always tied to attachment.  This more feels like something I’m doing for fun and because I’m doing it.

I don’t know why and I wish I did but writing is in my blood or something and I can’t for the life of me figure that out.  The barely satisfactory definition that I keep coming back to is that:

Writing is just something that I do.

I’ve also always had a very active imagination and love the various art forms.  Working with a professional opera company has introduced me to the world of theatre and that has taken me back to my love for production.  It’s a roundabout journey through the rabbit hole but perhaps someday I’ll be writing about Adventures in Kaching-Ching Filmmaking…

But even if that comes to fruition, regardless, I’ll still write.

I’ve always written, from small kid time to the past few minutes here.  Before that I wrote copy for a tee-shirt ad.  Before that I wrote an email.  Before that I worked on said screenplay.  Throughout the day, I’ve tweeted.  Idk. Imo. Wtf. Smh.

I think you get what I mean.

And if this is all that my adventures in screenwriting teach me or give me, well to that, I thank you.

 

Repost From FrankMWanderer.Com

The Illusion of Your Personal History

Everybody has their own personal history. Our parents began to weave our personal history; first they told us who we were, they relayed the rules of living in a community, together with other people within a specific society. Then the little Ego was born in us, and we started to listen to the voice of the Ego that began to tell us our personal history. The inner voice told us a story about who we were and which way our life was heading. We found the story so convincing that it never even occured to us to question its truth. But is this story really true, or is this just the Ego, babbling away and leading us into the cobweb of thoughts hopelessly?

 The Anatomy of the Personal History

Every waking moment of our life fits a personal history with our own Self in its focus. Our life can only be interpreted within the framework of that history. The reason for that is that we identify with the voice of the Ego, the narrator of our own story, so closely that our personal history becomes the foundation of our entire life.

A closer look at that personal history will, however, reveal that our internal story consists of a fabric of experiences and thoughts. Thoughts that explain our experiences, thoughts that we believe and with which we identified, thoughts that will thus provide the foundations of our self-determination.

Our personal history keeps us under its spell, in a hypnotic state in which all our attention is devoted to the inner voice and story it tells. In this way we give up our alertness, the world passes by us, because we only concentrate on the elements of reality that appear to confirm our personal history. We therefore lose our grip on the deeper dimensions of life. The deeper dimensions are present in our life, but we lose contact with them because of our lack of alertness.

Beyond the Personal History

The question may arise in us whether we are really identical with our own personal history, or perhaps we are more than that? Everybody has some vague suspicion that our personal history does not reflect reality, we are in fact at a deeper level than that.

When everything is apparently all right in our personal history, we achieve our goals, we are happy, and the vague suspicion vanishes entirely in us, and our identification with our personal history becomes more powerful. There are, however, moments in our life when nothing appears to succeed, so we are unhappy and we suffer. The suspicion then reinforces in us, and we tend to believe that we are more than the cluster of thoughts that constitute our personal history. We realize that we are more than mere thoughts.

As long as we insist on our personal history, and on the storyteller, the deeper dimensions of our existence remain unaccessible for us. Not because these deeper dimensions are not present in our life, but because weaving the web of our personal history engages all our attention.

Waking up from your Personal History

If we become aware and conscious of our own personal history that we are telling ourselves, we have a chance to wake up from the hypnotic spell of our personal history.

In order to become aware and conscious of our personal history, we must ask ourself the question, ”Who is it, talking in my head, who is this inner voice, telling me my own personal history?” The only possible honest answer to that question is, that ”I have no idea!” Any other answer is rooted in the personal history, and as such, it is to be rejected.

The honest answer may easily be a shock for us, completely uprooting our life the way we lived it previously. The more closely we identified with our personal history, the bigger our astonishment may be. We no longer believe in what we have firmly regarded as our own personal history. This experience may, however, lead us to the point of questioning the truth of what we believed to be true in connection with ourselves.

This is the first sign that we begin to wake up from the hypnotic effect of our personal history. Now our attention is no longer fully engaged by our personal history, the storyteller telling us the story, and our identification with the story. We may then become sensitive to the deeper dimensions of our life.

You are the Entirety of Existence

The gateway leading us to the deeper dimensions of Life is Alertness, which appears as a result of the release of our attention from the hypnotic state of listening to our personal story. The new Alertness enables us to learn about ourselves without identifying with our thoughts and emotions.

What we first experience in this new, alert state beyond our thoughts and emotions is the completeness of existence. In that state all fragmentation disappears from our life, we recognize the inner spaciousness of our existence, our inner happiness and tranqulity. We feel at home in our own skin, and we realize that our alert consciousness is free from all kinds of thoughts and emotions.

We then may decide whether we wish to continue to listen to our personal story, or we move further on, towards the quiet foundations of our existence.

(C) Frank M. Wanderer, 2013-2015 (www.frankmwanderer.com)