Five Days

11140379_10101408535280996_93268422965394915_nAs the year winds down, it occurs to me that I have the same amount of days left as fingers on one hand or toes on a foot.  I don’t recall thinking about it that way when there were ten days left, when I had had two hands, two feet, to navigate with.

Approaching this close of another year, looking at how little there is left, I wonder, did I live this year fully?

Being critical, I’d say yes and no.

Did I do my best?  Being honest, I’d answer the same.

This was probably the hardest year that I had to face despite being better equipped to address the challenges that came up than I was when facing a greater deal of adversity at younger ages. As many would agree, something about this year though, all the events personally, professionally, and around the world just ground me down and pushed me beyond my limits.

And let’s be real it sucked pretty often.  Come on, forget my little speck of dust life in the cosmos and look at the events that gathered all of us into our unique dust piles:

  • Ongoing violence in America
  • 2016 Election
  • Foreign Craziness like Brexit or the South Korean Impeachment
  • KO – Brangelina
  • The retirements of Kobe Bryant, KG, and Tim Duncan
  • All the deaths

2016 even took George Michael on Christmas.  I mean, how fricking crazy is that?  The dude who created the song with the lyrics, “last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day, you gave it away,” died most likely due to what reports have stated was heart failure.

The highs and lows were by far the most extreme that they have ever been and I can not yet fully articulate why that is because I haven’t processed all of what I have felt over the past twelve months.

2016 took me beyond feeling strong, but I kept going though I felt weak, and finally here I am, with just five days left, and crossing another line.

The big a-ha I’m taking with me in these last few days is that even if all I can celebrate is that I showed up as best as I could, that’s enough.  I showed up while juggling the anxiety, depression, despair, frustration, and feelings of wandering through the Darkness of 2016.

I showed up and didn’t turn into a total shit.  Sure, I wasn’t perfect.  I made mistakes, but for the most part, I was a good human.

That’s got to count for something.

And if it does or not, I’ll laugh because 2016 was a reminder to not take life seriously, at all.

Advertisements

Dust

When the walls, the walls come a tumbling, tumbling down, down, down, there’s nothing, nothing left to see

For inside those crumbled walls, there’s nothing, nothing left of me

Oh how far gone and alone has life turned out to be, I’ll look to Nature, cause Nature will never be anything but who She is, She is truly.

Recent Reflections – A Synthesis

15541889_10102094858558646_7920079951513615426_n

I was fortunate to get to spend some more time overseas this year.  Spending around 20 days in Asia (Japan and Korea) in total over the last four months isn’t that much if you think about it, but it was enough to shake and stir awake my consciousness with some freshness.  

Here are some spiritual reflections that came up on this last trip that stand out enough to share.  Enjoy.

So what I have learned this time out in the rabbit hole?  What have I found?  

~ Everything happens as is.  Resistance is what expands the suffering.  Trust life even more than you already do.

~ Pre-programmed mental constructs hold one back.  Release them and rewrite them.  No one knows more than knowing.  Knowing is confidence and it need not be acknowledged nor understood by anyone but you.

~ Nothing matters. Change the script whenever you wish. Endeavors do not need to have illusory goals and endpoints that make it worthwhile in this plane of consciousness. Sometimes one has to get lost in order to define a worthwhile goal that is the blossom of the seed from within.  The blossom blooms in its time, then dies, and is reborn to continue the cycle endlessly.

~ You can because I can.  I am Not and All at simultaneously.  The separateness of duality is not merely the realization that you see both sides from a doorway at different times.  Doesn’t change the fact that you can go back and forth through many doorways throughout life.  

~ Divine Timing is never wrong.  

On that last note, I’ve notice paintings of clocks, clocks on buildings, even the clock on the wall in my crib.  Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock.  

Tock Tick.  

Reminds me a bit of The Maxims of Delta.  You can check that out online here.