27 Pharaohs

“Cause we blessed up.” ~ Meek Mill

Legend has it

Egypt once was ruled

by a Council of 27

Pharaohs.

This collective valued the preservation of life through the cultivation of spirit. It was a glorious time to be alive.  I’ll say it again:

IT WAS A GLORIOUS TIME TO BE ALIVE

But as man’s greed was tainted by the Ego Devil’s need, the consciousness of the 27 was fractured, scattered, and awaited a Return, one that takes the passing of Saturn in the orbit of each person’s skies 27 years after her/his birth.

And with that, came the eternal Dark Night of the Soul for everyone.  But hope was not, can not ever be, lost, FOR there are those who have been able to traverse outside of Plato’s Cave.  And they, those in energetic form and the remaining in flesh, urge us all forward, toward, the eternal Light Day of the Shared Cosmic Savior that is our etheral balance.  They do this for we are a net, and if a single thread remains unbound, the net can never achieve its potential.

Should you stumble, should you fall, recall the 27 Pharaohs who lost it all but buried the diamond in the moment for all to breathe during this short experience.

 

Day 22

They say that

the number 22 is that of the

Master, the Christ

a conscious(ness)

Peak

I’m just living my life

and cultivating Peace

So if I

speak

On that it’s just my

belief

Vol. 2 Redemption – Life is Messy

The Lyft Driver’s last words to me on this day: But that’s Life.  Life is Messy.  You have to figure it out as you go.

We’d a brief conversation on how there were people who milked the system and the system being at fault.  His view was that affordable housing serves people who didn’t want to work.  My view acknowledged that but added more to the picture in that the system is also failing people and perpetuating itself through the cycle of neglect and poverty.

Which brings the question to mind: How can one know there is more if one has never been exposed to more?

I’m 36.  At times that has been held against me it seems.  In other instances, it feels like I’m praised for thinking the way I do for as young as I am.  I see two lines of thought and it’s a bit like the housing picture, one limiting, the other a bit broader.

“Bradah, you stay at the front of the line, making your way through the jungle with just one bolo knife. It’s lonely Brah!”  The Reader’s words follow that thought experiment.

And I’m rewound to a few months prior was I was told my Path is that of the Sage.  I feel a conflict that I can never put in words and I feel a frustration because so many people I have encountered have labeled within a limited analysis yet there are only small bits of moments where I meet people, who do in fact, get It, whatever It is, that I’m about.

“It’s like making your way up a mountain. You’ve been down the roads others are on and you can see the boulder just ahead that they can’t because you are where you are now.”  An Old Gent told me as I was once the Reader.   I wish you well Gerd, wherever you are, in the Flesh, or Spirit, I cannot know, but I remember how alive you were despite having lived so much.

Life really is messy.

All I can do is submit and make do with what comes.  The roles I’ve played in the lives of others are fine, I own them, I give thanks for the lessons.  I’m just ready to be me and be loved for that without compromise.  What I mean there is not that I do not ever plan to compromise.  Compromise and effective communication are essential.  Rather, I want people to love me for who I am because that is what they should want for themselves.

Respect is earned it is said.  Perhaps let’s go deeper and see that Honor is fleeting if not respected so that is where the return makes the most sense.

I don’t know.

I’m putting the pieces together.  I’m only 36, too old, a failure, yet still young, with time.

I just know that my Heart sees far more than it has at times been given credit and I’m tired of falling on deaf ears when It speaks through me.  So maybe I’m the one who has to start listening to It.

Start there and let that lead.

“Isn’t it time Bradah, that instead of just loving others, you got loved, too?  You one good Bradah, you deserve that you know.  That no mean you bad, the ones when come before bad, all the chords connected to you wasn’t bad.  It just means that it was all aligning you so that you recognize that Love, in the way that will make you feel full, is out there.” More words from the Reader come to mind as I wind this down.

And I guess, where I stand, there really is no harm in believing It.

Believing in all of these other lines of thought has been like wearing styles that were en vogue for a season, or no longer fit.  I’m ready for a new look.  Why the fuck not?

 

 

 

Redemption – Playlist

My Beautiful, Dark Twisted Fantasy – Kanye West

Just about every song on this album resonates to my current experience and period of life as a near four-year relationship has ‘evolved’ into something else.  Of note, “Runaway” and “Blame Game” speak out because so many of the sentiments that he conveys speak to many of the feelings that have come as I’ve looked at my role in this ‘evolution’ and am seeking to heal, to understand, and get to know myself as a I am now.  I work for an Performing Arts Company and often joke I am paid not to sing but many a time have I tried to sing along to these two songs.

“Smile” – Vince Staples

This track off Staples’ Prima Donna feels like it is addressing adversity and I find it to be relatable.  The underlining repetition of the hook “smile for me” also a great reminder to smile when I feel so many other feelings throughout the day.  Listen through to the end and hear his haunting: “Sometimes I feel like giving up…” on repeat and yeah, this song embodies everything whilst facing a tough time.

“All the Way Up” – Fat Joe & Remy MA

“I’m all the way up!”

Enough said.

“Joker” – Jean Grae

The beat and fantastical lyrics are a solid reminder that Love ain’t all that bad and despite the new phase I find myself in, there’s so much Love for that person and what she & I shared.  Though I’ve not moved through my hurt or processed fully much of what occurred and what mis-step I took that let it spiral, I’m hopeful a positive conversation could be achieved someday because Love can never die.  It just takes on new forms, the same as when our Spirits leave the body.  Transitions just occur on the daily and that’s how it goes.

“Don’t Dream It’s Over” – Unknown

Whether she did this by design or that’s where she turned it off, there sat a record on the record player, a song or two ahead of the first track on that side.  As I turned it on, I heard this cover of “Don’t Dream It’s Over” and was I taken back to many a younger heartache that a different cover of this song took me through.  The feelings, again, so fresh, so raw.  Though I’m moving and dealing with this far better than any other I have encountered despite it being my longest relationship, it’s still making my legs feel as though they’re encased in concrete.  A fog clouds my brain, my heart chakra feels pains, and my stomach has been in knots.

Years ago, all I had were my dreams and the other night I dreamt that I apologized to her and she kissed my third eye so I can only trust that what is unfolding is as the Divine would have it.

Guess I’ll keep dreaming.

“Permanent Holiday” – Mike Love

“Oh, I’ve got my own Path to follow. Oh I’ve got my own Truth to swallow.”

Ain’t that the Truth, Mikey, ain’t that the Truth…

“I’m a Villain” – Nas

“Wherever Is Your Heart” – Brandi Carlisle

“Though your feet may take you far from me, I know wherever is your heart I call home.”

That song got to me.  Along with a host of others as I went for a walk at night.  I think the best was the couple sitting on the beach listening to:

“Love Hurts” – Nazareth

“Love hurts
Love scars
Love wounds and marks
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
Love hurts,
Ooo-oo love hurts”

Feel the pain, let it go, feel the next feeling, let that go.  Feel the pain again.  Cycle of life, man, cycle of life.