Five Days

11140379_10101408535280996_93268422965394915_nAs the year winds down, it occurs to me that I have the same amount of days left as fingers on one hand or toes on a foot.  I don’t recall thinking about it that way when there were ten days left, when I had had two hands, two feet, to navigate with.

Approaching this close of another year, looking at how little there is left, I wonder, did I live this year fully?

Being critical, I’d say yes and no.

Did I do my best?  Being honest, I’d answer the same.

This was probably the hardest year that I had to face despite being better equipped to address the challenges that came up than I was when facing a greater deal of adversity at younger ages. As many would agree, something about this year though, all the events personally, professionally, and around the world just ground me down and pushed me beyond my limits.

And let’s be real it sucked pretty often.  Come on, forget my little speck of dust life in the cosmos and look at the events that gathered all of us into our unique dust piles:

  • Ongoing violence in America
  • 2016 Election
  • Foreign Craziness like Brexit or the South Korean Impeachment
  • KO – Brangelina
  • The retirements of Kobe Bryant, KG, and Tim Duncan
  • All the deaths

2016 even took George Michael on Christmas.  I mean, how fricking crazy is that?  The dude who created the song with the lyrics, “last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day, you gave it away,” died most likely due to what reports have stated was heart failure.

The highs and lows were by far the most extreme that they have ever been and I can not yet fully articulate why that is because I haven’t processed all of what I have felt over the past twelve months.

2016 took me beyond feeling strong, but I kept going though I felt weak, and finally here I am, with just five days left, and crossing another line.

The big a-ha I’m taking with me in these last few days is that even if all I can celebrate is that I showed up as best as I could, that’s enough.  I showed up while juggling the anxiety, depression, despair, frustration, and feelings of wandering through the Darkness of 2016.

I showed up and didn’t turn into a total shit.  Sure, I wasn’t perfect.  I made mistakes, but for the most part, I was a good human.

That’s got to count for something.

And if it does or not, I’ll laugh because 2016 was a reminder to not take life seriously, at all.

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