Why You Mad, World?

“Come with me, Hail Mary
Run quick see, what do we have here
Now, do you want to ride or die
La dadada, la la la la” ~ Tupac, Hail Mary

I’ll never forget the hook of the song but then again, it’s the words that follow:

“I ain’t a killer but don’t push me.”

I’m not a perfect person.  In my Flesh, I am weak.  I saw this early on and felt seeking spiritual ground would allow me to thrive, to flourish, to withstand.  Many hills and valleys, I’ve trekked, the feeling of being alone, always prevalent save the realization of there being a tenderness in the Truth of Love, that would dry my tears with the wind or the comfort my Soul would feel as I saw near the ocean.

“I ain’t a killer but don’t push me.”

That line though.  I’ve been feeling more and more myself slowly over the past few months and certainly no regrets or ill will towards anyone in life but I wonder, how did I get so far from center? How did I get to a place where my whole existence was trying to survive? And how is it that I survived?

“I ain’t a killer but don’t push me.”

I lost my way.  Lost my sight.  Lost my North.  Simple as that.

“I ain’t a killer but don’t push me.”

Now as we sit in a world where the US has the potential to be involved in battles around the world, with Syria and Afghanistan having been bombed recently, with North Korea on notice, not to mention Iraq or Iran, and who knows what will occur with Russia or China, it’s hard not to wonder why is it, that we, as a collective have lost our way?

“I ain’t a killer but don’t push me.”

In losing my way, I see my own stubborn inability to adapt, as well as let go, where need. The balance of both crucial.  Is it possible for the collective to even strike a balance?

“I ain’t a killer but don’t push me.”

Are we destined for the fall before we recognize the grace and beauty in Life as it is?  Is it necessary for chaos and conflict in order for the appreciation of this short time we have to breathe?

“I ain’t a killer but don’t push me.”

Whether it’s the micro (one life) of the macro (many lives), all of This is Sacred. We don’t have to lose in order to gain.


The space in between.
As much as cool life occurrences such as attaining goals, victories, and the like are epic, it’s the space in between that matters the most. Enjoy those checkpoints, they can be great! But they are balanced by their opposite, and if we fail to live fully the space in between, we miss out on so much.
I’ve missed out on alot over the years. I’ve been graced to walk as long as I have and grow presence, but it surely is a practice, this adventure, truly, a journey.
And I’ll keep tripping because that’s part of being human. But if to trip and fall is human, what is to get back up?
I was told yesterday by a man, who “isn’t into spirituality” that when he went to Kalaupapa, he couldn’t stop weeping the whole time he was there. He couldn’t explain it, he felt it, the beauty, the pain, side by side. As he recounted the experience, tears filled his eyes.
I believe there is more to our existence and surely, this man, who doesn’t believe the same things, felt something more than just his human feelings in those moments. And it’s stuck with him in the space in between since.
Hold close each moment. If we can honor the space in between, we shall surely find such glorious kindness.


I laughed and you laughed through me, did you hear it?  I smiled and you smiled, did you feel it?  Can’t  you see it?  Though this life is tangled, the web weaved not by you, or me, but by the journey we seasoned, enhancing the moments,  then, now, and yonder, on through eternity.

We love, we lose, the ego, likes to be

But I laughed alone, and in the moment, I felt it, I felt you laugh through me.  A smile crept, it crept up through me, as I paddled through the abyss, of everlasting sanctuary. Never will I look back, and feel regrets, for there are none more to see.

For I laughed, with you, and without, and both times, I felt it, you laughed through me.