Gratitude

Thank you
For
All that you are
For showing me the Sacred
How it exists in All of life
In creatures both big and small
I have searched my whole life for this eternal peace
I thank you
For it was in your reflection
That I could finally see the Sacred lies within
Me

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Acceptance

I don’t know a thing about what’s going to happen and the inner control freak is finally at peace with that.  I’m intuitive and pretty good at reading signs but in the unconscious arrogance that I lived, I wasn’t in the moment very much.  As a result, it led to some events unfolding in order to wake me up. 

The Hindus say that all things are Brahman and every day there are so many messages from the Divine.  Some of them read: Hey what’s up or look out or it’ll be okay.  Now for being good at reading signs, I chose which signs to read and which signs to ignore (mostly the eh, look out there, what’re you doing signs).

I’ve been truly humbled and in awe of life’s wonder since the wake up call.  Considering that by definition I 1) fall below the poverty level, 2) am homeless, and 3)jobless, I could choose to be pretty miserable.  But I’m not.  I’m actually happy… 

If there’s one thing that I have experienced in what the Divine does, is this: it gives, and it gives, and it keeps giving because it wants us to know that no matter what, we have a choice in all things.  We can choose to let the veil of pain and suffering guide us or to joyfully participate in the sorrows of the world.  In the process, if we want, we can experience the Sacred in all of life.

I first truly experienced it in my ex and since going on this walkabout that I’m on, I have seen it reflected in the city, the country, the people, the trees, the river, the squirrels, the foxes, the All.  I see it because I feel it in my own being.  Tricky.  It was there the whole time and I never lost it, just failed to recognize it. 

I don’t know what is next but I know what I’m not going to do and that’s typical Jason, this-is-what’s-first-then-that-and-then-this and blah blah.  I’m just going to take it one day at a time, live that day fully, and just cast lines.  I’ve already cast for jobs, and cast for a place to call home.  And it’s reeling in bites!  Quite cool.

I don’t know where I’ll end up but I have faith all will be provided for because, well that’s faith.  From there we’ll see. I have goals but we’ll just have to see what life gives me.  It’s like getting a surprise, sometimes many each day and I happily accept that offer from life

Whatever happens, wherever I end up, with my eyes more opened than closed to the reality and divinity that co-exist in this beautiful experience, I realize it’s up to me to choose to be joyful and find the beauty no matter what is given to me. 

Because life isn’t about knowing what’s next, changing the world/system, or about things being kosher 24/7.  I have realized that life is about changing myself and taking the sour with the sweet because it makes the beautiful moments we share in this short existence that much better.

Crunch crunch crunch

Crunch. Crunch… CRUNCH!!!
The sound of the leaves beneath my feet.
I used to despise leaves as kid,
My chore to pick them up.

But out here amidst fall:
they are like drums,
guitar strings,
sirens,
anything and everything
to make music

With my Feet!

Awakening

One of my favorite things to do is watch trees.  True story- I once saw the energy of a tree vibrate. Quite a scary experience as I thought I was going crazy but I guess it was the Sacred telling me that it was alive in all things.

In following the dreams, I find myself here in Maryland and it is extremely peaceful. I’m staying right off the Gunpowder River, a jump from Mariner’s Point Park and man if this isn’t rejuvenating!

As I take in the experience here, I have seen that Sacred life in the trees as they are minus the energetic vibration.  I was always one who needed the wake up call to pay attention but I realize that life isn’t about the big, intense “aha” moments, more like appreciating that the “aha” is always present, whether it be in the sway of a tree in the wind, the light kiss of cold rain on your face, or the gentle flow of the tide.

And… it is totally applicable to the rest of my life. I was all Spring and Summer, all about the new ideas, sunshine and relaxation. I realize as I am going through my first true fall, that the Sacred is in all the seasons and it is up to me to adapt and change as they do.

I didn’t do this in the relationship I recently got out of and I don’t blame her for feeling tired.  It wasn’t only not being present where I erred, I failed to accept the seasons of life, the ebb and flow as it is. In turn, this experience is showing me the beauty in all aspects of life.

I can see how I took so many things for granted in life in general. In living in this minimal constant state of shock as I have over the past month, I’ve grown increasingly grateful for what I do have (being alive, clothing, shelter, food) and find great joy in things I overlooked in the past.

What’s funny (to me), is I find myself seeking gainful employment with benefits, not out of fear, but because I do enjoy working and want to be a part of a community again and to contribute. 

I no longer feel this extreme sense of there’s only one way to get where I want to be.  Life is about the experience, enjoying that ride, and if I were in a boat, the thing would have to be balanced in order to flow with that go as gracefully as possible.  That fits better these days.   

Mahalo ke Akua.

Some thoughts on Nola

  Man!  Nola is grabbing at my heart strings.  They say you leave a piece of your heart here.  The vibe calls, no simpler way to put it.  Nola is such a balance of death and rebirth.  She truly is a phoenix.  But my journey must go on.

I’ve had some powerful spiritual experiences here, taking on a rebirth of my own.  My understanding of the energies that surround/impact us in life seems to be growing.  Perhaps because I am in a constant state of IDK WT… Eff is going on, so I pay more attention. 

The people, the culture, the accents, the music, even the brown of the Mississippi are all beautiful.  There really is a justice to seeing and experiencing things with your own being. 

Each stop of this trip shows me more: Seattle- I am whole and beautiful, New York City- why I value what I do, Georgia- I can overcome my demons and to have hope, and Nola, oh sweet Nola- rebirth.

Well, hope it’s all g double o d good.  Give my love to the boys. 

Have a good one.

Sacred

You asked me
Why I don’t get it

You told me
It wasn’t right.

How can something that was sacred
Be wrong?

Circumstances change
As do people

But that’s life
Peaks and valleys.

Funny that you taught me that
Yet you are the one who left

I tell you one thing
You still are sacred to me

And here’s another
I want to be there for both the good AND the bad

I’m committed to loving you eternally
And for always, I promise to try to understand

I’m changing but I suppose time
Will have to show

Only through my prayers of light and loving kindness
Can I try to let you know.

It is because you are sacred
That I believe.

Oh when the Saints, go marching in…

I woke up at 0400 after having a dream about being very excited to be going to New Orleans.  I’ve been logging the dreams for some time and Joseph Campbell puts it out there that when you go on a trip, you bring the whole psyche along for a ride. 

An entry in my journal before leaving Hawaii:

“I had a dream where I am with my pack and I see a woman with a suitcase, a couple other people, and a child with a bear.  It would appear that all the characters of my unconscious will be bringing their baggage along for the ride…”

I had a few notes after about this dream but I remember getting the distinct feeling I was going to be headed to New Orleans.  While in New York, I was still out to pasture as to whether I should go there or not.  In Seattle, I’d found a place that felt like a new home and saw that I was whole alone, in New York, I understood why I wanted a shared experience more fully and that I was really alot more like Jessica than I’d realized, and from both had seen deeply into who I am and why that is.  Needless to say, I felt a desire to head west already.

Well rather than be all heady, I put it out there to whether or not I should good to New Orleans.  The next day, I’m in the subway and I meet a woman who tells me about her son who is volunteering down there.  She says it’d be great for me to feel that energy.  BTDub- his name is Jason…

I have friends who tell me I look to deeply into things.  I have other guides who have told me that I should be here or there at this point in my life.  One of the biggest things that I have learned on this unknown road, is that I have to figure it out for myself.  Whenever we embark down our path, a path that our heart leads us on, it has never been done before so we have to learn to read those signs and follow our own intuition. 

I’ve made many mistakes in my life, the decisions on this trip, not so because I’m paying attention to the dreams, the signs, and listening to that simple voice in my heart.  Here in Georgia, I learned how important it is to couple love with understanding.  I’m not saying that means my love will be reconciled but I realized that as much as one can love fully, understanding is such a necessary piece to the puzzle. 

I used to think because of a vision I had that I knew.  Well life shook it up because I thought I knew.  I have no idea what comes next but every step of the way, I was reminded to have hope.  And I guess all of this helps in making me believe.  In what remains to be seen but this is where I am as I head off to NOLA.

Aloha.