Small Kine Stories- Da Sand Bah

Ho cuz, when me and my cousins was small keeds, befo I wen move
Hilo, my unco had one boat named afta my Aunty Colly, yeah.  No it wasn’t da Aunty Colly was da Kalina.  Das in Hawaiian.  Eh, shaddup, I telling one story… 

Anyway every weekend, was so fun, well wen neva had rain, we’d go sand bah out
Kaneohe side.  Was da best kine ocean picnic eva:  fried chicken, tuna sandwiches, frozen kine juice drinks in da box o da pouch wit da manini-make-um-shoot all ova da place straw.  Choke memories brah.

Dat was the first time I can remembah takin’ one numba two not in da toilet o in my pants, eh focka, you know wot I mean, I was one small keed and sometimes no could hold um.  No make like neva wen happen to you.  Eh, wotteva…  Whea was I, oh yeah first time I got to wea one life jacket, get da kine burn in da throat cause you jus wen swallow too much watah cause all da adults stay drinkin’ and decide fo play catch wit da keeds cause no moa one ball cause someone wen forget, o at least das how dey tell um, and stay inside da watah so no hurt or sometin lidat.  Stay mess up uh dat kine?

But nah, was full on mean.  Whea else you could go to one all sand beach wit no moa buildings and only da ocean around you?  Unless had da kine da tide way too high days and da sand bah no stay.  Was still dea unda watah but was like goin da shallow part at da beach. 

Nostalgias, bulley!  I tellin’ you.  Nostalgias!  If I eva get keeds, guarans goin have to take um dea, even if I no live dat side or I move back Hilo or wheaeva.  Goin’ be solid and dey goin love um.  Ha, unless we fo’get one beach ball…

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Small Kine Stories- Wot!

Da singlest most deadly word in all of modern day
Hawai`i… “Wot!”  No laugh, I stay serious.  You no can argue dat choke fights wen start cause of somebody was giving one odda person stink eye and den said,  “Wot!” probably followed by odda choice explicit kine words.  I bet you wen Kamehameha was one keed, some buggah wen say wot to him.  And brah, da King neva forgot.  He jus wen go right back and give all da islands one big “Wot!” cause he was all piss off.  Kay maybe das goin’ too far…. Eh, no look at me lidat.  Huh, you fricka?  Wot!

Small Kine Stories- Kids Say Da Darned’est Tings

Me and my Fadah was going Holo-Holo, uh, it was like one Satuhday richual. I would get up, watch cahtoons, maybe eat one bowl cereal but probably not cause… we’d always go McDonald’s. Ho bra, McDonald’s breakfast is so cherry! Anyway, we’d go dea and I’d get like one Cinnamon Danish and Beeg Breakfas’ oa Bacon Cheese Beescuit. I was one skinny, eh shaddup I was, anyway, skinny keed too. But yeah, I’d grind all dat, mostly da Danish bra. I not talkin no wimpy cinnamon roll like da kine dey get now. Dose buggahs was huge and ono wit da melted sugah all over. Talk about broke da mouth. Anyway, one day we went drive-thru uh and had one lady and she was supah tan da kine tan dat I goin look like one crab oa firetruck befo I could even get dat dark. So I tell my fadah, “Eh Dad, she get one nice tan.” But eh, I was one small keed kine so I no really rememba wot I said jus dat I rememba Satuhday Holo-Holo Sessions and dis story for some reason. Anyway, da lady was tan cause she was da kine African-Hawaiian uh. Chee hoo! Brah talk about shame when I tink about um now. Eh, she was supah but from wot I can rememba. Guess das why yea, get da sayin’: “keeds say da darned’est tings”.

More Aloha

En light of world events, I like talk stories about Aloha. Even small kine Aloha can go far brah, let me tell you. You might complain fifty kajillion times about dat frickin bugga who wen cut you off on da road or who wen ack dumb but I bet you get sometin small, sometin dat can only be described as feelin like Aloha dat it makes you smile no matta wot. Sheet, can be one small keed smilin o one big hug from a loved one, o dat strangah who just wen hold da door open for you. Woteva it is, you feel its mana, its energy.Aloha can be defined in so many different kine ways that it reminds me of one of dose words like love, peace, freedom, happiness, compassion, and respect. It’s one of dose where you just gotta say, ‘Ho brah, it’s all dee above” and leave um at dat. It stay all encompassing. It simply is. And you know wot, if can just work hardah at livin’ lidat, everyting goin be okay and even get bettah for our future, our children, da whole world ohana.

I not saying dis is da secret to life and blah blah blah cause I no think dea is one secret anymoa. Da world always goin’ have tragedy and tings we no undastand. Das part of da cycle. If we can just have moa Aloha, o whateva it is in your culture, can be bettah. Oddawise you jus goin end up wit some no make sense kine BS jus like wen happen da odda day in Virginia. Sad dat story. Even moa sad is now get all kine high maka maka kine fockas at da universities who make like dey all prepared for someting lidat. No, frick dat bra, dey not. I telling you da overwhelming majority of student affairs kine people and othas in da world of academia is one lost bunch who forgot why dey stay there: da students.

Da same ting can be sed about a plenny politicians o government officials. Dey forgot why dey dea and who dey stay serving: da peopol. But you know wot, it’s not only dea fault. It’s our fault too fo lettin’ dem slip. It’s too many of us who no say nothin o only say um to one point. And den no moa. Da End. All Pau!

So brothas and sistahs, we need to start livin wit aloha, passion, sometin’ cause if not, only goin get moa bleak den how stay already. Da cycle goin continue fo get moa worse. And den wot…

We neva goin’ eliminate all da madness of life. Always goin get challenges, but if we treat ourselves, and everyone else wit one caring Aloha kine attitude, goin be ok, goin be good, goin be great.

Mahalo ke Akua.

Small Kine Stories – Smile

Ho… Brr-ah!  Just rememba, no mattah how shiddy da day, jus smile.  Das is da main ting fo real-kine, guarans-babearans, no-step-on-da crack and break yo madah’s back.  I go tell you one story…             

I rememba wen I used to work down da grocery store, eh, and how nuts would get.  You get da old farts who stay all mad cause dey no like dey fruits in da same bag as da vegetables.  Den get da punk keeds, you know da kine future O treeple C residents, who try and shoplift da beer.  Sheet, no can even handle one befo get all buss and den palu.  No mattah, still yet they gotta try and ack hard and steal da 24 pack Bud Watah.  Hoooo, wait cuz, gets bettah.  Den dea’s da uppedy, busy-body-ness peopo wit dey Bluetoot stickin out da-side-a-da ear, neva can tell who dey stay talking too .  Dem guys is da worst kine.  Brr-ah!  No can even undastand wot dey tryin fo say or who dey tryin fo talk to.  All you can get out of dea mouths in one I stay bettah den you kine voice dat sound mo like one talking monkey wit dea “ooooo’s” and “ahhh’s”: “Oooo I would like the Grey Poupon in double paper, that’s two now, then plastic. Uh, Hold on.  Ahhh, by golly that’s great results.  Oh, please wait.  I said double paper!”             

Oh sheesh, I could go on go days and days about dem lolos and how f’d work stay or even some of dem can get.  But eh, Brr-ah!  Da main ting is fo smile yeah, cause can make one difference.  I fo real.  You neva know who stay watching like dat cute hapa wahine who is just gettin one bottle water.  Ha.  Nah, fo real kine, jus smile cause can make one difference.  I go tell you one odda story…             

Had dis one time wen one small keed wen smile at me.  Hooo, was da cutest ting.  Eh, no make dat look befo I slap you.  Anyway… I was all agro cause of dose kine people I just wen describe earliah, wen had dis tiny little keed look up and say, “Hi”, and den smile.  Brr-ah!  Wen I saw dat how could I not go “Aww da cute!” inside my head.  Or crack one smile and feel warm inside just like da kine M&M’s dat was in your back pocket all day and stay all smashed and soft?  Das right, uh?  Just wot I thought.             

So yeah… eh Brr-ah!  Just smile already ganfunnit.  I wen tell you all dat and you still frown.  I otta slap you in back-a-da head you grumpy…

Small-Kine Stories- Honk, Honk!

Old guy wen honk his horn twice. Twice.  Dat guy get nerve.  So, I figah I would go apologize, yeah.  Bein da nice guy dat I am and all.  Den, you know wot?  Da fricka wen honk gen.  So dat’s tree times now, uh.  So, I stay getting small kine agro.  But eh, I was still trying for let um go, be nice, blah blah blah.  I wen apologize again and he tell me, he frickin tell me dat I no belong ova thea.  I thinking, you pilau buggah, just cause you never like park normal kine, just cause you had to pull your stupid crazy chestah da molestah kine old van wit no windows in where I was parked so could back in mo easy.  So, I just let um go and start fo drive away.  I stay tinkin all kine stuff, eh.  Den it hits wen I can see he still giving me stink eye in da rear view mirror:  Fuck you… you not da darage ownah!  Shit, he ackin all high maka maka and den, all of one sudden, even though I was driving away, da events wen play inside ma head like one movie, yeah.  Everyting wen happen da same but instead of driving away…           

Flattened tiahs…           

Beat down in his doodoo head wit da kine Timbaland shoes…           

I packin one gun and pop pop pop in his knee caps and hands so he no can walk or do anyting else…           

No!  I get um.  I one rogue cop uh who just wen kicked off da police force for being to rough on da criminals so I trew my badge at da chief and had fo turn in my badge and everyting.  It’s so bad like my Mom no like even look at me.  So I stay kinda down on ma luck uh?  And da buggah, he not so old but he stay insai da mob, no da yakuza yeah, all scars and tattoos and missin fingahs carrying one samurai sword.  He stay smoking and everything happens and he blows smoke in my face.  So I get out da car and he pulls his sword out and swings um at me.  I duck em all Keanu Reeves Matrix style.  He swing again.  I Jackie Chan run up da wall.  He tries one more time and I catch um like clap da hands kine.  He stay struggling to keep going but I just laugh.  Den cause he da villain, he kick me da balls uh.  Cheap shot bastad.  So, I drop down and he stomping on me and like one dumby throws his sword aside and is just kickin my ass to make em look like I no moa gas in da tank… wen…  all of a sudden… Try guess.  Go guess um.  Eh, you lame, no like guess.  How’s you?             

Anyways, I Hulk out bra.  Yeahno?  Das one good one.  Just like Hulkamania only it’s Bradahmania and yeah like da hero I win, blow up his car or someting, go to da beach and drink beer wit one solid wahine.  Yeah, das right beer, not no weak-ass wine coolah or mai-tai.  I talking green bottles, Steinlagah, Heinuhken kine bra.  Chee-hoo!           

Eh, wot you tink?  My movie was solid uh?  Yeah no make lidat you fricka.  You just salty eyes cause you neva tink of em.  Sheesh.  Maybe was good dat old buggah wen ack lidat wit me oddawise I would neva have gotten dis Oscah type idea in da first place.  I should call up dat guy, who is dat guy, you know da one who stay inside all of his movies like Pulp Fiction.  Not even like he one good actor and den he still stay inside um.  Sheesh, now I no can even tink of who dat guy is… 

Identity

a person’s true
identity
is rarely shown
if it is
shown
it is rarely seen
people are too afraid to show
who they truly are;
the times they did show
the truth
the values of society
would not allow
the truth(identity)
to even be seen
let alone accepted

identity is unlimited
individuals place limits
on only themselves
one has the power
to manifest
whatever
one desires

tap into the source
of individuality,
of peace,
of love,
of truth, of being
that is never found without
but
can only be found within