Redemption – Ep. 04

Every tear I ever saw her cry, and especially the ones I caused, broke my heart.  

It’s impossible to get that sentiment across to the one you love when you are going through an emotional disagreement and it’s crazy when you both have different peer groups that offer a vast array of advice as you try to grapple with what’s unfolding in your life when the unexpected unfolds.

As time goes on, the further I age, the more I realize, the Truth is beneath the emotion, the ‘guidance’ and it sits within.

It’s taken me time and space to have that connection within and in order to reconnect with someone who you shared such a powerful experience with, but life and the Universe have other plans, hopefully time and space will allow for a healing element to occur, in whatever form that takes, at a later time and space.

Breaking up sucks.

It sucks when you are the one the other person is moving on from for whatever reason s/he feels compelled to do so.

It sucks when you hurt and can’t deal with there being more hurt than happiness.

It just sucks, period.  

In all the different relationships that I have been in, there has never really been an ending that makes a lick of sense until time & space sets in.  But time & space do not lie and while certain world views no longer serve me because my experience has given me something broader, it doesn’t mean I don’t leave the door open for anything being possible.

It is our fatalistic tendencies that bar us from happiness.  S/he is the One.  I’ve found my One Career.  This is who I am at age 5, 10, 17, 21, 27, 30, 35, 42, 60, 75, etc.

Life is in a constant state of flux and the only One way for everything is a recipe for disaster that will seep into family relationships, intimate relationships, personal and professional relationships.

Though I’m not quite vocal about it, I’ve got a hint of old school, fate, destiny, romance hope going on perhaps because my Grandparents were together for a time, then split, because my Grandmother had to sew her wild oats aka go on a hay ride (“If your mother was born a few months earlier, that’d be why…”) before realizing she was in fact ready to commit fully to my Grandfather, who had a marriage in between the time they were apart and another son (who my Mom and her siblings learned about much later).

Thinking about that helps me.  It doesn’t guarantee what is to be written next but when we think something is guaranteed, we take it for granted.  I was told recently, you sound more genuine today in what your saying than you were before in regards to my spiritual beliefs.

That’s because when I was young I was spiritually arrogant.  I felt something greater than me, I knew it was there but I thought it was guaranteed because I felt it and I didn’t work at life.  And life requires us to work better and more efficiently because when we struggle, when we resist, we manifest suffering through our denial that there can be shit on the window.

Point of all this.  Time & space allow for life to breathe new growth and sometimes, there are other events that need to take place in order for an authentic life to blossom.

It’s a (small)mind(aka Ego) fuck, but it is what it is.  The Spirit knows this. Occupy it.

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